


How could I not love you?

by Amberspark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Being Human - Freeform, Blood and Gore, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Cuddles, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Hydra, Making Out, Nightmares, Praise Kink, Romance, Slow Burn, Some History, Tags May Change, Vampires, Wanna be philosophy, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, avengers on missions, bucky might has a vampire kink, new avenger, salty steve, trying to fit in, vampire reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 39
Words: 81,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amberspark/pseuds/Amberspark
Summary: After having the dark work of HYDRA removed from his Brain Bucky joins the Team and gets close to their new team member. He knows that Steve has a few problems with her but he can't look past her kind old eyes and gentle smile.But Steve doesn't like her. The way she moves, balancing between grace and gore. Easily ripping out hearts of oncoming HYDRA Agents and yet gifting him a kind smile when she notices him getting a little scared by her.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, bucky x reader - Relationship
Comments: 308
Kudos: 412





	1. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Welcome to this wild ride! There will be love, hate, blood, and lots of semi-good written angst.   
> I created this as a Bucky x reader story so that you can have a juicy romance of your own or for your personalized character. In case you prefer Original female characters, you can use a chrome extension  
>  ( https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/interactivefics/pcpjpdomcbnlkbghmchnjgeejpdlonli?hl=en ) that replaces the Y/n with any name. For the character's looks, I would have named her Anna, and she would be portrayed by the incredible Tessa Bonham Jones. 
> 
> I truly hope you enjoy this little project,  
> all the best  
> Amber  
> song for this chapter: smother by daughter

Steve doesn't like her. The way she moves, balancing between grace and gore. Easily ripping out hearts of oncoming HYDRA Agents and yet gifting him a kind smile when she notices him getting a little scared by her. She is so plain that no one would guess what she is able to do. It’s like a switch being flipped that changes her kind nature into a beast that wants nothing but blood. He knows how valuable she is that without her help the last few missions would have gone wrong in every way possible. She is like the Hulk but faster, more agile and so easily misjudged. And he knows that everyone else on the team sees it too only that he seems to be the only one struggling to understand. When they found her Tony was incredibly keen on keeping her. Like a puppy one would find in a dumpster. Only that this pup was a wolf. In Sheep's clothing if you will. That made him chuckle.

“What’s so funny, Cap?” She looks at him with genuine interest. Her eyes sparkling with kindness and a sense of childlike wonder. THUD. The bloody body of a HYDRA agent drops to her feet. Dead, eyes frozen in fear of the monster that just stole his soul. His torso just as dark and drenched in blood as hers. Only that she is standing there smiling at Steve and waiting for an answer to her question. "Uh, nothing…” He answers while thinking of a good excuse. She doesn’t look away.

Soft eyes focused on him in patience. Even when the next agent runs for her. Knife in hand ready to attack her and take revenge for the death of his fellow soldier. But she is faster, always is. She grabs the man by the throat not even looking at him and rips his air pipes out as if ripping a piece of paper from a notebook. It terrifies Steve but he still tries to act normal and keep his posture as if he didn’t just see this gruesome act. It’s mostly because his Ma taught him not to stare ‘It’s rude ‘ she taught him. And the way Buck would give him one of those cheeky grins.

“ Oh uh. It’s just something Bucky used to say..” That would work, surely. She had been shy about the topic of old friend ever since he first mentioned him. It didn’t make sense to him since she was so eager to have everyone like her. And she did succeed with most of the team. Natasha loves her like a sister. Spending many girl nights together with Wanda ever since she came to join them on missions. “Finally another girl to show you brutes that you don’t need testosterone to fight the bad guys” They cared for each other and it was a special kind of bond. Sam liked her for her knowledge of basically everything since King Charles I. The way she could tell stories and sometimes drop in little anecdotes of someone important somewhere at some point in time. And her humor. The way she would always giggle so innocently at any stupid joke he would make. And Steve knew that those smiles weren’t real. Most of them were but sometimes she would pretend only to make him feel good. She needed it, the strong need to fit in and feel normal after a long time of loneliness. An amount of time that he couldn’t imagine even with his 102 years of age.

“Oh yeah? I’m very excited to meet him. He comes over next Thursday, right?” Another two bodies now lay to her feet. It didn’t phase her one bit or if it did she was incredibly good at hiding it. She carefully wiped her mouth on her sleeve. The light gray cotton turned a dark maroon and he followed the spot with his gaze. She must have noticed it and it made her pull on it as if it would pull the dark out of the fabric. Embarrassment. It was common for her to act like that when he was around. There was always a sort of uncomfortable energy around when they interacted. Like she knew that he was wary of her but wanted to prove to him that she was no threat. Just a young lady trying to have a nice conversation. Forget the blood, gore and long past. But he couldn’t stop it. It felt like a threat whenever she was around. She might act kind and gentle but seeing what she was capable of, the way she could shred him to bits if she wished to left him on edge.

Of course, it was unfair but he couldn’t stop it. He started a civil war between his friends to protect an ex-assassin that was more unstable than she ever could be. And yet he couldn’t get himself to relax around her. “Yeah I’ll pick him up on Thursday” He could punch himself. He couldn’t even get a conversation going with her even when it was presented to him on a silver tray. He gave her a tight smile trying to ignore her bloodied clothes and the corpses scattered around her. But she understood, she always did. Steve just didn’t like her it was a fact she had to accept. She tried to get to know him way too many times. It was starting to seem desperate. Should she try again? Was it just the wrong moment to do some small talk? She was about to start again when he interrupted her to talk to the others over the com. “West wing is clear. How about you guys?” She looked to her feet, fingers starting to fumble on her pants to do anything to get through this awkward silence. Steve kept an unfocused look on something vague behind her. Mostly to not have to interact with her. “We’re clear too, Steve. Got the drive and destroyed all the data left in the storage.” Sam informed him. Steve sighed, they could go home, he could leave this uncomfortable situation and pretend it didn’t happen.

Of course, she was a good match for a mission and they worked well together but he could only see her for that. Even when she tried to be nice to him and pretend she couldn’t just snap him in half. “ Alright, clear out. We’re going back home.” The others accepted their captain's orders and retreated to the jet. It was pizza night like every Friday and they were all eager to call it a day. She loved pizza night even if for her it was just playing pretend. Stealing a few slices here and there, blending in, laughing. “C’mon time to think about what toppings to get” He’d often try to joke like that, making up for the subtleties that showed her what he was truly thinking about her. But she took it even though she knew that he couldn’t stand her.

With a slight nod and a small smile, she stepped over the dead men like they were nothing but small puddles not worth noting. Just objects, not humans that she sucked dry to steal their life to keep hers. ________________________

“So, tell me, is there anything new?” The evening calls with Buck were a daily thing by now. After his time in Wakanda, he tries to get back in touch with Steve as much as possible. The quick process of removing the Soldier from his brain was almost too easy. Or just an example of Shuri’s genius. Maybe both. He felt normal again as far as that was possible with a metal arm and over 100 years of age. And the contact with Steve became such routine and a reminder of his past self.

After the treatment, Bucky tried to find something to keep him occupied. Goat farming wasn’t the way and although he certainly enjoyed Wakanda with its warm climate, grand nature, and kind people, it wasn’t the place for him. Sometimes it was too much for him. Adjusting to technology was one thing but getting used to the advanced society and science of Wakanda was a different deal. So he decided to go back to America, back to Steve and do what he thinks is what is he is currently best at and that is to fight. He didn’t enjoy it like you would enjoy a job or a hobby but it gave him a sense of control, something to be good at. And the moment he mentioned joining to team Steve was exhilarated, so much so, that he didn’t dare to stop him even when he, later on, wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Not really. Had a standard mission today, get some HYDRA Data, in and out, you know? Nothing special” Steve leaned back on the couch. Trying to release some tension in his muscles. He knew he’d have the next days off but he just couldn’t get himself to relax. Not with…. “What about the new gal? She doing alright?” Steve told him about the new one. He didn't go into much detail and just told him that she was a new agent for field missions with unconventional methods. But trying to get back into talking with Steve and getting to know him again he, of course, had to ask for more details, much to Steve’s disliking. He then tried to break it to him gently, with metaphors and nice words to tiptoe around the reality of her. But at some point, Bucky had it with his cryptic descriptions forcing him to spill the beans. He told him about her. The powers, speed, healing, everything that Steve could remember. Each Time a dark picture flashing before his eyes. But Bucky took it well, was even curious about her and the fact that the old fairy tales were somewhat true. He asked more questions than Steve could or would like to answer. “She’s doing fine. Did a good job today.”

That was it. All that Bucky could get out of him. He knew that something was going on with the new girl and his old friend but he couldn’t guess the nature of it. With a sigh, he accepted Steve’s lack of words. He’d have his chance to meet this creature soon enough. “ Well, I should go. Shuri wanted to clear up some stuff before I leave. I’ll see you soon, Punk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos and tipps are always appreciated :)


	2. don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little treat in these trying times. I'll set up a schedule next time. Enjoy :)

Bucky couldn’t understand how Tony Stark the multi-billionaire and superhero could have such uncomfortable chairs in his meeting rooms. The cushion was hard and he could feel the metal framing under his ass. His left arm clanked against the inconveniently placed metal armrest from time to time making him blush in embarrassment. He was still a bit shy around his new team. Always keeping an eye on Tony in case he changed his mind and didn’t accept the murderer of his parents into the team anymore. Steve was explaining something about the lockdown system of the building in case something would come up but Bucky stopped listening some time ago.   
Being back in a group that practiced a somewhat regular daily routine would be new to him. Wakanda helped him but it couldn’t compare to the 70 odd years he didn’t know when where or who he was. As Steve kept talking he started to glance around the room. Tony was there, watching him with a calculating gaze. Arms crossed on the table he sometimes looks over to Natasha on his right. Watching her while she types something on her phone.

Sam is leaned back fiddling with one of the black ball pens that Steve handed out. Steve had prepared the room with a notebook and a pen at each seat like a one would have at a regular conference. He was very proud of that, telling Bucky that is was so that his arrival would be as formal and real as any other. But that also meant that Buck would get the safety and prep talk as any rookie would and, to be honest, it was incredibly boring. Bucky rolled his shoulder blades with a small sigh and leaned forward giving Steve a reassuring smile as if this was indeed as important as his friend made it seem to be. Without even doing anything himself Bucky got the whole team annoyed at him for having to sit in this boring presentation that they must have heard one too many times. He loses focus again as starts to count the wood marks on the grey table. Then his super-soldier hearing picks up an elevator sound. 

  
“Oh Lord, Steve will kill me! I told you we should have taken a cab…” The door opens on the other end of the hallway. Bucky can’t see anything through the milky white glass shielding the conference room from the corridor. But he can make out two shadows getting toward them. “I know, but I’ll tell him it’s my fault. It’s not like we did something illegal. We are just a little late to a meeting, right?” Female, young voice with a strong eastern European accent. His mind started to work the Skills of the winter soldier coming in handy now. He winces a little bit. The winter soldier could never be the source of something good or helpful.

It’s Wanda he deduces but she is with another woman. The other is walking fast, hurried steps to reach her destination yet careful not to make too much noise. She is taking a deep breath pausing a few steps before the door to the room. Probably bracing herself for the scolding she is going to receive from her Captain. He can make out how Wanda places her hand on the other one's arm gently petting it to calm the stranger's nerves.   
“It’s okay. y/n I’ll go in first and explain it to him. Don't worry” They whisper in front of the door trying not to disturb the others. Then a gentle knock. Steve releases an annoyed breath. Looking down on his notes before standing up and half leaning on the table. This must be his ‘Captain Mode’ that Tasha joked about. Like an angry old teacher or a disappointed mom. “ Come in.” He commands a little bit of annoyance audible in his tone. Black Widow shares an amused look with Sam letting out a small huff like she knew this was coming and received a bit of foreshadowing. That’s what she must have been doing on the phone. Chatting and giving updates on the meeting for the latecomers. 

  
The door opens slowly and carefully Wanda’s head peeking in an apologetic smile on her face as if she is checking the situation and in how much trouble they are. “ Hey, we are so sorry for being late. We went out after y/n's tests and forgot the time. She suggested to ge-” “ Just get in. You are interrupting an important meeting.” Steve silenced Wanda and gestured to the two empty seats between Sam and Dr. Banner at the far end of the long oval table. Wanda pushed the door a little further and ushered the other one inside. She was young-looking no older than in her mid-twenties. She followed her friend trying to be as quiet as possible to not cause more disruption. Passing Steve she gave him a little sad frown like a child that got into trouble. Her shoulders were pushed forward a little as if trying to hide from Steve’s stern look. She moved away accepting that there was no way for her to calm him down again.   
Blew it once again and this time it wasn’t just a mission but the introduction of his best pal, his old Sargent of his World War II troop. Now he wasn't just uncomfortable around her but annoyed. Even worst than being ignored.

  
She tried to duck away but Steve stopped her. “ y/n, wait a second.” She froze slowly turning back to look at Steve. Bucky was distracted by a laugh coming from Tony. Stark leaned back grinning he was enjoying the little scene a bit too much “ Looks like Twilight is going to have to stay for detention. “ He was a little too proud of himself for Bucky’s liking. Like he needs to crack a joke even if it was bad after keeping still for so long. It got him with an annoyed look from Steve before his friend continued. “Since you weren’t here when we started, y/n, could you please introduce yourself to Sergeant Barnes.” She looked surprised caught off guard but then moved to stand next to Steve.  
The looks started to drift between her and Bucky making him feel small. He didn’t like to be watched as if he was supposed to do something. He sank in his uncomfortable chair to hide from the eyes focused on him. He understood Steve’s behavior, he had the be the boss, the captain keeping his team together but the way he was treating the girl was too harsh even as her superior.   
She focused on Bucky's blue eyes looking deep into them making him shy away. Her eyes held a force he couldn’t describe. Soft yet knowing, experienced like her Grandma Anne’s used to be when she told stories of the immigrants in New York and how she was able to start her bakery in the heart of Brooklyn. Good memories he likes to keep. Sometimes they pop up and give him a warm feeling. Cozy like an evening by the fire. 

  
The girl next to his old pal started fumbling with the fabric of her pants. A nervous tic no doubt and looks back up at him. She exhales softly, a small laugh and smiles at him. It a nice sound. Then he notices that just for the fragment of a second she sizes him up. Her look sweeps over his form eyes, mouth, shoulders, arm, his posture, hair, neck…. Tony called her twilight, right, he feels something cold running down his neck. The vampire,that must be her.  
“ Yeah, hey I-” she stumbles over her words like being distracted and trying to keep up with her act. “ No need Steve. I’m sure we can sit down and have a chat, later on, right doll? Keep going, pal.” Bucky interrupts her and gifts her a small smile. He forgot about his charm and it seems like Steve did too. His friend looks at him a quizzed before clearing his throat and bringing his notes in the right order. He then continues explaining the different alarm codes they had installed in case of an aircraft emergency. Steve doesn't care that no one’s listening but continues anyway keeping a close eye on his friend and the new one. 

She sits down next to Sam and gently touching his shoulder making him look at her with an amused grin before moving her gaze to Bucky and silently moving her lips mouthing ‘ Thank you’. He brushes some of his hair back and giving her a small nod. They both pretend like the meeting is important. Just like everyone else. 


	3. know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just finished and eddited the 5th chapter and noticed that you didn't get the chance to get a meet-cute so here you go. I know I said Fridays for updates but I couldn't help myself.  
> I also created a spotify playlist with songs that inspired me and my wrting soundtrack but I will most often include a song for each chapter.  
> The song for this Chapter is Venus (instrumental) by Sleeping at last  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/69Nxp79oYkGV1FkF85ilR7?si=S93x-7KURyKgLjZYXkv86g
> 
> playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=VdnPQtn5RmOShPvxY-aZIA
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

Peering out of the Window of Stark tower he tries to see the bits of the city he that remembers. In the end, Stark did decide to get the Tower back but keep it under his name. It was just too good and convenient to go give up and Bucky was certainly happy about that decision. It wasn’t his first time back in New York but the first time that he could just enjoy it without being caught in the hustle of the city. He sipped on this coffee in the plain white mug he chose. It seemed like the only one that would be okay to use without stepping on anyone's toes and using one of the novelty cups with pictures and writing and all those personal things of which he had none. He heard someone shuffle in the open kitchen behind him but chose to ignore it. Less attention paid on others means less awkwardness. He keeps looking outside focusing on the roof of a small building that gave him a small sense of familiarity.   
  
A knife being pulled out of the knife block made him aware of his surroundings again. Some sounds just caught him off guard capturing all his focus. He turned his head slightly trying to listen a little better on the sounds that were to follow while calculating the level of threat. He couldn’t stop it too many years of being overly careful not to end up dead made him hypersensitive. The person must have heard because the movement stopped.

“ It’s okay. I’m just cutting some pie.” Her gentle voice stopped him. He blushed, frustrated by his overreaction. He slowly turned in his chair looking at her standing with the knife carefully cutting through the brown crust of what seemed to be a fresh pie. Her eyebrows were knitted a little as if trying to cut extra pretty slices. The Vanilla ice cream was sitting on the counter next to her waiting to be used. She kept bringing back memories of his Gran the way she used to make the special little treats for him and his sister way before his world went to shit. He watched curiously as she balanced one of the slices carefully on the knife to set it down on the plate to her left. The other slice followed on the second plate. He turned around moving to sit at the small table close to the counter. She smirked at him, happy about his silent offer to sit by him.

The old charm seemed to be sweeping back in small chunks he noticed. It made him happy and a little more confident giving him the feeling of being his old self even for just a heartbeat. Carefully placing a nearly perfect round scoop of vanilla ice next to each slice of pie she picked up the plates and walked over to him. Steve only told him very little about the latest missions they went on, but judging by the summary they gave him the latest missions seemed much harder than the ones before she had joined. He still didn't understand how she ended up on the team. Steve said something about HYDRA and a new testing facility but it didn’t make sense. HYDRA’s work was messy and left scars. None of their assets or experiments would end up looking as glowing and normal as her. The woman that gently set down the plate in front of him could hardly be the reason they had all that new intel on the old nazi organization.   
  
“I made some Apple pie yesterday to celebrate your arrival but I guess Wanda and I just blew that.” She laughed nervously waiting for his reaction. Whether he would be angry for her coming late and upsetting his friend or laughing at her bad attempt at a joke. Maybe even telling her that he doesn't like apple pie and walk off. But no, he sits a little more straight in the presence of a lady and takes a good look at his slice of pie. “I’m sorry.” she said and looked down on her plate before wetting her lips and continuing “ I hope you accept this little peace offering. My Mama used to make this pie for big celebrations. It’s the original recipe.” She smiled to herself and just for a split second her eyes became unfocused reviewing the old memory of times long gone by. As soon as the sadness was there it was gone again. The memory stored back into the library in her head holding all that she has experienced.

y/n broke off a piece of pie with her fork. A little bit of ice cream was resting on top of the bite hot dough and apples melting away the light cream. A small drop of white and faded orange dropped on her plate as she stoped the fork and smirked at him in a playful manner. “ Well, except the Cinnamon. Wasn’t like we could afford that back in the day” ‘ _Back in the day_ ’ Buck let out a puff. That was something that Steve would say. Even with his years of experience in this brave new world, he struggled from time to time. ‘ _Back in the day we would…_ ’ was one of his lame excused when he couldn’t understand something or tried to joke about some cultural thing that he didn’t fully grasp. And Bucky would laugh at him every time cause it reminded him of the old days in New York. His New York.

“Oh yeah ?” He took a bite savoring the hot and sweet taste on his tongue. The pie was good, better than he had expected and she saw the surprise on his face making her grin even more. A glimmer in her eyes that told him that she must have expected that reaction most likely having received it already from Sam or some of the others. “ Yes “ She sat down her plate and sat back “My Father was a baker. The only one in the village but he never made enough money to afford such a luxury” She crossed her arms over her chest and watched him enjoy his treat. She felt proud of once again impressing someone with her old skill.

Then she was waiting for him to say it and ask **the** question. He was being way too civilized around her, trying to be the gentleman he once was. But he’d ask her simply because he was human and humans were curious by nature she couldn't blame him for that. They ate in silence. It wasn’t a heavy one but they were simply out of topics to talk about and both too shy and calculating to start a conversation at random. Bucky finished, brushing the last crumbs together trying not to leave any bits of the dessert but also avoiding to look greedy. He dragged the fork against the china collecting every last bit it felt like ages to her. She was losing her temper wanting to finally address the elephant in the room. Y/n leaned forward elbows leaning on the table head resting on the of her fists but he didn’t notice the clue. He really would make her say it. Their line of sight met when he looked up maybe he was annoying her with the scratching of metal on the plate so he stopped. The heavy silence kept filling the room.   
  
Then she let out a small laugh looking at him as if he just told a silly joke. “Aren’t you going to ask?” She questioned her eyebrows scrunching together in disbelieve. For her, this whole scene was leading up to the final question. The one thing that she was sure of when meeting new humans. It was always the same question only that some people were more creative in asking it than others. ‘ _Do you sparkle in the sunlight?’ What about garlic?’ ‘ Are you dead like 'dead' dead?!’_ Y/n did enjoy the attention some shame still lingered in the back of her mind but it was nice to be noticed and having someone interested in you even if it was just for your condition and not your character or personality. Bucky slowly set down the plate it clanked on the glass table the sound putting him off resulting in his arm bumping against the glass surface. He pulled it back quickly resting in his lap to hide it under the table. “Ask what?” Did he upset her?   
  
“ Whether it’s true that I’m a… you know?” She said and gestured vaguely to herself. “ Undead and all that stuff” She didn’t want to say the word. Sometimes it didn’t sting at all but today after embarrassing herself in front of the team it hurt a little more than usual.

  
“ Oh, you mean a vampire?”

There it was.

The word felt foreign when he said it. It was different from the way it was presented to her in the past. No mystery or doubt in his voice he said it like any other word like he would ask someone to pass him a book or say what day of the week it was. She was dumbstruck blinking at him before giving a small relieved laugh.

“ yeah, I didn’t you…. you would take it so easy.” she said. The was the sleeve fumbling once more and Bucky was sure that is was her nervous tick. It was funny how the nervousness of the girl in front of him could give him such a boost of confidence. It felt good to be in control even it was just the conversation they were having. “I was expecting a bit more anything. The others wouldn’t let me leave the interrogation for a good hour. “ They both smiled at the easy outcome of the current situation. “Sam even got out a list he prepared with questions,” She said and started laughing at the memory of Sam’s childlike enthusiasm.

Her laugh was contagious and Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle. He was known to be the dark brooding type after getting his head sorted out. Still careful to let his guard down around others and showing emotions. What if everything would tumble down and he'd got his hopes up for nothing. Most of his reactions were out of politeness he knew that people would have their difficult time with an emotionless ex-assassin so he let only the smallest amount of emotion shine through. Maybe this was a good time to open up a little more. “ Nah Doll, as long as you don’t bother me about this here” he lifted his left hand from under the table. Metal shimmering in the sunlight that came in through the big panorama windows.

Most of his arm was covered by the long sleeve of his maroon henley shirt. One would think him to be a normal guy if not for the reflective fingers flexing into a fist before gliding back into his lap under the table. “ I won’t ask any weird questions about your business,” He said and allowed himself to give her a cheeky grin. There he was again the old, Sergeant Barnes, taking over for just a wink of a second.   
  
Y/n leaned back in her chair watching him with curious eyes. She enjoyed the little flirt that was going on maybe it would be more interesting with him than she expected. She stood up, collecting the plates and setting them in the sink then breaking the silence “ Well Sarge, I think we got ourselves a good deal here”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please consider to comment for tips, ticks and thoughts. They help me soooooo much. Thank you for reading  
> :)


	4. how

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I changed to upload schedule again but this way it works best with my university stuff.  
> Song link for the second part of this chapter :  
> Me and the devil by Soap&skin https://open.spotify.com/track/0wrWxW18WK2MkrfDpRHkyh?si=ZIFh0JdvRw-UNcaDr5F7bQ  
> Also put the link at the beginning of the scene.  
> please enjoy :)

Back in the late ’20s when Bucky used to be a boy there was a ship that would move between New York and Liverpool regularly bringing passengers to the new world with each journey. Sometimes it would be open for the public to walk around on and explore the luxuries it had on board. His Ma took him and Steve for his friend's birthday once. He remembered it to be a warm day both boys exploring the halls and corridors while his mother enjoyed what treats she could afford and relax on the sun deck. He was pretty sure that this ship was the biggest thing men could build and live in. 

  
But that theory was quickly disproven when he settled into Stark tower. There was so much room for so few people that he nearly felt bad for using up his space while other New Yorkers had to work long tiering shifts to pay for every little square inch of living space.

And with so few people roaming the halls Bucky felt alone. Not lonely cause there is a big difference between being on your own and missing people around. He was certainly happier with the lack of people than the other way around.   
The team members did meet up regularly mostly in the main living space with a big sofa an open kitchen with clean white counters and matt black details. They would meet there every other day for dinner, sometimes watch a movie after and enjoy each other's company in this huge building. Sometimes he met some of them in the morning each joining breakfast at a different time unless Steve had other plans for them. 

His childhood friend was Bucky’s closest contact. Even before he arrived from Wakanda they arranged to room he would stay in. Steve wanted him to have one of the grand suites on the upper floors. Maybe he wanted to offer him a bit of comfort after the hard times he had to fight through but Bucky wasn’t one for material comfort. He politely declined,telling Steve that he didn’t need much. He preferred a simple room. ‘A bed, desk, and Bathroom will be just right, pal’ But Steve couldn’t allow that. So they met in the middle and Bucky settled into a small flat. Living Room with big windows that gave him an open view over his city and a small open kitchenette. The room was connecting a simple bathroom with nothing fancy in it besides a bathtub and a bedroom that didn’t fit much more than the double bed and closet that were already in it. Bucky liked it. It was cozy but not too much. 

  
Most of his day after arriving the week before were spent with the morning runs that Steve and Sam had invited him to, a bit of reading, training and his check-up appointments with Dr. Banner. First, it seemed stupid to go to a Doctor of science to discuss matters of physical health but then he found out that most of their meetings would be about the mechanics of his new arm and mental stability. Both not common topics for regular health care professionals. One of those days he met her again just as she was leaving the lab. The kind smile on her lips showing the genuine happiness she felt to see him again since their first meeting.

“Oh hey, how are you coming along?” She stopped before him putting a hand on his biceps and petting it gently. He didn’t feel comfortable being touched not after being used to only experiencing physical contact when connected to pain. But with her it was different. He felt drawn to her warmth not wanting it to leave so soon. She would do this gesture often he had seen it before with Sam and Tony. Just a small touch to show them that she cared not in a flirty way more like a mother making sure everyone was fine. It was a strange connection to have ~~a woman~~ , no she was more close to a gal, look out for others with such a motherly warmth.

She dropped her hand and looked up at him.

  
“I’m doing good. Not been up to much, ya know? A few things with Steve” he said and shrugged.

She grinned “ Well, I hope you are settling in nicely. I think I still haven’t seen everything that Stark has to offer even after 5 months but I’m glad you are having a good time.” She stepped to the side to make space for him to enter the lab.

He offered a polite nod and moved along to open the door. “ I’ll go downstairs for training later on. Feel free to join us is you want.” She gave a small wave and the elevator doors closed in front of her before he could answer.

She wouldn’t admit but it was on purpose so he couldn’t decline the offer like he probably would have. This way he would be kind of letting her down if he didn’t show up. A cheeky plan to get him more involved and y/n noticed that she got more playful the longer she was around him.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Me and the devil by Soap&Skin https://open.spotify.com/track/0wrWxW18WK2MkrfDpRHkyh?si=ZIFh0JdvRw-UNcaDr5F7bQ )  
After the appointment, he didn’t feel like training. The right side of his hip still hurt from that punch Steve pulled on him yesterday and his thighs still burned whenever he got up because of the sprint duel he had on that morning run. Sam made them bet who could make a full round in central park in less time and he didn’t feel like losing. He still lost to Steve but it was worth the fun they had competing. 

  
y/n didn’t tell him much about what they had planed so when he pushed open the gym doors he was met with an extraordinary scene.  
Sam was sitting on a bench skin still glistening with sweat. He was out of breath but watched the action in the center of the room excitedly. Steve was standing next to him his arms crossed, back straight concentrated on the fight. His captain mode was back on and it made him study the two ladies like specimens in an experiment.

Bucky walked further into the room Sam's gaze was still on the fight, then noticing Barnes as he approached “ Hey man, are you here for the show?” Falcon patted the spot next to him on the bench his eyes focusing back on the two upfront. Buck took the offer and sat down.

Steve was too focused on his job to pay him attention. He was good at this but sometimes he became too harsh, always expecting the best from his team. Bucky watched as Natasha kicked y/n in the stomach, sending her opponent to the ground. Widow ran after her and pushed her foot onto the other girl's collarbone. It made Bucky wince it must have hurt and he was about to step in when y/n began to laugh making Natasha push her to the ground with another kick to the forehead.

  
“I told you not to hold back. This training is useless if you go nice on me” she said and helped y/n up.

Y/n kept laughing half hugging Tasha as she got up. “ You wouldn't be standing here if I even if would go at 50% capacity” she joked, adjusting her hair and taking a swing from her water bottle. Sam shuffled on the bench “ Yeah, Nat, better be careful or you end up as her pizza topping” he punched Bucky’s arm playfully wanting him to laugh along. Buck could only muster a small grin not sure what reaction would be appropriate. Y/n gave a fake laugh, hands on her hips over extagerating.

“Very funny Wilson, you better watch out or I’ll snatch you up.” She joked back.

Sam pretended to be scared and Buck allowed himself to relax further. The light mode was interrupted by Steve's order “Alright enough play, y/n you need to work on your precision, your stance still gets floppy and you don’t focus on the enemy's movements. Once more. The real deal this time.” The Captain moves back to his spot next to Sam focused and ready to make them start again if he wasn't happy with what the girls deliver. Sam bumps his elbow into Bucky’s ribs.

“This is gonna be great but you gotta be ready, eyes on the prize. Nat won’t last long.” 

  
y/n moves up to her partner about 10 feet apart from each other. She rolls her shoulder blades pretending to prepare for the fight. Her eyes seem different, the kind warmth pushed aside by a predatorial look. Like a cat circling a mouse ready to pounce whenever she wished to. Steve counted down from 3 to 1 and them everything happened way faster than Bucky could follow.

Nat was thrown against a wall, her head cracking with a disgusting sound. Y/n is fast on her tail an evil smirk on her lips more pretentious than real. Nat gets up before y/n reaches her trying to throw a punch. The other woman easily blocked it with her forearm and pining Black Widow to the wall.

Bucky heard a strange feral sound, a hiss but not like the one coming from a big cat neither like a snake. It’s dark, low rumbling and it frightens him a little like something coming from the woods making the hairs on his neck stand up. Sam watched in awe as y/n’s eyes turned dark, an angry red, teeth showing like a snarling dog, dark black lines forming under her eyes. Then she snaps lunging at Natasha's neck. It looks like the scene from one of the old black and white horror pics they weren’t allowed to see as a child. She was more fearsome than old Nosferatu. 

  
“Oh daaaaaammnn! She got you” Sam cheers throwing his arms up in the air before leaning back in his seat close to what the crowd of a football game would be like.

Bucky looked around trying to understand what he just witnessed. It felt like something from one of his nightmares. There was a motive that would follow him many nights most often it would be him getting tortured screaming in pain and a small crowd, sometimes even a stadium cheering and enjoying the show. He felt his muscles tense up breath quickening, he was feeling cold. But then it all stopped and shifted.

Natasha pushed the vampire off off her neck y/n face back to normal. She was chuckling at Nat's disgusted look. “Ewww Steve, she licked me!” the Russian rubbed her hand on the wet spot on their throat her nose wrinkled in disgust. She quickly moved forward to rub the wet residue on y/n's shirt.

Y/n shrieked trying to get away from Natasha like it was all just fun and games. The girls started chasing each other around the hall Nat trying to rub her dirty hand on y/n like they were children playing catch. And Bucky realized that is was just playing pretend. A fight just for the fun of it. The horror of it was just a show. The realization made him relax but he still kept an eye out in case he was wrong.

“Alright, that was better but less show next time.” Steve stepped in and making his way over to his duffle bag. He pulled out his phone glancing at it before putting it back in “ It’s half past 3 so we’ll continue tomorrow after Lunch. “

And with that, the act of the Captain was gone and Steve, the little guy from Brooklyn came back to him. He packed up his belonging and moved over to where Sam and Bucky were sitting. He saw Bucky still tensed up, eyes unfocused, metal fingers clenched into a strong fist. Steve put his arm on Bucky’s shoulder to make him snap out of it “Hey, you okay, bud?”

Bucky blinked then looked up at Steve slowly returning to the present. “ Yeah, yeah I’m good,” he said and gave Steve a small nod. The giggling in the background stopped as Nat finally caught y/n smearing the now dry saliva on her cheek. “ Eww, Nat!” She exclaimed and tried rubbing it off off her face.

They both kept laughing at the childish game then y/n moved over to the Bench where she left her things with Sam. He got up and pulled her close by the waist. She beamed at him, leaning her head against his shoulder. “ Are you still up for going out?” He asked her. Looking down at the woman like she didn’t just pretend to kill her opponent without much effort. She leaned against him enjoying the touch innocently.

“ Yeah, I guess so. But no sugary stuff. Gets me too hyped up.” She said and left his embrace to collect her water bottle. “ You guys coming, too ?” Sam asked the others in the room. Steve just shook his head “Still got some paperwork to do, maybe next time” He put his hand on Bucky's shoulder, a friendly pet “ Sure you’re gonna be fine?” he looked at his friend with concern. Bucky got up and nodded “Yeah, go do your business. Don’t worry about me.” He smiled to enforce his words. It took a second for Steve to believe him, then he moved towards the doors and disappeared from Bucky’s view. 

  
“You Nat?” Sam asked as he looked over to the spy packing up her gear. “No thank you.” She answered not paying much attention. Sam looked over at y/n. She stopped next to him, her bag thrown over her shoulder. “Look like it’s only gonna be us then,” Sam told her pouting. “ Aww, too bad.” She pets Sam’s shoulder then focusing on Bucky “ You wanna join us?” she asked, head tilting to the side. 

  
“ Where are you guys going?” Bucky asked crossing his arms. Sam grinned, liking the idea of making this a trio trip. “Normally we go to get a snack or to the southbank to chill out. The weather has been getting warmer so maybe get some ice cream. “ It sounded like something he would have been down to as a child. _Spending his pocket money on Ice cream one for him and one for Becca. She would tell all her friends how awesome her brother was for buying her as much ice cream as she wanted. It filled her with pride when he picked her up to go somewhere and her friends would whisper to each other about him._

  
That was old him but part of his new identity was to be more like his old self so he agreed.   
“Sounds fun. I'd come it’s okay for you.” he shrugged. Y/n beamed at him moving towards the door.

  
“I’ll just get changed. Meet you in the lobby in 10 min” With that, she disappeared behind the big double doors. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment for tips, advice , feelings and thoughts  
> Thank you for reading :D


	5. your

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> East by sleeping at last  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4F40M6NgRG44VE8sEB70W6?si=uplTRRRHRxqJwsbBtnowHg

Bucky’s knees were starting to hurt from the pressure Sam's seat was putting on them. The three of them decided to take y/n car instead of Tony’s expensive drives. It was a small Volkswagen Polo but not the new kind. It was one of the older models made around 1999, maybe the early 2000’s. It’s dark blue finish had started to come off in some places. A long scratch cut through the right side of the car starting at the driver's door all the way up to the back, scratched with a key no doubt. When opening the back door Bucky had contemplated asking her about the source of the scratch, it would probably make a good story for the duration of the drive. But he stopped himself, remembered their little deal and maybe it was a story she wouldn’t want to share.

  
They took the smaller car to avoid unwanted press as y/n hasn’t been officially declared part of the avengers and neither has Bucky. Since the public was not yet to know it meant that Bucky would have to squeeze into the back. He had a deja vu of the ride in Steve’s old beetle back in Berlin. He was once again sitting behind Sam, his head ducked to not bump against the short top of the car, his broad torso pushing against the short safety belt, Right shoulder pushed against the car door behind the driver's seat. 

  
Sam sat in the passenger seat watching Bucky struggle in the back through the mirror. “You comfortable there, pal?” Sam teased. His grin widened when Bucky glared at him. 

  
“ I’m sorry you have to be stuffed in the back but we are nearly there.” y/n looked at him through the back mirror giving him a reassuring smile, then focusing back on the road. 

  
She was a good driver, focused, careful and experienced. She could drive the small vehicle without any bumps or cutting tight corners. Bucky looked out of his window watching the other cars passing by. “ ‘s fine, Doll.”

They kept driving in silence for a bit until he noticed them leaving the city towards the southeast. They passed Brooklyn, then Howard Beach and continued onto Cross bridge Boulevard. He knew this road but couldn’t remember where from. Most of the buildings were new and the street had been worked on. When crossing the Broad channel and entering into Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge it was Sams turn to look at y/n.

“ Wait, I thought we said we were gonna go to Spring Creek?” he asked confused. 

  
Y/n smiled mischievously keeping the car steady while driving through the natural resort. Outside birds were sitting in the tall grass surrounding the water, the wildflowers were starting to bloom again as it was springtime now.   
Bucky carefully watched his surroundings, blinking as the sun blinded him. It helped him remember the last time he was here, he was much smaller than he was now. 

  
_The sun blinded him through the windows of the old bus. He watched a duck jumping into a pond, making a splash before shaking the droplets of water out of its feathery coat._

_“ Mommy, how far is it? I’m getting bored!” Becky sat next to him looking at their mother and pouting._

_“It’s not far darling, only 3 more stops” she answered, brushing back a few strands of hair that had loosed from her daughter's braid._

_Bucky tapped her little sister on the shoulder, pointing out of the window. “ Look, Becca, there’s a duck on the lake. One of those special black and white ones. It’s gonna dive in a minute. Wanna bet where it’s going to come back for air?” She followed his line of sight moving from her position between him and their mother to lean over Bucky’s lap. The new teddy she got was resting on his thigh while she let go of it to push both hands against the glass._

_“Where James? I can’t see it “_

Bucky blinked away a few tears, concentrating to get his breath back to a normal speed.

  
“We’re going to Rockaway Beach” he said looking into the rearview mirror. His eyes met y/n’s.

He could only see part of her face, her lips pulled up “Yup, they sell the best ice cream there is“ Bucky couldn’t help but smile.

The way she could transform from a blood hungry beast into a playful gal was incredible. She kept her eyes on the road for the rest of the drive silently smiling to herself. The soft afternoon light was gently reflecting off off her face.

_________________________

They got out of the car in a small parking lot close to the beach boulevard. Bucky stretched towering over y/n as she got out of the driver's seat. “ You wanna sit in the passenger seat on the way back?”, she chuckled.

His arms shielding her face from the sun as he stretched them towards the sky. “Nah, Doll, there’s no way for you to move the gearshift with me up front.” he said rolling his shoulders.

She smiled at him with that warmth, kind eyes following his movements till he saw a shiny reflection on her cheek.  
He cursed, quickly pulling his arms down. It was so peaceful and nostalgic that for a moment he forgot about that damned metal weapon they put on him. He angrily pulled on his sleeving to make it longer in hopes of covering the mechanical fingers.

Y/n quickly moved around him, towards the trunk of the car, opening it and pulling out a denim jacket. She held it out towards him “Would you please carry my jacket? In case I get cold later on.” 

He looked at her, confused about the way she phrased her words. It was obvious that she did it to help him, yet she put it like it was a question. It seemed unlikely that she would get cold in the warm afternoon sun if she could get cold to begin with. A dark flashback from the events that took place only a few hours prior clouded his view. _The inhuman hiss, the way her eyes darkened, moving with inhuman speed and force_.

“Buck?” She asked concerned, pulling him back from his thoughts. He shook his head, chasing the dark thoughts away then looked down at her, his sight following to her outstretched hand holding the jacket.  
“Yes, sure thing” He answered quickly taking the object from her. 

Sam had been walking ahead. He was halfway across the parking lot, turning to look where to two got lost “Are you guys coming or not?”   
_______________________________________________  
They settled on a bench by the shore, Sam had taken his shoes off, feet dangling in the cool sand. The blue fabric of y/n jacket rested in Bucky’s lap, covering his left hand. When sitting down he got a whiff of its smell. It gave off an old scent a bit like the one old books had or the way an attic or basement would smell. It was mixed with a flowery scent, maybe rose or tulip, he wasn’t sure. 

  
She got up from her seat next to Bucky and positioned herself in front of the two men. One hand on her hip, the other shielding her eyes from the bright light. He hadn’t thought about that dilemma yet. How could she go out on a sunny spring day without burning up or turning to dust? The sun was the best chance against vampires or so it said in the old horror books he read. But she seemed perfectly fine, even enjoying the warmth. 

  
“ I don’t know, whatever you think is best, surprise me. But nothing fruity, please” Sam said, giving her his order and passing her a five-dollar note. She took it from him then turning to Bucky.

“ What about you? “, she asked, vaguely nodding towards the menu behind them that stood next to the small ice cream store. There were multiple people in line, couples, families, children. A young woman was standing in the booth her dark hair giving a strong contrast to the white and blue painted wood of the stand. 

_He sat in the sand hands resting against the warm sand his feet shuffling around, trying to dig into the deeper levels where the sand would be colder and slightly wet. His mother was laying on a blanket next to him. She was reading one of those lady magazines that gave useless tips on fashion and cooking, anything a woman was supposed to be back then. His sister was quickly running towards him, calling his name in a hurry._

_“ Can you give me 60 cents? They got the 99 flake with this special sauce I wanna try out and you got this month's pocket money” she sputtered out, bouncing on the spot. He moved to pull out a 2 dollar bill handing it to her_

_“ Here, and bring me a normal one, would you?” She nodded quickly and took off towards the store._

  
“They still got those 99 flake?” he said to y/n smiling at the pleasant memory.

She grinned, happy about the fact that he remembered the old treat. “Sure, but they only have the normal one. They stopped making special sauce after the war”. she answered, it made him frown, eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.

He wet his lips “How come you know about special sauce?” he asked with genuine confusion. There was no way she would have known about it if they stopped production in the 40’s. Sam watched the conversation a smirk on his lips, brown eyes going back to her. 

  
“Oh you know, my ‘grandma’ worked here.” She said with a wink, fingers quoting in the air. She moved around them, giving Sam an amused look then walking to stand in line. 

Bucky’s turned around to watch her for a few seconds before turning back to look at his friend. “Her grandma?” he asked with doubt.

Sam chuckled “You don’t have any idea how long she’s been around, huh?” his smile broadened when Bucky looked even more confused. He never really thought about it. She acted to natural around everyone, used to all the technology he struggled with even the bodiless voice Stark had installed in basically every corner of the building didn't seem to phase her. Sam turned towards him.

“ Look, all I’m gonna say is that she has seen a lot. I don’t even know half of the story and it’s not my place to tell you but I can guarantee you she is waaaaay past your and Steve’s age.” Falcon leaned back watching her interact with the woman selling the ice cream. Bucky did the same, observing how she smiled at the girl, handing her the money. If Sam had been telling the truth she must have been past the 100-year mark. It sounded absurd judging by her young look but then Steve and he didn’t look too bad either.

“She spooked you back in the gym, right?” Sam peered at him trying to get him to talk.

“Yeah a bit. I guess I just didn’t expect her to be able to be so….” Bucky couldn’t find the right words to describe it.

“So monstrous? Yeah, freak me out back when I first watched her. I wouldn’t want to cross her if she snapped. Wouldn’t last a second before becoming her dinner” Sam said and huffed out a laugh. “ But she is a kitten, really, there is no need to be scared. You should have seen her that one night we played twister. She was like a toddler, laughing like stupid” Sam looked back at her, remembering how she had to brush away the tears of laughter when she couldn't hold herself anymore and flopped on top of Tony.

  
She took the ice cream cones from the girl, two of waffles balancing between the fingers of her left hand, the other treat carried in her right. She was such a mystery to him but he didn’t feel like digging for answers. He'd rather enjoy his ice cream dreaming of the old days, warm rays hitting his back, curling his toes in the sand.


	6. Brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy easter/ Passover / Sunday  
> There is no special song for this chapter. Hope you enjoy :)  
> As always feedback is very appreciated <3

And so the weeks went by and the light April weather turned into warm June. All the trees were green and lush, flowers were in full bloom all around the city and Bucky enjoyed the sweet smell of summer. He just returned from his morning run. This time he went on his own. Sam didn’t feel like getting up after returning from a meeting in DC and Steve was busy with planning the next missions and had asked everyone to meet up at 10 to talk them through his plans.

As far as Buck understood there was a German company that smuggled weapons over the border. Most customers were small illegal groups but HYDRA was one of their biggest clients. The plan was to infiltrate their Main Office and gather information. If possible take out their leader, leaving the lower officers scrambling, a technique used in the Peloponnesian war. 

  
Bucky entered Stark tower and went up to his room. The clock read 9.35 just enough time for a quick shower. The hot water eased his sore muscles, he brushed a and hand through his long hair. It was time for a haircut he thought, maybe trying something new. His long shaggy hair was the last reminder of his time as HYDRA's Asset. T’challa kindly offered him to make a new arm, it was crafted more carefully, allowed for more movement and it didn’t produce that horrible whirring sound that still haunted him. 

  
He exited the shower wiping his old shirt over the mirror to clear up the fog. He looked in the reflector not sure which person would meet him there. Sometimes he felt like having 3 lives.

The old one that offered so many opportunities to young sergeant James B. Barnes. That life was cut short in a war that took more lives than he wished to know.

  
Then there was the 2nd one that felt like a haze. The one of the Winter Soldier only following orders. No emotions, no memories. He couldn’t really call it a life, he hardly lived it but it was what most people associate him with. And then there was this.

He was now, a good 100 years later, but who was he? His ID still read his old name “James Buchanan Barnes” born on the 10th of March 1917. 

  
_1917_

  
It felt like a lifetime ago and to him it was. He grabbed one of the small brown hairbands that Steve got him and pulled the top part of his hair into a small bun at the back of his head.   
Now could be a good time to be a new person, open a new chapter.   
He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He grabbed the sink to steady himself a little, taking deep breaths to prepare for the meeting he would have to attend soon.   
Group gatherings still stressed him out, the constant fear of being judged and reduced to the weapon he was made to be.

Bucky exited the bathroom and put on a simple Black T-shirt with jeans. Moving to the elevator he once again checked the time it was 9.50 now just enough to grab something to eat. He pressed the button for the community floor waiting patiently for the doors to open. The smell of warm bread and coffee filled his nostrils and he followed it to the open kitchen. The table was unoccupied, dirty plates and cups in the sink, some still on the table. He went to the coffee maker to quickly prepare a drink and take it into the meeting.

But it was occupied by the white mug he had claimed for himself. It was filled with coffee still steaming but a little cooled down. A milk carton was placed next to it along with a spoon and the box of sugar cubes. He glanced at it, not sure whether to take or leave it. His fingers reached for the china but he quickly pulled his hand back when he heard a door slam shut on his left. 

  
Y/N excited what seemed to be a makeshift cooling chamber carrying 2 small brown glass bottles. They looked like those chemistry bottles used to store light-sensitive liquids, both vails full. On one of them, a small drop of dark liquid rolled down on the side of the glass. She quickly stopped the droplet with her pinky finger, cleaning up the spill. The red drop vanished as she quickly sucked on her fingertip, cleaning off what he could only assume to be blood. 

“ Oops, sorry didn’t mean to scare you.” She said, placing the bottles on the counter next to the fridge.

She opened it, placing the bottles on at the very bottom shelf on the fridge door. The other one stayed on the counter both of them holding about 10 ounces of liquid. She grabbed her mug filled about ¾ with coffee. 

  
“I made a little bit too much and thought that you might like some after your run” she smiled at him, nodding towards the white ceramic, then stealing the sugar cubes.

She carefully poured about a third of the mysterious dark liquid into the coffee, throwing in a cube of sugar and stirring the mixture.   
Bucky watched her, puzzled by how carefree she seemed to work with such an unusual ingredient. She must have noticed him staring, y/n leaning against the counter and taking a sip.

“ I need a little in the morning.” He kept staring at the cup in her hands making her uncomfortable.

She assumed that he would just be as cool with it as the others, but then again he didn’t come up for the community breakfast so it must have been his first time watching her feed.   
“ Caffeine, too” She joked laughing nervously.

It made him snap out of it.

He blinked looking over at the white cup and moving his right hand to grab it. “Yeah, thank you.” he said giving her a weak smile.

She nodded, taking the other brown bottle and placing it in the fridge next to the other. “ I guess it’s time to go upstairs. Can’t afford to be late again.” She chuckled taking her cup and moving towards the elevator.

He smiled to himself revisiting the moment of their first meeting. The way she tried to move without making a sound, her coy smile such a strange behavior for a predator. 

She stopped by the table and looked over her shoulder “There’s a croissant left if you would like some food.” y/n said pointing at the dark bread basket on the table.

“ Oh right, thanks” he answered watching her walk on and following after, grabbing the croissant on his way. He should stop having such judging thoughts. It was unfair to constantly judge her for having a dark side when he wanted people to stop judging him. Right now there were just Bucky and y/n two people on their way to a meeting. Their alter egos were part of their job, they shouldn’t define them. 

  
He quickly entered the left before the doors closed behind him. y/n eyes were on the steaming mug in her hands. Both hands holding it close like she was warming herself up then she took a sip. Just then Bucky noticed how much smaller she was.

They were never this close, he was towering over her with a good few inches of height. His shoulders were broad, easily wider than hers. She looked up at him “Did Steve tell you what the meeting is about?” she asked, then lift coming to a stop, giving a small chime.

“ He said he wanted to discuss the next mission. An infiltration as far as I know.”

They walked next to each other when reaching the door, Bucky quickened his pace to be ahead of her and opening the door so that y/n could step in. He didn’t even realize he was doing it until she stepped in, smiling at him and giving him a small thank you. She quietly looked over everyone, greeting them with a kind look, then sitting down between Bruce and Wanda. Bucky walked in after her. 

“What a gentleman he is” Tony said raising his eyebrows in mocking admiration. 

  
“Tony, play nice” Steve warned him before pulling Buck into a side hug. “ Hey Buck, are you sure you wanna be here? It’s gonna be about some HYDRA work and I do-”

“Don’t worry about it pal, I can handle it” Bucky interrupted him.

He was thankful for Steve’s consideration but he didn’t want to be treated like a child. Steve nodded and released him then setting up the beamer while Bucky moved to the seat at the end of the table next to Sam. The two had grown closer the better they got to know each other. 

Steve moved to the chart board up front starting the presentation “ Alright, we’re going to talk about an upcoming mission on cutting HYDRA weapon supplies. We got information that a company called ‘Schwalb Logistics’ is transporting automatic and half-automatic handguns as well as explosives across borders. They are officially trading with metal goods for construction sites but we found their containers on multiple HYDRA bases. The plan is to infiltrate their U.S headquarters close to Boston and taking their delivery schedules to stop the transportation and find the coordinates to other HYDRA facilities.” Steve paused, showing multiple pictures of obtained cargo, the building and the company logo. He stopped at the picture of a middle-aged man, his brown hair thinning, some hairs already turning gray. He wore frameless glasses looking into the camera with a tight smile. “ This is Christian Eber, we have proof that he is a highly ranked HYDRA official working for Schwalb Logistics. If our information is correct he will be at the Office in Boston waiting for a HYDRA informant to give him their next weapon order.” Steve stepped over to the table sitting down “We will send someone in to pose as the informant, to gather information and take out Eber.” Steve said looking at the other Avengers.

“I was planning on sending Natasha, you have experience with negotiation and you know how to get into a building unnoticed.”  
The redhead leaned back contemplating for a bit the others were watching her, waiting for her response. Y/n was leaning on the table hands still clutching her coffee. She took a sip of her drink, trying to stay in the background just like Bucky.

“No, I don’t think I am the best choice for this. They know me by now and they are expecting a guest. I wouldn't make sense to sneak in.” The assassin answered, making Steve frown. 

Tony moved in his seat before clearing his throat “ What about fangs?” He leaned back, eyes focused on y/n “ She’s new, hasn’t been on many missions and she knows German. And even if things go south, she can just throw a little hissy fit and the job is done.” he snapped his fingers then retreating, acting quite proud of himself.   
Y/n lowered her cup looking at the others “ I guess I could do that. Doesn’t sound too hard.” She shrugged looking at Steve for approval. He didn’t seem too sure about it.

Of course, she had the right skills for the job and with her, they wouldn’t have to worry about arranging a backup plan to pull her out if things got too heated. But he didn’t trust her enough to do the job on her own, sure she was used to disguises but it seemed like too much of a risk.

  
“ I don’t think that’s a good idea. Y/n is new and inexperienced maybe we sh-” He was interrupted by Sam.   
“But Steve, she is our best bet. We don’t even have to worry about getting her past the guards if she can do her little eye thing!” He explained, earning a nod from most of the others.

“He’s right” Nat said trying to persuade the captain. 

  
Bucky moved towards Sam whispering in his ear “ What eye thing?”

Y/n was sitting across the table her hands under the table fingers playing with her sleeves no doubt. She wasn’t concerned about the mission itself it would be very easy and she could pull every bit of information from her target before making quick use of him. It was rather that she wasn’t expecting to get Steve’s approval. He hasn’t assigned her to anything yet even though she had been part of the team for 7 months. 

Sam leaned over to Bucky “ She can stare at someone and make them do anything. Like that dude in preacher, that show I told you about.” Sam said making Bucky nod acknowledging his answer. Buck wasn’t even surprised anymore there seemed to be a new layer of y/n revealed to him every day. But he couldn’t ask her directly, they had an arrangement. 

“ Cap, Bridy is right. It would be dumb not to send her.” Tony weighed in. Bucky agreed, she seemed to be tailored for the job. Her gaze was still fixed on Steve silently waiting for the okay. The mission would be soon and she would have to prepare. 

Steve sighed knowing that he was defeated. “Fine, you are right. Y/n I’ll send you in. Get ready, we will be leaving for Boston this afternoon. But Bucky and I will come with you for back up.”


	7. works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My favorite so far :) The German text isn't important you will understand through context  
> Song is: Ich geh heut nicht mehr tanzen by AnnenMayKantereit https://open.spotify.com/track/13Fo5bvBmmDDaMGtLlAqB5?si=nAE1Og-5TJyaqAS9-OvgkA
> 
> The 'How could I not love you' Playlist:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=rQJOPxsJR3WBTM1jiuuhMQ

So they left New York that same day and arrived in Boston and stayed in a small base. They started their mission the following morning. Mr. Eber would expect his HYDRA contact to meet him at 9 in the morning. The plan was to have y/n arrive a little earlier and pose as said HYDRA agent while the other two would deal with the real agent. Tony had organized a surveillance truck that would pose as a control center while Y/n got a sleek black limousine so that no one would see them together.   
Steve and y/n were in the truck talking about the arranged details as Bucky arrived. She was dressed in a black blazer a white blouse and fitting suit pants. Her light make up made the light reflect off her cheek as she turned her head to greet him.

“ Good Morning. Are you ready for the big show?” She said grinning while Steve adjusted her intercom.

“It’s not a show, Y/n. You got to stay serious on this mission.” Steve said sternly. He fumbled with the small device. He was in a hurry and didn’t like to be this close to her for any longer. It still bothered him that he was pressured into choosing her for the mission. She could be reckless or not careful enough and blow their cover.   
Steve was frustrated and his grip became harder making y/n turn her head away from him. 

Bucky noticed how uncomfortable they both were and decided to step in. “Steve I can put on the com. You can work through the parameters.” he said, gently pushing Steve towards the makeshift desk.

The blond released the breath he held and sat down on the chair, while Bucky took the small device in his hand. 

  
“Turn your head a little, would you doll.” He said, gently putting the back of his hand against her chin to move her in the right direction. She jumped a little, moving back, then touching the spot on her face where his fingers were.

She let out a laugh “ Sorry, it was a bit cold.” y/n said, then stepping back into her spot. 

Cold? Bucky looked down just then realizing that he used his metal hand without noticing. He let out a curse “ Doll, I-”

But she stopped him, taking his metal hand and moving it back to her cheek. “Don’t apologize, just keep going.” 

He stopped too perplexed to keep going. Bucky felt the warmth of her cheek seep into his cold vibranium fingers. It felt nice, heat was one of the few things he could detect with it. The new arm was much more versatile but even the advanced scientist of Wakanda couldn’t manage to connect his nerves to the electronics. He blinked, then continuing to put the device on her ear and concealing it.

  
Their little moment was interrupted by Steve. He sat in his chair, notes in hand eyeing both of them.

“Right.” He swallowed then continuing.

“We’ll go through the parameters once again. Y/n you get in at 8.50 sharp, moving through the security gates where you state your name and why you are there. You move up to the higher levels of the building reporting back where Eber’s office is located. During that time Bucky and I will take out the actual HYDRA contact. When you get in, you will get the information needed and make Eber copy all their cloud files onto a USB drive before deleting all his data. Make him open the window and turn off the security look so that we can get in. Take him out but make it look like a self-inflicted gunshot, the others don’t need to know about the HYDRA business. The least they know, the less they expect.” Steve said, leaning forward and handing y/n a small gun. 

She took it, placing it in her black leather handbag. She turned to Steve biting her lip as if nervous to ask “Can I still have him?” she asked shyly. Bucky looked from one to the other not getting what she was saying.

“Sure, but don’t make a mess.” Steve sighed handing her the car keys. 

Then it clicked. ‘ _Have him_ ’ ,right, drink from him. If he was to die anyway, why not make good use of him…..  
_____________________________________________________

Y/n exited the sleek black car, straightening her back, studying the people working and walking in the parking lot. She touched her ear, pretending to brush away some of the hair that loosened from her ponytail, but actually activating the intercom to talk to the others. 

  
“I reached the door, not many people here. Some workers packing things into trucks and containers. I’ll go inside now.” she said.

Steve and Bucky were both still in the truck listening to her over a speaker. “ Roger that.” Steve told her, giving her the O.K to go on.

  
She entered the building through the automatic glass doors. A few people were gathered in the lobby waiting or talking to others. She advanced towards the reception desk where a blonde man sat.

“Hello, my name is Marie Lieb I am here for a meeting with Mr. Eber at 9 o'clock ” y/n told the man. He nodded, typing her name into the computer, then he paused leaning closer to the monitor before looking back at y/n. 

“I’m sorry what was your name again? You don’t look like the miss Lieb we have saved in our contacts.” His hand was hovering over the button that would call security. 

Steve tensed up. How could they forget about the contact data? Eber had been working for HYDRA for some time now so it only made sense that the agent would be saved up under a wrong name. Steve was about to intervene but y/n was faster. 

She leaned forward onto the reception table and mumbled: “I said the name was Lieb”. The receptionist leaned towards her to understand her words

“ I’m sorry wh-” 

Y/n took hold of his chin, making him look into her eyes. She stared at him “ **It’s correct. Let me through and then forget my face**.” she told him with a supernatural force. 

The man stood still for a few seconds, his eyes still looking into hers, becoming cloudy. She let go of him and got off the desk. 

The receptionist blinked before looking back at his computer.

“Oh of course. Welcome miss.” He smiled at her then handing out a visitor pass.   
She took it with a kind thanks and advanced towards the security gates by the elevator. 

“I’m in.” Y/n informed Steve and Bucky.

“I had a chance to look at the HYDRA’s picture. She is tall, short dark hair, grey eyes. Seems like we are here before she arrived.” she said before walking to the security guard waiting at the elevator.

She showed him her batch then touching his chest, making him look at her. “ **Tell me where Eber’s office is. Don’t let others in** ” she commanded. His eyes become hazy, almost milky before changing back.   
“ Second floor, first door to the left. I will let no one in.” He looked back up, eyes focused on the hallway she came from. Y/n grinned, patting his chest before getting into the elevator.

“You guys got that?” 

  
Steve was watching the outside of the building, looking out for the HYDRA agent and told Bucky to take over radio communication. “Second floor, first door to the left, got it doll. Tell us when we can enter.” he said.

He felt proud of his work here. He could help without having to kill.   
“Oh hello sarge, nice to hear from you.” y/n said.

The adrenaline made her excited, a little flirty. Even though she tried her best to stay as human as possible, her nature was that of a predator. She was on the hunt and it made her giddy like a cat that would start chirping when surveying a bird it wanted to catch. 

“I’ll go in. I tell you when you can come over.” She told Bucky as the elevator chimed. 

Y/n got out studying the hallway. It was a simple building with only one long corridor. She looked to her left, the sign next to the door read the name of her target. A grin spread on her lips. This was the last stage. Get in, get the information, dine and leave.

  
She knocked on the door. There was shuffling behind the door.

Then an answer “Yes? Who is it?”, a tenor voice with a thick German accent.   
“Miss Leib”, y/n told him waiting to enter. 

  
“Ach, Fräulein Lieb! Kommen Sie, Kommen Sie.”, Eber said joyfully.

Y/n entered the office. It wasn’t as big as one would expect from a CEO office. The air was thick, the desk covered in Papers. Two chairs sat opposite of Ebers table. He was working on something on his computer, not paying much attention to her. Y/n chuckled.

His Hubris would be the end of him. She quickly sat down before we would take a closer look at her. There were multiple documents on the table, each of them printed on greyish paper, the HYDRA symbol on the far left corner.   
He looked up from his Monitor.

“ Ich hatte natürlich schon alles vorbereitet aber wollte die Dokumente verstauen, für den Fall das-” He stopped noticing his mistake. His right hand slowly moved to the drawer that most likely contained a gun. But he never made it that far. 

  
Y/n swiftly pulled him over his desk sending documents and folders to the floor. She couldn’t deny that she liked toying with her food if they deserved it. And with HYDRA agents she wouldn’t stop herself from having a little fun, each one of those bastards deserved it. 

She grabbed his chin with great force, making his lower jaw crack under the pressure. He screamed in pain but Y/n took her sweet time. He smelled like cinder wood and moos, one of those overpriced colognes no doubt. 

  
“ **I want you to pack up all the files you have regarding HYDRA and put them in a folder. Then you will copy every file you have onto a USB stick and give it to me before deleting all of your data. When you are done, open the window without setting off the security, sit down and wait**.” she commanded.

His eyes became milky, unfocused. Y/n let go of him grabbing the box of cookies on his desk and leaning back in her chair.   
“ **Go** ”, she told him and he started doing as she told him. 

Her powers allowed her to do a lot of things that would be impossible to perform otherwise. Her nature allowed her to calm her prey, making them obedient to her, that way she could survive without getting too much attention. It was a clever little trick of that horrendous virus she had moving through her veins.   
She enjoyed a few cookies before reaching for the device in her ear. 

  
“How are my super soldiers getting along?”, she asked with a flirty voice.  
Steve was back on the mic. “We obtained the agent. How long till we can gather the files?” he asked.

The captain didn’t like the cockiness she showed when she was on her ‘hunt’. She explained it to them once when joining the team. It made him weary, she was a risk to take on missions. Her demeanor could flip every second and it made her do risky things.

“ Right about…...now.” she said as Eber sat down in his chair eyes still staring ahead, unfocused. The files lay in front of him on the desk, a small blue USB next to them.   
“Such a good boy”, y/n cooed, pinching his cheek.

She got up moving the files to the side of the table. The window was to her back. “ **Go sit on the desk.** ” She instructed and the HYDRA agent followed her orders without question. 

“Folder and drive are on the desk. You can join the party now.” She told the others over then com while slowly loosening Eber’s tie and opening the first few buttons of his shirt. The back of her hand gently glided over his neck, her eyes already dark in anticipation.

”May I now?” she asked her captain in a sweet tone of voice.  
Bucky could hear her excited breath over the com. It made him feel strange, a little frightened but at the same time interested in the way her voice became a little darker, warmth pooled in his belly. 

Steve rubbed a hand over his face, sighing.

“ Go ahead but don’t make a mess” he told her.

They could hear her hiss, a wet sound followed but Steve quickly cut off the audio, getting out of the van. Bucky paused for a heartbeat. The sounds made the hairs on his neck stand up. It was exciting as it was frightening, he was interested in what scene they would witness when entering the office.

  
_________________________________________

  
Steve entered first. They had climbed up the building from the unwatched backside and snuck onto the roof. Walking along it they could see the open frame where Y/n has told them to enter in order to pick up the data and collect her. Steve climbed down the roof and jumped into the room with a swift jump, Bucky could hear Steve swear from the open window but didn’t make out what he said. He followed quickly and was met with a strange scene. 

  
Y/n was standing at a desk, her back facing the window, their target sat on the table whimpering quietly eyes hooded. Her left hand was grappling at the back of his neck, her nails digging into the flesh. Her right hand was behind Eber’s shoulder holding her close.   
Y/n was drinking greedily but taking her time, she wouldn’t grand the HYDRA scum a quick end. He would have to wait it out, lights slowly dimming till there was no drop left. 

She was letting out little moans and huffs while she sucked him dry,to Bucky it almost seemed ecstatic. 

  
Steve was getting visibly aggregated. They didn’t have time for this, it was supposed to be a quick mission and with every second they wasted the more likely it was to get noticed. Steve looked over to Bucky, giving him a small nod before carefully moving towards y/n placing his hand on her shoulder.

“Y/n, hey, I think y-” She turned around hissing at him, ~~don’t disturb a tiger when it’s eating..~~.   
Steve moved back, hand instinctively going towards his gun. He wouldn’t shoot her, would he?

She went back to her meal but Bucky could see through the act. It wasn’t her, whatever she was made to be took over, her curse, her own winter soldier.

The men shared a look, Bucky swallowed collecting himself, then he turned to her.

“Doll, it’s me.” he slowly moved forward “ I don’t want to bother you but we gotta go now.” he took another step, and with all the bravery he could muster he put his hand on her back. 

  
“Come back, doll. It’s time to go” he said, it made her stop.

Her shoulders slumped, she took a few breaths then answered “Okay…” her voice was small, shy.   
She lowered her prey on the table, swallowing once more, then wiping her mouth on his tie. 

  
“I’m sorry. We can leave now. The folders are there.” She nodded towards the papers next to the body but didn’t turn around yet. Bucky removed his hand and from her back, she took another deep breath, then turned around.

“ Thank you” she told Bucky softly.

Steve moved to gather all the folders she prepped and put them in his bag. He looked at the body, his cover-up wouldn’t work now. 

“We have to do something with him. Can't leave traces” He said but they all knew didn’t want to say bite marks. 

“I can fix it.” Y/n offered.

“I think you did enough we don’t need-” But Steve was too late

. She had pricked her thumb with the staple remover. A small drop of dark, almost black liquid came out of the wound. She proceeded and smeared her black blood onto the wounds. 

“How is that supposed to help, we need to take the body away.” Steve was annoyed. But in seconds the wound closed up, nothing but a bit of red was left.   
“ He is still alive so I can still heal up the marks.” y/n explained. She thought that Steve would know these things by now but he wasn’t particularly interested in her, she realized. The skin on the HYDRA's neck was fully intact, no mark what so ever.

  
Y/n took a step back, bumping into Bucky, she looked up at him to apologize but he stopped her with a kind look and his metal hand on her shoulder as if saying ‘it’s okay, don’t worry’.

Steve put the silencer of his gun and finished Eber off. He wanted this to be an easy, quiet mission but now he had to do the dirty work himself. ‘That’s what you get when you listen to the others’ he thought as he placed the gun in Ebers hand, making it look like he did it. 

The captain stalked past the other two, Y/n tried to talk to him but he silenced her with a raised hand

“We will talk later.” Steve said before leaving swiftly. And what talk they would have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3


	8. so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I'm being honest by Dodie  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5K2cBicu96Pf4mrBv3Jojk?si=4O3WT5OSQIq5KuIhJUKWLQ
> 
> Story playlist  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=be4rzsniQSKN7kh0lDGDxQ

  
Bucky didn’t see Y/n much after they returned to the jet. Steve pulled her into the cockpit and she only came out after they landed, hurrying past him, close to tears. Bucky watched her leave he had never expected that Steve could make a girl cry.   
He turned towards the cockpit where Steve still sat in the pilots' chair. He was slumped back looking through the documents they recovered. The blonde sighed as he heard his friend come closer.

  
“What happened?” Bucky asked. He didn’t know how to approach the situation, he didn’t want to anger Steve, yet he needed to know Steve must have told the girl to make her cry. The captain let out a huff, looking over his shoulder to Bucky who was leaned against the door frame. 

  
“What do you think happened? “ Steve asked, looking back at the papers “ I suspended her until further notice” 

Suspended? Bucky agreed that y/n’s behavior wasn’t ideal but she got the job done. They got all the information they wanted and didn’t get into any unnecessary fights. He always saw Steve as a good and fair leader but it seemed like he acted out of hurt pride.

“Steve, don’t you think that is a bit-”

“A bit harsh?” Steve answered for him, he turned around in his seat, setting the folders onto the cockpit with more force than necessary.

“Bucky this isn’t the first time she snapped at one of us. I can’t take her on missions when she is so unstable.” Steve expressed his anger.   
Bucky looked down, ‘unstable’, something others would describe him with as well. He looked up at Steve. 

  
“ You call her unstable but take me on HYDRA missions?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. 

“Buck, that’s not the same she-”

“But it is.” Bucky stopped him.

“She did everything right, you can’t throw her out cause she snapped at you.” Now Bucky was getting defensive. He couldn’t stand unfair behavior especially coming from superior. Wasn’t that the reason why Steve took on his own unit?

“Look, Buck, I don’t know what you two have going on but I can’t treat the incident lightly just cause you fancy her.” Now Steve was getting personal.

“What we have going on? Nothing is going on.” Bucky laughed. She was nice, sure but it would never cloud his judgment. Neither make him treat her too rough nor too light.

“Maybe you should come back to reality and stop pretending to be that glorious hero all the time. Judge things by the way they actually happened.” Bucky turned to leave.

“Fucking Hubis will break your neck, Stevie.” Bucky left, ignoring Steve’s orders for him to come back.   
He really needed a drink.

______________________________________________  
When Y/n didn’t show up for neither dinner nor movie night Bucky decided to look for her. Steve’s words must have hit hard when they could make such a joyous woman retreat to the quietness of her room. He took off but even before leaving his own room, he realized that he had no clue where she was stationed. He refused to ask the others, it could cause gossip and they both didn’t need that. Bucky didn’t feel like talking to Steve either, they didn’t fight but Buck preferred to keep his distance after the argument. So for the first time since moving into the tower, he had to rely on the bodiless program that Stark had planted all over the tower.   
“Uhhh, Friday?” he asked quietly, feeling stupid for seemingly talking to no one.

“Yes Sergeant Barnes?” the female voice came from a speaker somewhere above his head. 

“Where is Y/n room?” he tried to keep quiet in case anyone could hear. 

“ Her living quarters are on this story. Please follow the hallway and enter through the second security door. Y/n’s room will be on the far right.” the program explained.

Did she live on the same floor? Bucky thought that he was alone on this level. Ne never saw anyone around, always assumed there were storage rooms or labs around him. Placed in the attic where he belonged….

  
He made he was along the hallway just like the AI had instructed him to. When he reached the door he hesitated for a bit. What explanation had he for being here?

“ Oh hi, I heard that Steve was being a dick. Are you okay?” No  
“ I know you were kinda expelled but wanna go have some ice cream? I enjoyed the last trip.” Nope  
“ ~~You sure acted scarry back then but it was kinda hot.”~~ Hell no!

He calmed his nerves knocking on her door. It wouldn’t come to that, right?

“Come in.” her muffled voice came through the door. Bucky slowly opened the door. Her room was quite similar to his. A little brighter, light wood where he had dark. She was sitting on a light blue chaise lounge, a cream-colored blanket covering her lower half. She was holding a small red book.

It was battered, the pages turning a yellowish-brown, some pages were sticking out, a few ripping at the edges. 

“You weren’t at dinner so I wanted to see if you are okay.” He said in earnest. She seemed too tough and experienced, he would never have guessed that she would be so upset by someone like Stevie. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She smiled at him but it didn’t reach her eyes. They were still teary.

“I know what ‘fine’ means.” She chuckled pulling her legs off off the seat, quietly inviting him to sit down.   
He took the over sitting down at the end of the couch. She put the book down between them.

“Am I that easy to read?” she sounded tired, her voice strung like she had been crying.

“No, I talked to Steve. I’m sorry to hear you were suspended.”   
She huffed “I’m only suspended till the captain needs someone to do the dirty work.” her voice laced with venom.” That seems to be the only thing I am good at.” She put the book aside, turning away to hide the tears welling up in her eyes.   
Her gaze was fixed on the small book now placed on the small table next to her. 

Bucky didn’t want to push her any further. He knew that feeling and no matter how much one would try to tell him how it wasn’t true he wouldn’t believe it.   
He looked over her head to take a look at the tile of the booklet.  
“The comedy of errors?” he had not heard of it but judging by the format it seemed to be a drama.

“Yeah, it’s from my Shakespeare collection. One of my favorites.” she took the book, gently brushing her fingers over the bleached out title. 

“I never heard of it. What’s it about?”, maybe a conversation about stuff she liked could cheer her up. 

“It’s a bit complicated but that’s where the humor is coming from”, she turned to him and started explaining.

  
“ So there are 2 sets of twins, one of the noble, one of the sets are the other slaves. They are all on the same ship as it gets caught in a storm then they are separated each noble with their slave. They grow up apart from each other, not knowing about the other two. When adults are both in the same town and a lot of things get mixed up and their father needs to find them…” She trailed off smiling to herself. “ My brother got an old copy of it and he read it to us. We sometimes tried to act it out but he was the only one that could read so it took us quite some time to learn the text. I used to play the character of Luciana. Mary was older so she was Adriana.” Y/n started flipping through the book.

Bucky remembered their agreement but he couldn’t help himself to ask.   
“You have a sister?” he assumed she would be dead but didn’t want to offend her by being that direct. Sometimes pretending would be more kind.

“ There were five of us. John was the oldest, then Adam, Mary and I. Christopher died young. I don’t really remember him.” she sniffled. 

“They are all gone now?” He watched as she moved to lay back down but she pulled her legs towards herself to not kick him.

“Yes, somewhat.” her answer was vague but he wouldn’t push her. 

“ Becky is gone too. She died in the ’70s had a good life though.” He leaned back. 

They were both connected in their loss. Both out of time, seen and judged for something they didn’t want to be seen as.

“Thank you, James.”  
James.  
It must have been ages since someone called him by that name. It felt foreign to him like it belonged to someone else, someone from a long time ago.   
Then again it only seemed fit that someone as old as her would call him by that old name. Just then he realized that she had never called him by name. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she questioned, her leg gently kicking his thigh.

“You called me James.”

“That’s your name, is it not?”

“Yes, but no calls me by it. Normally it’s Buck or Bucky.” He told her. But she started to laugh.

“Well I won’t call you by that, what are you? A chipmunk?” She laughed her joy returning slowly. It made him laugh as well.

They settled into a nice silence as she kept flipping through the book.

“ Would you read to me?” He asked without thinking about it. With her he could trust his instincts to say the right thing, it had worked well so far.

“ It’s a drama. I can’t read that out loud on my own, silly.” she chuckled.

“ Then do some voices, I’m sure you can manage.” He grinned at her.

“ No.” she answered quickly pulling the book in front of her face so that he couldn’t look at her face.

“C’mon doll.” He whined.  
“Hmmm” She tapped her finger against her chin, pretending to think about it.”Nope, I don’t think so.” she hid back behind her book.

Bucky enjoyed the little game they were playing. It made him feel carefree, childish, and it made him act accordingly. He grabbed her legs, putting them over his lap.   
It made y/n lower her book, blushing slightly. She didn’t expect him to touch her but she did enjoy it. 

“ Please, y/n.” He pouted. 

She chuckled then looking at him challenging.   
“Beseech me” she grinned, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

“Now doll, I don’t think that is an appropriate request-” he played along making her blush.

“No! Not that!” she hit his chest with the small book.  
“To beseech means to beg. Geeze…” 

“ I know, I was only kidding” he lifted his hands in defense.

“Sure, sarge.” she laughed, then once again flipping through the pages. “ I can read you Aegeon's monologue”, she offered.

“Sure.” He leaned back and ready to listen to her read.

She cleared her throat and started to read. “ A heavier task could not have been impos’d than I to speak my griefs unspeakable!”   
She continued getting more into character with each line. It made her voice change, her demeanor, till she changed her accent. It sounded more like an American trying to sound Irish than anything else. Bucky had to let out a small laugh when a word sounded particularly strange.

“ Why are you laughing? This is a sad tale!” she stared at him slightly offended. 

“What is with that accent?” he let out the laugh he was holding back.

Started laughing as well “ I beg your pardon?” But she made it sound like ‘Ai egg yoor pardon’ “ I am reading Shakespeare the way it was supposed to be read!”   
She once again hit him with the book. 

Bucky brushed away a tear he had shed laughing. He never heard someone speak with such a strange accent, it wasn’t really english…. Or maybe it was its predecessor. He stopped, turning towards her. If she could talk speak a dead accent, how old must she be?

“Wait, is that how you talk?” he asked her with a serious tone. But she didn’t feel like being serious just yet when they had so much fun goofing around. 

“Maybe.” She grinned “But I won’t tell you, in fact, I already told you way too much. What became of our deal?!” she crossed her arms.

“We could change it. Every time someone asks about something personal they have to answer a question as well,” he said, also crossing his arms, mimicking her.

“ Deal.” She stretches out her hand for him to shake.

“Deal” 


	9. well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who totally underestimated their Summer semester. :,)  
> I'll have to change the upload schedule to once a week, sorry darlings.
> 
> Song: re:stacks by Bon Iver https://open.spotify.com/track/6EhAIEtuOABhRJ17NjDVjL?si=NraMdvkYSEqC7QLwVbGF2Q
> 
> Playlist:https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=8KbjrEytQtur79jfaTAWcw

_Cold, he felt nothing but the freezing cold under his back. Most bones broken, disfigured. He laid there waiting. He had been here many times reviewing the horror, the feeling of slowly slipping away, and not being able to do anything about it. He looked to his left, his arm twisted in an unnatural angle. It was a miracle to only lose one limb when the fall felt like it shattered his core. Bucky took a deep breath, Zola would be here soon, he always came to mock him, take him away. This dream became a regular occurrence. Always beginning the same, sometimes he just accepted it, waiting it out. Other times he would fight, trying to stop what was about to happen t him. But it would always end the same. The chair, always that damned chair._  
_“Sergeant Barnes!” , Zola cheered as if seeing an old friend. “ Funny that we meet again, don’t you think?” he grinned at him. That night Bucky decided to fight. He had enough of holding back and being treated like a puppet._

  
Steve was trying to hold Bucky back, ducking under punches, talking to him in hopes of pulling him out of his dreams. “ Buck stop!” Steve was knocked against the wall, Barens advancing towards him, anger burning in his veins. The blond rolled away, a hole in the wall where his head had been just a second.” Bucky, snap out of it! It’s me, Steve!”

 _Zola tried to run but he would get him. That little weasel would get his payback. Bucky pinned him to the wall, ready to knock him out._  
“ **James** ” something warm rested against his cheek, a hand, small…. It gently brushed over his cheek, moving to his chin and turning his head to the side.

Y/n woke up from the commotion in the other room. It sounded like a fight. She got up, making her way across the hallway to make sure everything was fine. The door to James' room was open, she could hear yelling, grunting, and then the sound of concrete breaking away. She moved faster entering carefully. 

The brunette was in a haze, breathing hard, right hand at Steve’s throat, pushing him against the wall ready to finish him off.

He could make out a face is the dimly lit room. He was drawn in by her eyes, enchanting him. He forgot about the Nazis in his hand, all of his focus on her.   
“ **James, calm down. You’re safe**.” she said, an angel no doubt. His body slacked, he got go off the target, leaning against the warmth of his angel's hand.

Steve scrambled away leaving the room to catch his breath he was glad that y/n showed up he wasn’t sure if he would have made it otherwise. He thought her little manipulation trick to be immoral but he was thankful for it. He watched as the sat down on the floor with him, holding him and soothing him. 

The angel held him close, whispering calming words. How he wished it would have appeared on the day he feels to his doom. Maybe it would have saved him or at least taken him to a better place. He took another deep breath and followed her instructions to sit down on the bed, then laying down. 

Bucky’s eyes were a milky white, captured under her spell. She hated to use it on those that were dear. Taking away their will and making then do whatever she wished, but it seemed in his interest or so she taught herself. She made him lay down, all of his joints stiff as if he was a mannequin. Y/n moved to sit on the side of his bed. Gently tucking him in. She brushed a hand through his hair. “ **Now sleep, dream of something pleasant** ” she instructed, lifting her power from him as he closed his eyes. What a torched soul he must have.

Y/n quietly left, shutting the lights and carefully closing the door behind her. Steve was leaned against the wall, he looked up when he saw her leaving the room. “Thank you, I wouldn’t have managed,” Steve admitted.

She nodded “ He won’t remember it tomorrow. Make sure to come up with a good story for the hole there.” She pointed to the indent on the wall next to her. Bucky managed to punch through both full concrete walls.  
Y/n look at the angry red marks on Steve's neck, there was a cut over his eyebrow, the area of his face started to turn blue.   
“You want me to heal that?” she asked politely, pointing at her own eyebrow.

They each stood on the opposite side of the wall, leaving as much space to the other as possible, both hoping the other wouldn’t notice the distance they were creating.   
“Oh, no, no, no, it’ll heal overnight. No need to.” Steve was disgusted by ingesting her blood even when it would ease the pain and free him from having to make up a cover story for his injuries. He wouldn’t even touch the filtered solution Banner created. 

“Right” She expected his reaction, the rejection still stung.” Good night then, captain.” She nodded and left for her own apartment. 

  
________________________  
Of course, Bucky asked about the hand-shaped wound on Steve's neck. They were on their daily run. Steve had joined then a bit later than usual. He caught a bit of what Bucky was telling Sam while they waited for him.

  
“I swear, I haven’t slept so well since before the war. The stupid nightmare started as usual but then it just stopped and went away.” Bucky even looked better than usual. A genuine smile on his lips, he seemed happy about his accomplishment. 

“See, I told you to try out lucid dreaming!” Sam petted his friends shoulder.  
__________________________  
  
The next few nights went okay without any disturbances. Then, four days after Bucky’s last nightmare he was back. It was the same dream that always haunted him, only this time he didn’t fight it.

Y/n had been more aware of the noises at night, she relaxed but still paid attention to any disturbance. That night she heard wild shuffling, whimpers as if he was in pain. She quickly got up to check on James. 

He was cold, waiting for this torture to arrive, they came, taking him by the neck and pulling him through the snow. He twisted in their grip, making the pain stop if they let him go.   
Then there was the warm hand that saved him. His angel gently touched his chest, pushing him to the ground. “ **It’s okay, James. I won’t hurt you.** ”

Y/n sat next to him on the bed. His skin was glistening with sweat, the sheets were pushed away. Bucky was breathing short, hurried breaths, clearly in a panic. She pushed him back on the bed, then caressing his cheek.” It’s okay, dear.” she whispered. 

“Angel?” Bucky let out with a breath. His eyes were still closed, he moved his hand over hers, pushing to closer to feel her soft and warm touch. 

He must still be dreaming, she thought, she felt charmed by the nickname. That someone would see her as a figure of light. “Yes, James. You are the same. Go back to sleep.” she soothed, slightly leaning onto him to brush away a few strands of hair that were sticking to his sweaty forehead. 

  
_She remembered the gesture. “ **It’s going to be okay, dearest.** ” Adam has soothed her, brushing away some hair from her feverish, damp skin. It was the last thing she felt before…._

  
Bucky’s breaths became more even. He relaxed into her touch, when he was close to sleep she tried to get her hand out from under his. But it made him tense up, eyebrow scrunching up.” No, no don’t leave me here…” the huge man under her whimpered like a small child.

  
The metal arm moved around her waist, pulling her into his chest. He liked how he felt her warmth moving into it. 

“Okay, I’ll stay, let me just…” she wiggled a bit to get into a more comfortable position. Her head was resting against his biceps, her left hand next to it. Bucky pulled her a little closer, then he let out a deep breath, slipping back into his dreams. “My angel…..” he mumbled.

The next morning he woke up on his own. Nothing remained, he assumed it must have been another dream, if not for the faint smell of tulips on his sheets.

  
_______________________________________  
Y/n acted as if she knew nothing of this sleeping troubles, greeting him kindly whenever she saw him. But after a good week of no nightly interruptions, she felt the need to investigate.   
Tiptoeing across the long hallway she carefully opened the door leading to his bedroom. There he lay on his side, sleeping peacefully, she had worried for nothing. She sighed, closing the door. Just before the lock clicked into place

“Angel?” Bucky whispered, he looked at the nearly closed door. The room was dark except for the few rays of light that snuck under the door. Y/n paused, maybe he was dreaming or just talking in his sleep. But she took the chance and slowly opened the door again.

Buck sat up, he wasn’t sleeping, there was someone at the door. Y/n peeked inside.

  
“ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said slowly.

  
“No, it’s fine, I wasn't asleep.” Bucky moved a hand through his face. The thin sheets fell to his hips. He preferred to keep it simple and not use the air conditioning against the summer heat. So he slept in shorts with a bedsheet instead of a blanket. 

  
Y/n felt her cheek warming up, she would stop her eyes from wandering over his toned chest. One would expect it to be uncomfortable to lay on but she enjoyed it more than she liked to admit.   
“oh, well I was just making sure you are okay, so….” Y/n said shyly, she didn’t know whether to leave or try to explain herself.

  
“Why would you….” Bucky stared at her puzzled. 

Angel.

“ You helped me out the last few times.” He said it like a statement. 

“Eh, yeah, I…” she cleared her throat. “I woke up from the noise and tried to help you.” She looked to her bare feet.   
They both felt embarrassed, a thick silence filled the room.

“You are fine so I should-”

“No, stay.” Bucky couldn’t stop himself. She looked at him, confused at his outburst.

“I-I mean you can stay… If you want- would like to…” he stuttered, gripping the sheets. 

Y/n wasn’t sure whether she should take on the offer. She did enjoy sleeping next to him. She was used to having someone close to her at night, sleeping on her own was a relatively new thing. 

  
“Okay….” she accepted, slowly walking towards the queen size bed.   
Bucky moved over to give her some space. Y/n sat down on the bed, slowly moving the sheet away to lay on the mattress. There was only one. 

  
“The sheet, do you…” She asked Bucky carefully. 

“You can have it. I’ll be fine. It’s too hot anyway.” Bucky lay on his back, muscles tensed. He regretted asking her, this would make things so awkward between them. 

Y/n took the sheet, moving on her side and pulling it up to her neck.   
“Good night then.” she mumbled before drifting off. James couldn't help but watch her for a bit before falling asleep.  
_______________________________________________

They didn’t talk about it afterward. Bucky avoided the topic and acted as if nothing happened and that worked until he woke up one night, someone had whispered his name.

Y/n was standing in his door frame. She was clutching a pillow and a big blanket. Her cheeks glistened in the faint light, she must have been crying.

Bucky sat up, rubbing his eyes   
“Hey, what is wrong, Doll?” he asked her, his voice thick from sleep. 

“I.. um.” she held the pillow a little closer “ I had a dream and... “ her lip quivered.   
She looked like a small child, illuminated from the light in the hall, scared of the monsters under her bed (or perhaps in her head). 

“C'm here.” Bucky moved over and patted the spot next to him. The least he could offer her was a little comfort like she had given him before.   
She walked over, suddenly feeling stupid for bringing along her blanket and pillow. 

  
“ Go ahead, make yourself feel at home.” Bucky encouraged her.   
Y/n nodded, placing her things on the bed, laying down, letting out the breath she held.

“Do you wanna…..you want to talk about it?” Bucky asked her. He lay on his side facing her. 

  
She shook her head and lay down facing him. She was cured in on herself, she looked so vulnerable. Bucky put his arm around her, pulling her close like he would have held Rebecca whenever she came to him for comfort. He felt the need to protect her, just that she didn’t feel like his little sister. She felt different….He cared for her….

Y/n sniffled, burying her face in his shoulder. “Thank you….” she whispered against him. It made him pull her closer, planting a small kiss on her forehead. 

  
“Don’t mention it, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for 1000 views and over Kudos :o  
> It's so strange to have this many people enjoy my silly writing. 
> 
> Please consider commenting!  
> THANK YOU


	10. and

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To you alone acoustic by Tom Rosenthal https://open.spotify.com/track/0uOVJbpmxIMxu35KrZouwj?si=qqwQS45uTS-m5EmIS57tKA
> 
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=V-fQUE8cRDyPC3Ssjmb8Bw

Their little sleeping arrangement continued, one would wake the other or sneak into their bedroom. They soothed each other, helped the other with their trouble. Bucky got used to her warm body sleeping next to his and he enjoyed it. Most nights one would disappear before the other would wake up.  
This morning Bucky didn’t wake up alone and neither in his bed. He felt the sunlight warming his back, someone pulled on his right arm. Y/n lay next to him, his arm resting on her hip, the soft pillow cushioning her head that rested on the metal limb.   
She stirred slightly but quickly calmed when he gently moved his hand over her waist, skimming along the curve. She smiled, her head leaning back against his chin. 

  
It felt so intimate, domestic, yet he got used to it. Both claimed it was simply to make sure they got enough sleep.   
Y/n cuddle further into her pillow, a few hairs got stuck in Bucky’s beard and he let go of her waist to remove them.   
The lack of pressure on her side made y/n wake up, she stirred, then turned around on her back to face the man behind her. 

“Hey” she smiles at him, still lying on his left arm, making him hover over her. 

“Hey” he replied, it never crossed his mind to think of morning conversations.   
The awkward silence made her chuckle, she turned again and without thinking, she hid her face against his shoulder. Her warm breath tickled against his neck making the hairs on his neck stand up. It felt so natural to be this close to her, he craved the warmth she offered him. 

  
He took a deep breath, inhaling her sweet scent, she always smelled like a field of flowers but the floral scent of tulip was the most recognizable. She hummed contently then mumbled into his shoulder. “ I like this.” y/n’s voice was muffled, she turned her head towards him “I don’t wanna get up.” 

Bucky was unsure how to react. He stayed up, not moving only returning her smile shyly. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so casually close to anyone, much less a girl. The last woman he got close to must have been Mabel….. He couldn’t even remember her last name. Pre-war Buck wasn’t the type to simply cuddle up to, not without some action beforehand. What a naive prick he must have been.

He returned back to reality when y/n started shifting around. She let out a small exhausted huff, trying to free his arm from under her without sitting up. “ Geez, how heavy is this.” she wasn’t fully awake yet, still a bit hazy and slow in her movements. 

  
“What do you wanna do?” He chuckled at her frowning, she groaned in annoyance.  
“I wanna….” she started, Bucky moved onto his back, his arm quickly pulled from under her.

  
“Yes, exactly.” Y/n snuggled up onto his chest, head on his pectoral, her leg right swung over onto his, she ended up laying half on top of him.   
Bucky simply hoped nobody would come in to see them together like this. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed it. How her weight settled around his side, Soft curves pushed up against hard muscle. This felt past innocent bedsharing and maybe he actually preferred it this way.

Out of instinct Buck placed his left hand on her knee, it peaked out from under the covers that the had wrapped around herself. His thumb gently caressed the soft warm skin over her joint, cold metal slowly warming up. She pulled herself closer to him, her hand now gently skimming along the scar where metal and muscle met. He put his arm around her waist, holding her close and just enjoying the moment.

  
They stayed like this for quite some time, her movements got slower till they stopped completely. Her breath became slower and Bucky assumed that she must have fallen back asleep.  
He closed his eyes, enjoying the relaxing moment. He hadn’t felt this at ease in a long time. No thoughts circled in his mind, no flashbacks. Just the bliss of laying in the warm sun with the girl he liked. Did he like her? 

  
Sure she was kind, funny and understood him like no other. They shared experiences, music, she was great at explaining the things that he didn’t quite understand. Sure, the others did too but with her, he knew that she actually understood his problems. The struggles of being different, having this dark force inside that keep trying to push to the surface. The judgment and caution that others treated her with. 

He did like her.

Out of this realization, he dared to look at her. The way her back lifted oh so slightly when she breathed, the way her hair fell over her forehead. He gently brushed it aside and without thinking, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. His lips stayed there for a moment, resting on her skin. It made her stir, then look up at him with a loving gaze. Her lips pulled into a gentle smile, silently thanking him for the small gesture. 

“Gotta be honest, I never slept so well.” He whispered, his hand wandered to her hip, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

Her smile broadened, her fingertips gently sliding over the scar on his shoulder. “I’m glad,” she said, lying back down but then started pulling on the semes of her blanket. Bucky noticed the change in her behavior.  
“What’s wrong? Are you uncomfortable? Too much?” he thought she enjoyed this…

“No, no. It’s not that.” she sighed” I won’t be here next week.”

  
It made him frown. Was this something Steve came up with? That punk treated her unfair the last time if he were to throw her out for good….

“My sister-in-law invited me over. Adam is playing a concert and she thought it would be a good moment for us to talk things through….” She said, too shy to look at him. 

“Adam? As in your brother?” he asked, rubbing her back in order to give her some comfort. That was probably the reason she asked him to come over the night before. He heard her on the phone on the prior evening. 

  
“Yeah, we argued, didn’t talk after that….” Y/n moved to sit up. “ He didn’t agree with me coming here...Thought is a bad idea to get the exposure.” She sat on the edge of the bed, playing with the cream-colored bed sheets. 

  
“r’ you sure you want to go? I could come with you if you don’t want to be alone.” he offered. Maybe it would do him good to leave the compound for a few days. He did enjoy New York but he sometimes longed to see something else than the buzzing city.

“Oh no!” She quickly reacted. He felt hurt by her rejection, maybe it was too forward. Officially there were just colleagues, friends…. friends don’t join you for family meetings. 

“I mean…. Adam doesn't like humans. He is the dark brooding type.” she chuckled to herself. Bucky leaned back, her words had taken him by surprise, he had never been referred to as a human. Of course, he was a human but it was never pointed out to him. Never in a way to separate him from something else, something nonhuman.

“Okay, then when will you be back?” He sat up as well, grabbing the bark cotton shirt that rested in the box under the couch next to him. At one point she started to set up his ‘BBox’ she loved the stupid joke, wrote the name on some tape, and put in on the grey Box. He visited her and sometimes left stuff, some things he actually forgot, some not so much.

  
“I don’t know yet. It’s gonna be a long drive to Detroit... Maybe a week?”   
____  
She left the following Monday in the early morning hours. Bucky didn’t get a chance to see her before that and it made him feel strange. He got along well with the others and had enough to do but her absence left him feeling empty. She was always around, filling the vast building with a comforting warmth. With her gone, everything seemed duller. Steve and Bucky didn’t really talk much after their fallout. It had been slow days after their mission, with little events taking place. Sam kept checking in on Bucky to see how his friend was doing. He noticed to tense feelings between the two super soldiers and looked out for Bucky. Steve wasn't feeling well either. Their conflict had dampened the captain’s mood and got into the way with their party preparations.

  
Steve was to have a big Birthday/ 4th of July party at the Lake House. It wasn’t his idea. Tony thought it would be a good moment to have the team grow together over alcohol and BBQ. It was to be semi-official so no celebrity guest, just friends and family.   
They had been working on it for some time, Bucky only caught a few things about it. He wasn’t all too interested in to anyway. Alcohol didn’t do anything for him and with y/n gone, Sam bringing his Sister and the silence between him and Steve there wasn’t much for him to do there.   
After another day filled with training, meaningless small talk with the other Avengers, and awkward conversation with Steve, Bucky had settled down on the terrace, beer bottle in hand. The last rays of sunlight graced the metal platform above the roofs of new york. Bucky enjoyed the warmth on his skin, the humid air slowly changing to become a light night breeze.

  
_He had often sat outside with a bottle after a long shift at the garage. His light blue jumpsuit darkened from the motor oil, stains on his hands, the smell of the cold catalysts. Mike and Jo would join him from time to time, relaxing in the summer sun before closing the shop and going back to their sad, small worker apartments. The job kept him busy and helped him to support his Ma and Steve after Sarah had died. It gave him a chance to ignore the ongoing crisis in Europe at least for a while…_

Bucky took a swig of his drink, he saw the tall shadow approaching him, sighing, of course, this awkward conversation had to be held…  
“Hey Jerk, can I sit?” Steve stood behind the bench that Bucky was sat on. He felt bad for the feeling he had caused his friend. Since Y/n wasn’t there this would be a good moment to clear things up.  
“Sure,” Bucky answered but didn’t look at Steve. He kept his gaze on the city. He didn’t react when the blond sat down next to him with his beer in hand.   
“So” Steve copied Bucky, also looking straight ahead.” How are you?”   
Bucky huffed “ Really Steve?” He looked over at his friend, jaw clenched. How did he feel? He was angry, upset, empty…. They bickered a lot and disagreed from time to time but now there were different feelings. Steve didn’t attack him but someone else, someone close to Bucky. He did care about her, more that he would like to admit.

Steve sighed, looking up into the sky “Look, Buck, I know that you don’t agree with my decision but you have to admit, her behavior-”   
“What Steve?” Bucky fixed his gaze on Steve “ What is your problem with her ?!”

Steve kept silent, looking to his feet.

“She is nice and kind and and…. she does what you tell her to do yet you fucking bench her”  
Bucky let his anger out, he kept it on for too long, ignoring the feeling inside his chest.   
“She never did anything wrong and yet just can’t wait to scold at her. What is going on with you?!” Bucky half yelled at him. All the aggression, pent up feelings. He knew that y/n didn’t leave because of Steve, or if she did, she kept quiet.

Steve took a deep breath, both men were silent, waiting for the other to talk. Steve leaned back, studying Bucky’s tense stature. He was leaned forward, shoulders hunched, fingers peeling on the foil etiquette. 

Steve broke the silence  
“You like her, don’t you?” he asked but Bucky kept silent, gaze still fixed on the skyline “ Haven’t seen you so worked up over a girl since Mabel Hudd from middle school.” Bucky didn’t respond and they fell back into silence. 

“Could be?” Bucky said.

“But that doesn’t explain why you had to be such an asshole.” He finally looked over to Steve, trying to read the Captain.

“ I didn’t mean to be unfair…. “ Steve took a sip of his drink. “ No one told you about how she ended up on the team. “ Bucky nodded, turning to Steve.

  
“We found her last November on a HYDRA base in Canada.” Steve paused. “ She was looked in a cell completely dried out. Everyone thought she was dead, looked like a mummy.”  
He shook his head in disgust.  
“ We would have left it at that but Tony detected a heartbeat signature, Nat was the brave one to open the cell and take a look.” Steve stopped, he looked ahead, taking a drink then continuing.  
“Y/n nearly ripped her apart. She must have smelled of sensed Nat’s warmth and went nuts.” 

Bucky studied Steve intensely.” Then what?” 

  
“ I had to shoot her. It took five bullets to make her stop. Thought she was dead but Tony wanted to take the body regardless. Back in the tower Bruce examined her and took a sample of her blood, sad it was like nothing he had ever seen before.”

  
“Like what?” Bucky asked.

“I didn’t understand all of it but it’s like a virus that replaced all her red blood cells. It heals, keeps her alive, and gives her the powers but she can’t produce the cells on her own.” 

“ So she has to take it from a different source….” Bucky concluded. 

“Yes. Bruce got her in good condition but then Fury stepped in. He wanted to study her, keep her as an experiment.”

“Right…”

“I couldn’t accept that.” Steve sighed, confusing his friend even more. Why would he have been against it? He clearly seemed to hate her, want her off the team. 

“She was so scared when she woke up, reminded me of myself…. The way you reacted when you recognized me after D.C.” 

“Steve, stop taking in riddles.” 

“Sorry, Pal.” he huffed. “I made a deal with Fury. She can be on the team and work for us but only when y/n was willing to run tests and work without pay. I take full responsibility for her actions.”

“So that’s why you act so over the top.” Bucky nodded, now the pieces were coming together. If y/n were to screw up, Steve would have to take the consequences. Tony had somehow mended the whole U.N Contract situation and had gotten the other back into business but there were surely a lot of people that were waiting for Steve to make a mistake and then destroy him.

“ So that is why you are acting so over the top. Does she know?” Bucky turned to the blonde.

“Not all of it. She signed a contract stating that she gets ‘Nutrition’ from a safe source and protection in exchange for her work.” 

“Well, I think you still overreacted. Steve, you should apologize, even when you don’t want to put her back into action, but she took it pretty bad.”

Steve nodded, placing a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“I know,” he said, then started grinning at his friend. “ So you do like her, huh?” 

“Geez Steve, stop.” Bucky chuckled trying to cover up the embarrassment. “ Even if I did she isn’t here. Y/n said she would be gone for a week but it’s been more than 11 days already…” Bucky felt the heat creeping up in his cheeks.

Why would he count the days she had been in Detroit. It wasn’t like they were something official. He did like her, enjoy her company more than others, the way she smiled at him, the warmth he felt when she was close, the tingling when she touched him….   
Maybe he did 'like' like her…..

“Well, good thing that she will be here for the party.” Steve grinned, elbowing Bucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments and kudos, they really help to keep this up.  
> :) And yes, I did take Adam from Only lovers left alive. I think he is a great character and doesn't get enough attention. I recoment to watch the movie, also cause of the amazing soundtrack, but you don't need to know it to understand the next few chapters. I was mostly too lazy to create another original character.


	11. if

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song: Gimme some- Nina Simone https://open.spotify.com/track/29R1sVUoQnAMyZITR5Q7X1?si=N-KIOVBSTLSYm0UXVShhVw  
> The Safety Dance- Sleeping at last https://open.spotify.com/track/5CjOsESIfgyByBGKL7MCWU?si=KR4xMdvhTNetW7D2ze7q7A
> 
> Dress inspiration: https://www.etsy.com/de/listing/245156565/1910-edwardian-weisser-tag-kleid-o?show_sold_out_detail=1&ref=anchored_listing
> 
> Please enjoy :)

It was a warm evening, the orange sunlight reflecting on the surface of the lake. A light breeze made the tall grass sway, frogs creating a chorus, a picture-perfect day for a BBQ. There were a few picnic tables set up on the grass between the small house and the lake. A few lanterns placed around the tables for when the night would begin, soft music filling the air along with chatter and laughter.   
Bucky had cleaned up nicely for the occasion. He had decided that it was time to start something new, try out different things. So he had gone to one of the new fancy barbershops in New York, a new haircut and trim of his beard. It was definitely new, nothing like the hairstyles he was used to, but he liked it. The sides short with a puff of hair on top, brown hair curling slightly. He didn't have to bind it into a bun any more, it wouldn’t bother him during a fight. But it was still long enough to brush a hand through it.   
The barber took his time with the beard, it was cleaned up, sharp edges _“Such a handsome jawline can’t be hidden under a rough beard.”_ he said, making sure Bucky’s jawline was complimented,” _looking sharp enough to cut yourself on it._ ”

Bucky recognized most of the party guests, only a few faces he wasn't familiar with. They were all busy drinking, eating, laughing. It was a joyful celebration of both his best friend and their country. Bucky had already congratulated his friend in the morning during breakfast. They had traveled to the lake together. 

“Looking sharp, soldier,” Nat said, making her way to where he stood.

She had a drink in hand, smiling at him. He looked at her briefly, smiling before his gaze was on the crowd again. Natasha grinned, amused at how he was so focused on finding her.  
“She arrived about 20 min ago. Straight from Detroit.” she moved to stand next to him, both now watching Y/n.

She was sitting on a barstool, at the wooden bar where a young man mixed drinks. She was laughing at something the dark-skinned woman, with short curls,in a blue dress, in front of her had said. The light cotton of Y/n's dress reached up to her ankles, feet covered in open sandals. The fabric of her dress was yellowish, it probably used to be white at some point in time. 

  
Bucky noticed himself smile at her. He always did when she was close. It filled him with warmth, a tingling that he wanted to feel all the time. It was different from what he had felt with other girls. It was purer, an instinct to be close, keep her by his side, like an addiction he felt exhausted whenever she was away. He had gotten used to the empty feeling over the last few weeks, it seemed normal but only then, when he saw her again he knew that it was the feeling, the lack of her.

Natasha sipped on her drink. “You should tell her.” she kept her look on her even when Bucky turned towards her quickly.

  
“Tell her what?” He asked hurried. She chuckled into her glass. It was adorable how oblivious he was. Still arguing with himself, not acknowledging his feelings.

“Tell her you like her. Before someone else does.” She looked up at him. “I know it’s tough when you are used to pushing emotions away but I guarantee you, it will be worth it for the both of you.” She told him.

Before he could answer she waved over to y/n, calling her name. 

Y/n look over at them, first seeing Nat but in a split second, she saw Bucky. Her smile broadened and she was about to get up.

But Natasha was faster. She pushed Bucky forward “ Go get her Soldat.” and walked off, a mischievous grin on her lips.

Bucky took a deep breath, he felt like a teenager once again, then he made his way over to the bar. Soft lo-fi music was playing in the background, mixing with the waves breaking on the shore. He tried to match his breathing with the beat to calm his beating heart. 

Y/n pulled him into a hug. “hey” she whispered softly, sneaking her arms around his neck, holding him close.

Bucky moved his arms around her waist, inhaling her scent, tulips, and that slight musk of old books. It was peculiar, comforting him. Both stayed like this for a moment, not wanting to let the other go.

Y/n let go first but her hands stayed on his shoulders, gently moving along his neck where his long hair would have been.  
“You cut it.” She remarked, moving her fingers to touch the short hair along the sides of his ears. He closed his eyes for just a second, loving the feeling of her soft fingers on his skin.

“It’s new,” She said, then moving her hands away to rest in her lap. “ I like it.” She smiled gently, looking at his beard and the small grin on his lips. 

“Thanks,” he said, then he just stood there. Awkward silence between them after such an intimate moment. Y/n laughed nervously, taking a sip of her drink. Bucky finally started moving again, freeing himself from his frozen state. ~~The way her soft lips wrapped around the straw….~~

He sat down on the barstool next to her, giving the waiter his order. Most of the drinks on the menu were unknown to him so he chose a gin tonic. 

“So… you are back from your visit?” He asked her while he waited for his drink.

She nodded at him, using the straw to push the lime in her drink.  
“Yeah, just arrived here. It was nice.” She smiled “But I completely forgot to bring a party dress. This was the best thing I had lying around at Adam’s House…” She pulled on the fabric, playing with the lace along the stitches. 

“It’s nice.” He commented. She laughed, leaning closer to him.  
“It’s an old day dress that I changed up a bit.” She laughed, happy with her achievement.   
“How old?” He grinned.

  
She leaned back, taking another sip of her drink. “Older than you”   
They both enjoyed their little game. They still played it, but haven’t found out anything new about the other. 

“I have to thank you. Steve called me.” 

  
“What did he say?” He pretended to not know what she was referring to.

“I’m back on the team. New mission next week.” She stretched, looking over at the DJ that changed to music to something easier to dance to. He made an announcement, something about Steve and his birthday before putting on a lively tune by Nina Simone.  
Y/n gasped, grinning at Bucky with childlike enthusiasm.

  
“I used to dance lindy hip to this song!” She put her hand on his.

“You know how to swing dance?” He wasn’t sure if he remembered the basic steps.

“Of course I do! Didn’t we live in the same New York?! C’mon!” She tried to pull him off of his seat.

  
“Doll, I haven’t danced in 50 years. I Don’t know…” 

“James, please, trust you’re muscle memory. “ She pulled his arm. “For me.” 

His heart skipped a beat. 

He got up from the bar and moved over to the free space close to the music. He took her hands and started to follow her steps as she eased him back into the basic moves. He quickly picked up the pace, gently nodding his head to the fast beat. 

“See you can do it “ She encouraged him. Y/n started to move away from him so he could hold her at arm's length. Out of instinct he took control and pulling her closer to start spinning. She cheered, throwing her head back when he get-go of one hand to spin her under his arm. It felt natural, he just knew how to move, and she knew what he was going to do next. 

Steve smiled, watching the two move. The grass was not the best to dance on but they moved with grace, quick steps, laughing along. Bucky looked like he was back in his element.   
She brought out the best in him, he had to give her that.

  
They were both out of breath when the song ended. There were bits of dirt stuck to the and of her dress but she didn’t seem bothered by it. When the last few chords played Y/n let herself fall into his arms laughing. He pulled her close, then releasing her to sit down on a bench next to them. They stayed silent while catching their breath. A few people came over to congratulate them, it must have been quite the performance. 

After a rest, she got up to get some food. “Thank you, James, that was fun.” she bit her lip, moving to the BBQ. 

They split up for a bit, talking to others, drinking, eating…. It was starting to get dark and most guests were saying their goodbyes to go home. Only a few remained.

________________________________________________________________

Bucky was just finishing a conversation when he felt a set of arms sneaking around his waist from the back. Y/n pushed her face against his back, mumbling something. 

Bucky touched her hands, pulling her to his side.” What was that, princess?” She leaned against him, eyes closed.

“ I’m tired and wanna go home.” She slurred, slightly drunk.

Sam grinned “I’ll leave you two” he walked away to the bar.

Bucky looked back down at the woman leaning on him. She was breathing softly, her face was pushed against his side.   
“You are exhausted, hmm? Did you drink a little too much?” he asked, moving the hair out of her face. Maybe her condition didn’t influence her alcohol resistance. He saw her get a few refills, too many judging by her condition.

  
She nodded against his chest. She swayed a little, shifting her balance from one foot to the other. He didn’t want to risk her falling over, Bucky took her hand, pulling her over to bench sitting her down next to him.   
He noticed her fingers were too cold for the warm weather, he checked her forehead for her temperature.

She told him one night about the symptoms of her ‘denutrition’ as she called it “ _The lack of the red_ ” She joked.   
It would start with body heat regulation, then her healing would slow down. Unconsciousness would follow if not treated and in the worst case she would dry out after about 2 weeks without blood. In exchange for that information, he told her about the cryo chamber. What it felt like to be frozen alive. It turned it to be not so different what she described him.

“Did you eat?” He asked gently, moving her face away from his chest to look at her. 

“Yes, a steak, some salad and a burger” she giggled, leaning against his hand. 

“No, I mean..... blood.” He said a little more seriously. She also told him about how she would get more aggressive and violent without getting fed. Matching that information to what Steve hat told him about the attack on Tasha, she was really lucky to still be in one piece. He did expect her to be a serious threat at the party but she should still keep her hunger on a regular level.

“ I fed last night before leaving Detroit….” She had to think about it, looking down to study her fingers. She pulled her hand into the sleeve of her dress in an attempt to warm them up.

“Do you have something with you?” He asked, mildly concerned. 

“James, I’m fine. I’ve got some in the car, I’ll take it later.” She leaned moved his hand away so that she could lean on his torso again.   
“I’m just tired. “ She mumbled.

“And I missed you” she confessed softly. 

Bucky pulled her closer, resting a hand on the back of her head. He moved his head to gently kiss her forehead. “I missed you too, doll.” He rested his head on top of hers. Placing his lips against her hairline.

She hummed happily, cuddling further into him.  
“ It’s good to be home. Here, with you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments. This is the last stop before Angst central >:)


	12. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unlike German trains this angst train arrives extra early.  
> Better sit down.  
> Lovely things suite: roses by Watsky https://open.spotify.com/track/4YPqBhmW8qXiJivMzxdM02?si=2OjlC3HxSWGHntsG8C0XIA  
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=gI7DUEkeQzOeHkDu0v_ZFw

There was nothing left but a heavy metal door separated them from their target. After getting Y/n back on missions, Steve was kind and clever enough to set them up as a team to work together and assist in destroying HYDRA’s newly equipped weapon. Out of the files they had taken on the last assignment, the organization had been creating new blasters and cannons that looked like regular firearms but were also able to shoot blasts of energy that closely resembled the beams that the Chitauri had used on their attack back in 2012. 

  
Team Red, as the team had named the vampire and ex- winter soldier, had the job of getting into the west wing of the Canadian base and install remote-controlled explosives onto the finished weaponry. Y/n had been very excited to be back in action and promised Steve over and over that she will keep herself in check, do as he says and come back with both her and Bucky unarmed and successful. It was cute, how she constantly tried to make everyone happy yet it saddened Bucky. What low self-esteem must one have to never feel happy with their achievements, longing for acceptance from others? What must she have experienced?

Y/n was fumbling around with the door mechanism but he made hers stop, explaining that most safety doors were sealed with an eight-digit code. And to Bucky’s surprise and Y/n enjoyment none of these HYDRA fools had the thought of changing the codes in over 20 years. Bucky was right on the second try and the metal hinge lifted, allowing them to push the door away. He handed the woman a bag filled with multiple magnetic packages of explosives.

It all went well and they were close to wrapping up a good few minutes before what they had estimated. The servers were hacked, information gathered and deleted, attackers killed, and Y/n had just adjusted the last pack of explosives to the greyish metal casing of the canon.

  
“All done!” She exclaimed, making her way over the door where Bucky had stayed to watch the corridor, in case someone had noticed and tried to sneak upon them. 

Bucky smiled and nodded at her when she appeared next to him. He tapped the communication device in his ear and spoke to the others that had finished their assignments and returned to the jet. 

“Team Red is done. Meet at the vessel.” Y/n handed the bag to him, making sure to touch it for a second longer than normal.

  
“Thank you, again, for talking to Steve.” Her thumb caressed his “ I like his job.” She looked up at him, a glimmer in her eyes “ Especially with you.”   
Bucky felt his cheeks heat up, he cleared his throat and glanced at her grinning. 

  
“Sure thing, doll” Bucky answered.

Ever since the BBQ things were different between them. The shy carefulness was gone and Bucky was faced with her shameless flirting. Yet he never had the guts to return it, too puzzled by the fact he wasn’t imagining her interest in him. He wanted to answer her accordingly but he was too scared that he would say the wrong thing, offend her or be too painfully awkward with modern-day courting. She seemed to ignore or accept his lack of charming words, pushing on and accepting what reaction she could get out of him. He would open up sooner or later.

“Should we close this again? To make it look like we didn’t touch anything?” She asked, lingering by the metal gate. Her fingers ghosted over the rusty bar waiting for his instructions. They both quietly settled into this hierarchy. Bucky had no idea what she was up to before HYDRA had captured her. But she was aware of his experience in the army and the inner workings of said villains.

“Yeah, you are right. Just pull it close. It will lock itself when the hinge is back in the lock.” He called out. His back was facing her. Bucky had already advanced a bit and was spying into the next bigger corridor to make sure they could leave unnoticed. He heard accepting his words with a hum. The metal scraped against the dirty floor, there was a small click as the lock closed.

Then he felt immense heat at the back of his neck, a blast pushing his forward, then a blast, nothing but Black.

  
He first felt a ringing in his ears, a shrill sound. Then the dull throbbing of pain. He let out a groan, turning his head against the hard, cold floor. There was something soft against his forehead, he turned on his side, carefully touching the spot.   
It was blood. He seemed to be bleeding, a cut on his forehead. Bucky opened his eyes but could hardly make out anything. Thick dust was moving in the air, darkening everything around him, the lights had also gone out, leaving the hall in an eery orange hue created by the exit signs. He coughed, sitting up and tried to remember how and when he had ended up on the floor in this hellish mess. 

The explosion.

Those bastards must have booty trapped the door so that when it was closed a bomb had gone off. 

Y/n…  
Bucky became frantic, scrambling to his feet and running over to where the metal door must have been. But there was only a few left of the gate, bits, and pieces of steel flown across, covered in concrete. The colour drained from his face. She must have been right next to the bomb, the blast had most likely also set off their explosives…. Beat with their own weapons

“Doll?” Bucky couldn’t trust his voice, it broke when he called out her name.   
No answer. 

“Y/n!” He yelled louder, started grabbing the debris throwing them away in a frantic attempt to find his girl, hopefully alive. 

“DOLL! Fuck!” His hands started bleeding from the cuts he collected grabbing the rubble. He felt tears running down his cheeks, snot running out of his nostrils, but he couldn’t care less. He wiped it away, crying and shuffling through the rubble to find her. She couldn’t be dead, it wasn’t possible, he repeated like a mantra. Bucky was about to give up when he heard a faint whisper from within the stones before him.

  
He cried out, an ugly cry then calling her name he became slower till he felt soft fingers against his calloused palm. The fingers flexed feeling for his and he grabbed them, assuming her that he was there, he would free her from this concrete tomb.  
He proceeded carefully and set more of her body free. The dust had somewhat settled making it possible to see her ashen face in the dim light.   
Y/n whimpered his name, with a shaky hand she pointed down to her hip. His gaze followed and landed on a big piece of metal that was lodged in her hip. It was sharp and cut deep, making her lose blood quickly. 

  
Bucky moved all debris of her so that only the plate in her hip remained. Surprisingly, nothing else had cut or stabbed her.  
“James” She breathed, closing her eyes in pain. A tear trailed down her cheek and he did want anything more than to brush it away and tell her it will all be fine. She took his hand with shaking fingers, pulling his hand towards her trembling lips.

“Pull it out” She kissed his knuckles, resting them against her soft lips.”Please” nothing but a faint whisper.

“I can’t! You-... You’ll bleed out in seconds…” Bucky pleaded. Why did they have to take everything good away from him? Just when it was in reach, just when he got the courage to take his chance.

“No.” She coughed again, laughing at how strange it was to feel such pain yet such joy in her heart for he was there.  
“I packed some spare.” She slowly nodded to the abandoned bag that lay where he had woken up. Of course, she had taken some spare blood bag to a risky mission. His clever girl.

  
Bucky nodded quickly, getting up to get the back. He laughed out of sheer happiness for the bag had survived the blast and didn’t burst.   
He settled back at her side and but the plastic container next to her. She took a deep breath and nodded, asking him silently to pull out the shrapnel. 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Bucky whispered, then swiftly removing the metal from her flesh. It wasn’t as easy as he thought, it didn’t pull out right away as if lodged into something hard. The blast had pushed the scrap all the way into her hip and cutting through bone. It came out with a wet squishing sound, covered in dark, thick blood. The black ominous substance dripped into the stones before Bucky threw the metal aside. Y/n let out a painted scream, crying out when it was removed and panting.

“Don’t let it get into your wounds.” She told him in a serious tone before closing her eyes to take a deep breath. Bucky stared at the cut. Any other person would have died in an instance but she seemed weak but okay.   
He was pulled back to reality when Y/n tried to turn, in order to grab the blood bag that rested next to her. She let out a painted huff, annoyed that she couldn’t reach it. 

Bucky quickly handed it to her, holding Y/n upright against his arm so that she could drink without the danger of choking. She grunted in pain but quickly settled her weight against him and drank quickly.   
He watched in amazement at how the deep would closed up further and further with each gulp the took. The moment was interrupted by the static on his communicator. It got louder, then changed to muffled calls.   
It was Steve, trying to contact them. They saw the explosion outside, part of the roof collapsing right where team red was and feared for the worst. 

  
Bucky pulled at the loose cable and looked at the dented apparatus. It was nearly completely broken. Y/n then pulled at hers, handing it over to Bucky before concentrating back on her substance. 

“-Uck? -an you hear-?” A broken voice but the device seemed to still be in working order. He quickly adjusted it, changing it to the right channel.

“Here team red, there was an explosion but we are okay.” He looked down at the girl that leaned against his arm. She was still breathing heavily but the gash was nearly close up. 

“We will meet you in a few minutes.” He finished his broadcast. Y/n had her eyes closed, resting. Bucky brushed away some of the dust from her hair and face. Then he talked to her softly. “Are you okay to move?” She thought about it for a moment, then nodding she pushed herself up, sitting straight. Bucky helped her up, then pulling her to his chest, inhaling the faint sweet smell that still lingered on her even though the smell of blood and gunpowder. 

“You scared the hell out of me there…” He confessed softly, releasing her enough to kiss her forehead. They stayed in that position for a few heartbeats, finding comfort in the presence of each other.   
“We got to go.” Y/n said softly, moving away from him and taking a careful step to test the movement of her just fixed hip. It still hurt but she felt good enough to walk and leave this hell hole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself :)


	13. did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :) My favorite so far  
> Cor Meum- 8th floor wide https://open.spotify.com/track/2kOWXD4YeNn1bGZljZlX93?si=h3CQaaSuS7KtaxKjrIgTtg

Y/n was breathing heavy, leaning onto Bucky for support, her steps slow. The cut on her hip had somewhat healed, enough to keep going, but what little blood she drank wouldn’t heal it up completely. There were only a few meters left to cross, to get back to the jet and go home. She would have more than enough supplies to heal completely.   
Bucky made her pause for a bit, brushing strands of hair away that fell out of her ponytail. They were wet, crunchy from the dried blood both red and black.   
“Y/n, I could just carry you…” He had already offered it multiple times but she kept declining. There was too much of a chance of him getting into contact with her infected blood, the chance of him getting cursed in the same way that she was. Y/n quickly shook her head. 

  
“I can do it. We are nearly out.” She said, using what energy she had left to push on. Nearly there…

In the dim light, they saw an exit, double-doored, the last barrier between them and their friends. There were surprisingly plain, no code pads, scanners, or complicated mechanisms of any sort. But having learned from the last time Bucky underestimated HYDRA technology, he rested his wounded companion against a near wall. She leaned against it and he only turned away from her when Bucky was certain that she wouldn’t fall over. She gave a reassuring nod, Bucky moved over to the doors, checking it for any traps.   
His hand carefully, slowly wrapped around the door handle. He looked over his shoulder, once more making sure that Y/n was okay. He took a deep breath and pushed the handle down. 

Nothing happened.

Bucky let out a relieved sigh, pushing against the door. 

Nothing. Locked.   
Fuck

Now he was getting frustrated, rattling the door and yelling for the forsaken thing to open. 

But his curses stopped when a bullet pierced through the metal just inches from his face. 

“You didn’t actually think we would let two of our most precious toys go, did you, Soldat?” Bucky turned around slowly and was met with an unsettling scene. 

  
About 20 Hydra soldiers armed to the teeth, angry and most likely promised a fortune if they would do a good job. These people were not just ready to fight, willing to kill, but greedy and greed could bring out the worst in people. 

Y/n pushed herself up from the wall she had sat down at. With a grunt she focused on their opponents, a hand still at her wound, covering the cut, still bleeding. She was breathing heavily yet her teeth were bared, a low growl came from her throat, her eyes studying the soldiers every move. If Bucky was in their position he would be frightened, the Agents didn’t care much for it. They were carrying themselves with a sense of mocking pride.

2 against 20 but still the odds were on their side. Y/n used the element of surprise and attacked before HYDRA could see what was coming for them. A few frightened cries erupted from the crowd as they hastily tried to adjust their weapons. The stupid idiots didn’t expect an attack from the side, scrambling to get back into formation. In a matter of seconds, Y/n had taken down a good quarter of attackers, ripping them apart, scratching and clawing them to death, bodies falling to the floor in a constant rhythm. She was covered in blood, her dark eyes reflecting the dim light, a nightmarish creature any same person would fear. 

But it made Bucky smile, even for just a split second. He felt proud for her, that she was on her team, but also proud that he knew her well enough to know that in reality, she was the kindest person he had met in his lifetime. His angel, to them only the angel of death.

Bucky pulled out what weapons and ammunition he had left. A lot was lost in the explosion, strewn across the floor, destroyed or simply lost. Bucky quickly got rid of the group's leader. A clean shot in the forehead, no-hassle, there was no time for it. The team was waiting outside and they had to deal with an attack of their own. 

“Buck?! What is going on? Where are you?” Steve spoke over the com. He sounded strained like he was in quite some distress. “ I don’t know if you can hear me, but you have to go now!” Bucky was too busy to fight for their freedom to answer his friend and captain.  
Whatever would happen, Bucky would never let Y/n get captured again.

Only a few men were left but they kept going strong. Y/n was starting to get slower, fatigue setting in. The cut had started oozing again, her movements now sluggish, not as much force behind them. It confused Bucky, wasn’t she supposed to get stronger from the blood she had consumed?   
One hand covered the wound on her hip, the other was busy punching and clawing at her opponent's faces. Y/n staggered, she felt dizzy everything was slowing down around her, the world closing in.

Bucky wasn’t fast enough, he had to watch with wide eyes as his girl was shot in the back. 

twice.

He got rid of the attackers and had to watch as she fell to the ground, only black surrounding her, staining her hair and skin.  
_____________________

The smell of burning wood was the first thing she sensed, the cracking of water evaporating from the burning wood. She lay on a blanket, it was soft but cold and wet, soaked with her blood. Y/n let out a shaky breath, slowly opening her eyes and observing her surroundings. It must be a cabin, wooden decorations were on the walls, and roof, a small table next to the couch she was positioned on. She slowly turned her head towards the fire where a person was mending the fire. She couldn’t make out a clear shape, only dark hair, falling over the person's back and shoulders. 

“ Mama?” She asked, her voice weak. Tears were collecting in her eyes, leasing them as she blinked.

The person didn’t turn around yet, she called out again.  
“Mama? Is it you?” Y/n tried to reach out to her but it hurt to move. She let out a grunt and lay back down.   
Her cried made them turn around, with her vision still blurry y/n couldn’t tell who was standing before her, who gently brushed the hair out of her face.

“Mama” She blinked, trying to clear her vision, but the tears ran down her face.

“Am I finally dead?” She asked in a small voice, a faint smile on her lips. Maybe she had finally died, lifting this curse from her. Dying was one thing but losing the people you care about over and over again was a different, crueler pain. 

Whoever was kneeling by her side, holding her hand and caressing her face, they made her feel safe. Whether it was death embracing her or some human comfort, she liked it. And as selfish as it was, she wanted more of it, stay in this moment for a small eternity. But before that, she passed out again. 

_________________________________  
The next time she woke up she was cushioned on something else than the blanket. The surface under her was warm, it moved rhythmically, an arm was holding her close to it.   
She stirred, moving slightly to get more comfortable. The fire was small now, only a few cinders burning quietly. And the cabin was dark, only a few rays of light hit the wall next to her, maybe it was dawn but it might as well have been the middle of the night. 

“Y/n?” A deep voice, thick with sleep, asked her. Bucky shifted under her, sitting up slightly to get a better look at her. She still seemed a little dizzy, but at least she was still alive.

“James” She whispered, moving with him into a semi-seated position. Her back was resting against his chest as they lay on the couch. A grey blanket was thrown over them and she could feel how her blood had soaked through his clothes as well.

Bucky let out a huff “ Jesus, Doll, never scare me like that again.” He pressed a kiss against the back of her head, closing his eyes he laughed shakily. His metal hand carefully lifted the blankets and felt for her wounds. They had stopped bleeding but weren’t healed up yet.

“I thought I lost you… you were losing so much blood and the cut on your hip opened up again.” Bucky held her close, looking for comfort in holding her, he was scared that she might slip away.

“Those Soldiers poisoned their blood.” She explained, “ They had done it before so that I couldn’t attack them.” Y/n closed her eyes again.

“Hey, hey no! You stay with me” Bucky panicked, shaking her slightly and pulling her face up to look at her properly. She was incredibly pale, dark lines shone through the skin under her eyes, she was cold to the touch and in need of substance. 

Bucky held her close to his chest and pulled up the sleeve of his flesh arm, this would be better than nothing. But as soon as she saw what he was doing, Y/n tried to move away from him, as if the was terrified of his hand.

  
“No, James Stop! I won’t drink from you!” She tried to wriggle free from his grip but she was too weak and she quickly resigned, simply turning her face away.   
“Y/n, you need to feed and there are no rations here. This is the only way.” Bucky tried to persuade her. He had no idea when Steve and the other could come and pick them up. They had sent him the coordinates to the safe house when they had to leave. The HYDRA agents had also thought of the avengers back up and started shooting bombs at the jet, making the others forced to leave Bucky and Y/n to their own devices. 

Y/n had calmed a little but still refused him. She could and would never hurt him, she liked him too much to even consider using him as a supply. But he was right, she wouldn’t last much longer without blood, at least not in this sane state. If she waited longer she would lose even more control.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” She confessed quietly slowly turning her face towards his exposed wrist. She licked her lips, the temptation was strong.

“You won’t hurt me, I trust you,” Bucky said, moving her in a better position so that she couldn’t choke. His metal arm gently stroke the healthy side of her hip. Her gaze was fixed on his flesh wrist, her breath was labored, trying to control herself. Slowly Bucky moved his wrist closer to her lips. He kissed her hair again, giving her one more sign that it was okay.

Y/n kissed the soft skin, feeling the blood rush through the blue veins under her lips. “Thank you” she whispered barely audible before sinking her teeth into him.

It felt different that Bucky had ever imagined. A sharp pain, like getting cut on a sharp knife, followed by a gentle tug. It felt like she was kissing him, only much better. He let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes he let his head fall back. In his ecstasy, he felt her smaller hand wrap around his arm to pull it closer to her. She was very careful at first, sucking gently but now she was hooked, wanting more. Maybe it was the super serum that coursed through his veins but he tasted better than any human she could remember. 

Bucky was enjoying the sensation, getting roped up further and further. The warmth was pooling in his belly, a strong heat, till he could feel a tug against his jeans. He let out a small groan, biting his lip. Any other person would be terrified to have a vampire drink from their open vein, but he liked it, loved the sensation. 

But his euphoria was cut short when she stopped and let go of his wrist. She gently licked off the last drops of blood and kissed the two small punched holes. Bucky opened his eyes again, looking down at her. He was embarrassed by his reaction, hopefully, she wouldn’t feel his erection against her bottom. Y/n let his arm fall against her belly, linking her fingers with his, closing her eyes again. She breathed deeply, calming herself from the excitement of a good meal.   
They stayed silent for a while, each coming down from their high. Then Y/n turned around to lay her head on his chest. He let her move freely for her wound was all fixed up now. When she stopped her front was pressed against his, small hands caressing his shoulder and jaw.   
Y/n face was close to his, her hand was scratching his beard jaw slowly and gently. Her tongue darts out to lick away the tiniest speck of red that remained on the side of her mouth.

Bucky could only watch and home to control himself, he was heads over heels when she leaned closer, holding his face with both hands. Her hot breath tickled against his face, their noses were touching when Bucky oh so slowly turned his face to the side. He closed his eyes in anticipation.

“Hey, can you hear us?!” Sam’s voice came over the walkie talkie that lay on the table next to the sofa.   
Y/n moved away, startled by the sudden noise, she grabbed the device and handed it Bucky then moved into a sitting position at the end of the couch.

He let out an annoyed grunt and pushed the button to talk. “ Yes, I can hear you.” He said and also sat up, rubbing a hand over his face to get rid of the last bit of arousal. Of fucking course, Sam had to interrupt them, stupid cock block.

“ We are just outside the woods, so c’mon let's get you back home,” Sam told them over the com.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yum :P Thank you for reading, please leave a kudo or comment they mean the world to me.


	14. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some might have noticed that I deleted the last version of chapter 14. I was unhappy with it and didn't know how to continue with it. I hope you enjoy this version.

Only a few minutes after the two left the woods surrounding the wooden cabin, Sam Steve and Bruce arrived with the jet to pick them up. Bucky was hesitant to let Y/n go, he knew that Bruce was the most capable of taking care of her but Bucky felt the need to protect her. He was afraid that she might pass out again or that her cuts would open up again. But his worries were quickly put to rest when Bruce injected Y/n via IV to a blood bag. Through the whole journey back Bucky kept his eyes on her, watching her and observing her well being but also making sure that she was actually with him and not just a hallucination. He couldn't grasp how close they had been to kissing, so close to finally feeling her the way he had been craving for such a long time. Her small hands on his chin and neck, her hot breath against his lips…. It Sam hadn’t interrupted he would have to know what she felt like, perhaps even what she tasted like…..

They landed quickly and out of caution Bruce had taken her to the medical wing, he said to make sure the poison had no lasting effects and make sure that he wounds had closed up correctly. They had placed her on a stretcher and a few nurses pushed her away to another room. Y/n had smiled at him before being taken away and that had been the last he saw of her for the next few days. He went to check on her but the operation room they had brought her to was empty. When he asked Bruce about it he had told her that she was released a day after they had come back.   
That meant that she must have been hiding in her room for the last week. It stung to know that she didn’t feel the need to see him, that his feelings could be misplaced. After Steves Party, he seemed so sure that she felt the same, or at least somewhat similar feeling for him as he felt for her. The way she clung to him, called him home… Nothing a mere friend would do. And then there was the near kiss after that disaster of a mission. At least Steve had kept his calm and understood that it wasn’t their fault.   
In quiet moments Bucky closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of her soft, warm lips against his pulse. The quick, sharp pain that he remembered… He wanted more of it, to feel it again. Bucky was somewhat embarrassed by it and yet when he was alone he would masturbate to the thought of it or the imagination of feeling that sensation on a different part of his body. 

And with Y/n absence the nightmare returned. Without her to told them at bay he was plagued by them almost every night. Some were the old classics: falling off the train, getting his metal limb installed for the first time, killing his innocent victims... But some were new, they would feature her. Y/n getting hurt, bleeding out, or similar horrors.  
One humid August night he was back at the cabin.

Y/n lay on the couch bleeding out, there was nothing he could do. She was screaming in pain, blaming him “I hate you! You did this to me….” She would stop moving but the black continued to stream out of her wounds. It stained the fabric of the couch, his shirt, hands. But it wouldn’t stop. It liquid gathered on the floor and didn't stop. It was filling up the room until there was no air left. He was swimming in it, drowning. The thick cold liquid filled his lungs, burning them away like acid. 

Bucky sat up in his bed screaming, taking panicked breaths to fill his lungs with air again. He sat there until his breath was normal again and the sweat on his skin had dried off. Out of habit, he looked to the right side of the bed where his girl would normally lay. If she were his girl.   
He tried to go back to sleep but it was no use. So Bucky got up. Threw on a shirt and tiredly exited this room. The hallway was quiet, except for the soft padding of his bare feet against the hardwood flooring. The cold surface under his feet soothed him, literally cooling him down. Without realizing it, his muscle memory set in and made him cross the hall, stopping right in front of Y/n room.   
He stared at the door for a few seconds, pausing to collect these thoughts. He hadn’t been thinking about where he was going, his feet simply carried him to were it felt right. To her. 

He swallowed what little saliva there was in his dry mouth and knocked on the door. There was no answer, so he waited a moment before knocking again. When there was once again no reaction, he decided to act like he would have before their strange interaction and carefully pushed open the door to Y/n room.   
The living room was dark, the air thick and humid, Bucky glanced over at the AC control panel. It was turned off, the windows on her glass wall were wide open… He made his way over to her bedroom, the door was open. There he was met with an empty be the sheets pushed aside in a hurry. Quickly panic set in. Was she okay, did she get hurt? Bucky looked around but found no signs of struggle, the only thing out of place was the bathtub. It was filled up halfway, some bubbles still dancing on the surface, the water was cold.   
“Y/n?” Bucky asked hesitantly, then an idea crossed his mind.

“Friday?” He looked around on the ceiling as if to look for a face to talk to. The disembodied voice answered quickly.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?” 

“Where is Y/n?” He sat down on the bed, hand skimming over the light cotton fabric of her comforter. It smelled like her, calming his nerves. 

“Agent Y/n is currently in the living room on the main floor.” 

  
He sighed, closing his eyes to get rid of the horrid Ideas that had been forming in his head. Visions of what might have happened to her. He was afraid of her, fear for her safety. It was a deeper feeling than he had for Steve or any other friend or girl he had met so far. They felt connected on a much deeper level, felt a similar trauma, lost a lot, found someone who truly understands that...

Bucky got up from the bed and took the elevator to the main floor.

_____________________  
Y/n hadn’t been able to rest. Too many thoughts were circling in her mind, robbing her sleep. She had been too shy to face Bucky after their intimate encounter. He filled a place in her heart, fulfilled her desire that she thought long to be dead. His strong embrace and soft words reminded her of her thought to be lost human side and the normal needs a human has. Contact, skin to skin, touch …..love.

Did she love him? Was she even capable of love or has she been robbed of that ability over her long life? Her desire for a partner had seemingly withered like a flower would over time. But he brought her a new bloom. Warm, buzzing feelings were developing within her. A spark of joy when he noticed her, gave her attention. 

The weather has gotten even warmer but it didn’t bother her too much, in fact, it felt good against her cold skin. She was malnourished once again, but not out of lack of substance. She had a whole cooling chamber filled with blood. She only took enough to keep steady for nothing could compare against the sweet taste she had on her tongue when he let her drink from his vein. Y/n knew well why she didn’t want to consume from him. It held the danger of addiction, getting used to caned blood had been a tough journey and now she had been tempted. She had been thinking about asking for more. Just one more taste. Of course, she noticed that he liked it too, it had aroused her as well, the thought of sharing such an experience with him in a sexual way. And yet it seemed wrong, immoral, or at least socially unacceptable. She would never make him her blood source, her blood whore, Adam used to have girls around for such matters, Y/n had despised the nickname. 

Curling further into her blanket, she took another sip of blood, maybe it would taste better at the third attempt. But she guessed wrong and set it back on the table. 

____________  
Entering the living room, Bucky was met with the picture of Y/n lounging on the couch, buried in a thick burgundy blanket. Only her head and shoulders peeked out from underneath it, her eyes were focused on the TV where a documentary about birds or something of that matter was playing, the TV lights were reflecting on her skin.   
She spotted him quickly, she looked over and gave him a small “Hi” before focusing back on the Screen in front of her. 

With slow steps, Bucky came closer. He stopped next to her, her eyes still glued to the screen while she pretended to listen to the program. 

“Can I sit?” He asked her, nodding towards the spot next to her.   
She looked at the blanket that was resting on the seat and pushed it away and closer to her hip, then looking up at him for a brief moment.

“Yeah, sure.” She was back to ignoring him. 

She didn’t do it to be rude but his presence was making her nervous. She wasn’t sure how to interact with him after their last encounter. 

  
So they sat there in silence for a good amount of time, both too awkward to say something and therefore pretending to be interested in the way how the superb lyrebird imitates sounds to woo females.   
Y/n played with the loose strings of fabric that had loosened from the red material that acted as her shield protecting her from the awkward conversation they were about to have. She pulled it up to her chin but alas it was no use. 

“So, can’t sleep either?” Bucky asked carefully. Not looking at her just yet. She answered him with a hum, it was neither a positive nor a negative sound, simply acknowledging the fact.

They stayed in silence. When the program was stopped and the ads started playing, Y/n dared to free her hand and reach for the glass filled with red liquid. She hoped that the drink might be more likable when combined with his smell, it had been bothering her for some time now. How amazing he smelled, his warmth next to her…. 

She took a sip but scrunched up her face when her theory didn’t add up. On the contrary, his presence and the smell of his blood made the taste of the bottled A negative even sadder. 

It was surprising how normal it felt to him to watch her drink another human's blood. And he felt a pang of jealousy for it wasn’t his blood that was gently touching her lips, trickling down her throat and giving her energy. He noticed her slightly disgusted facial expression. Perhaps, he thought. She felt the same.

  
“I’m glad to know you are better,” Bucky told her honesty but it had a different effect on her than the would have expected. Y/n felt her face heat up, she looked at him with wide eyes, then she realized that he meant it in a kind way even when it could have been a critique. She never went to see him after the mission but not for reasons she could tell him. 

“Yes, I am.” She paused, thinking whether she should add the next sentence or not.  
“ Thank you for your help back then” but she did say it, could only hope he would understand what she meant. 

  
“Of course. I’m glad I could.” He leaned back a little and was about to add something but was interrupted by an excited gasp coming from the girl next to him. She was leaned forward, gazing at the TV like a small child on Christmas would marvel at a bright Christmas tree.

The channel was announcing the following program: A short documentary about a ship. Bucky hadn’t heard the ship's name but it looked beautiful. They were showing old grainy footage of a crane, pulling a wooden boat out a harbor. It was grand and decorated with carvings and depictions. 

The Vasa.

  
Y/n was glued to the TV, her eyes watering at the sight of the ship. She looked at the pictures like one would at a long lost friend.

  
“You know this ship?” Bucky asked carefully, Y/n nodded before looking him in the eyes, a tear was rolling down her cheek. 

“My father helped to build it.”, she bunched the blanket up in her arms to hold it close, give her some comfort though all the memories that must be flashing through her head.   
Slowly Bucky placed his hand on her back and carefully rubbed it. Out of instinct, she leaned into it and quickly accepted his embrace when he offered to hold her. 

“Did you go on a trip with it?” He asked, but her response was a small laugh.

“No, it sunk right after it was put into the water.” They both watched as the camera showed the restored ship in its museum.

“But I wasn’t born yet.” She told him, then turning in his arms so that her face was resting against his shoulder. Bucky’s arm was resting on her waist, thumb gently moving along her ribs.

“ I wanna make a guess.” He announced.

“Guess what?” Y/n looked up at him.

“You’re age. We had a deal or did you forget?” he teased her.

“I didn’t forget it, but it’s unfair, I know when you were born,” She laughed.

“Oh yeah? Tell me then.”He shifted again, both facing each other.

“ I know that Steve was born in 1918 and you are a bit older. So you are from 1916.”  
She announced.

“Close but no. Now it’s my turn.”

“Go ahead” she laughed  
“You said your father built the ship and it sunk in…” He looks at the TV checking his facts “ 1628. So-”

“You are right”

  
A pause.

“What? I didn’t say anything yet.” He studied her grinning face. 

“But you did.” She stretched like a cat, her head now resting in his lap, legs thrown over the armrest.

It took him a second but then an array of emotions danced over his face. Confusion, realization, shock.  
“1628? Really?” She nodded, humored by his childlike wonder. 

  
He expected her to be old, Edwardian, maybe even Victorian but from the 17th century….

“That makes you what…..” He tried to do the calculations in his head while looking at her young, glowing face.

“395 years.” She told him in a shy voice.

He repeated the number in an attempt to grasp its meaning. Then he huffed a laugh  
“And here I was thinking that I was old.”

She smiled, a soft glow in her eyes to have finally revealed herself. Bucky looks at her in admiration, gently brushing his thumb against her cheek. She closed her eyes, keeping the bliss of the moment, and soon after they were both asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After all the horrible and exhausting things that happened this week I hope this brought you some joy. Comments , Kudos, and Air are what keeps me alive rn during the exam phase to please consider to write down your thoughts and reactions. 
> 
> All the best!


	15. might

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)

  
_He feels like floating. A soft heat surrounding him, embracing his every fiber. Bucky opens his eyes and looks at his surroundings. Soft pastel colors, creams, and beiges, a silky texture underneath his fingertips. Everything is slightly blurred like seen through milk glass, but he doesn’t get enough time to think about it, dwell on the thought._

_A hand touches his neck, his chin, and turns it back so that he is facing upfront._   
_“Hey, eyes on the prize, baby.” she straddles him, leaning forward she presses her breasts against his chest. Soft warm skin his meeting, they are both naked he realizes._   
_Y/n caresses his chin, pulling him forward into a deep heated kiss. He closes his eyes again, hands roaming over her back, tongues wrestling for power._   
_She moves away again, looking deep into his eyes, pupils dilated, they are nearly completely black._   
_“You taste so good, baby.” She grins, then leaning forward, she licks his cheek, moaning in pleasure. “Oh, so good.” They kiss again, the heat is increasing and he can feel his dick pushing up against her._   
_Bucky pulls her closer, wanting to feel all of her. “ Yeah, doll.” He huffs in between kisses. “I want you. Please” He moves to kiss her cheek, chin, neck. But she stops him, chuckling darkly._

_“oh no, baby, that’s my spot, don’t you know it?” Her eyes are even darker, blacklines grow under the “ Don’t you want it?” She asks, grinning at him and flashing her fangs._   
_“Don’t you want to take care of your girl and feed her?”_

_Bucky nodded vigorously. “Yes, yeah” He lets her push him back on the bed, enjoying the feeling of her nails digging into his shoulders._   
_“So good for me.” Y/n leans forward, laying on top of him. Her vagina is touching his tip and ever so slowly she leans down on him, letting him enter her. Bucky groans, his breath coming out in huffs. “Oh god,” He touches her back again, holding her by the waist but before he could react, y/n pinned his arms up._   
_“Such a good little morsel” She purrs._   
_Y/n starts riding him slowly, she is fully in control and he loves it._

_She leans forward, kissing his neck slowly, her lips hover over his puls. “ You are so good. So sweet.” She sucks on his skin. “You want me to suck you dry?” Buck nodes quickly._   
_“Tell me how much you want it” She bites down on the skin but not enough to draw blood._   
_“Please doll, I want you” He pleases wanting the pressure to be released._

_“You want me? Want me to what?” She teases him._

_“I….” He groans when she starts riding him a little faster “ I want you to drink from me. Have…. Have all of me.”_

  
_She smiles happily “ That’s what I wanted to hear.”_

_In a flash she bites down on his neck, drinking greedily, scratching his back, and going faster._

_Bucky comes as soon as he feels the tuck on his neck, his blood leaving his body to_ fuel _hers._

“Bucky”

 _His hand is free again, roaming over her body, pulling her as close as possible_.

“Bucky?”

_He feels his vision closing in, a fatigue settles in making him slower. Maybe had too much but who was he to stop her._

“Bucky, wake up, man.” 

_His arm falls to the side, moving was impossible. Y/n was still draining him and she wasn’t going to stop anytime soon._

“ Ey!” Sam pushed the sleeping man, making him jump. 

Bucky was breathing heavily, leaned forward on the couch. He was clutching his heart, looking around to observe his surroundings. He was in the living room again. No Y/n, no bed, no sex….   
“What the fuck were you dreaming, man? You were wheezing and groaning like crazy.”   
Sam was leaned over the back of the couch, watching Bucky calm down. It was close to nine and most of the other Avengers had started their training by then. No one dared to wake the sleeping super soldier and went their way, Sam had taken it upon himself to do so.

Bucky sat up and adjusted himself, covering his most likely visible boner. He knew that Sam was a good man and wouldn’t make fun of him but he was still embarrassed. How his imagination could tease him with such a vivid fantasy after that mild and modest encounter he had with Y/n. He was raised to be a gentleman, to respect women, and gain their favor through kind gestures, not lude actions.   
  
“None of your business.” Bucky mumbles. “What time is it? What’s going on?” 

Sam chuckled and made his way to the kitchen.” You were really out of it, huh?” He came back with a coffee cup and handed it to Bucky.

“Thanks” The Burnette accepted the hot drink and took a sip, trying to collect and root himself in reality. His vision was over the top but damn, what would he give for just one night with her….

“Listen, I gotta go work on some stuff with Tony. Steve said you are up for the shooting range today so maybe you should head downstairs once you…” Sam gave a vague motion towards Bucky “ Figured yourself out.” 

___________________________________________

The shooting came naturally to him. HYDRA made sure their best weapon was trained and a great shot. He was good with a rifle even before all of that shit and had saved Steves and multiple other asses regularly when he worked as a sniper. 

“Oh, there you are.” Steve was standing outside the thick glass doors that led to the shooting range. He was holding a tablet, typing something on a document, and looking through the door's window and observing something. 

“Hey, Sam said you want to see me for training.”

Steve put down the tablet “ Yeah, I’ll explain it to you, wait a second.” He pushed a button next to the door and spoke through a microphone “ Okay, good job. Finish your round and then come here, please.” His voice came through the speakers and the shooting next door stopped for a moment.

“Buck, you are the best sniper I ever met and I have a small problem with Fury regarding…..Y/n.” 

“How so?” Bucky’s back straightened up at the mentioning of her name.

“Some Information about her was leaked and the direction is concerned about it. We covered up her story to protect her, told them she has super speed and strength because of HYDRA experiments but we didn't’ tell them about the rest and they noticed that things don’t add up.”

“So? Where is the problem?” Bucky leaned against the wall.

“They pressured us into their lowering her status to a normal agent or we have to make her story public to keep her as a full member of the team.” Steve seemed upset.

“What bull shit is that? We get blackmailed for not exposing her to the public?” 

“They see ‘great scientific potential’ in her condition…..” 

“What…. So either she has to start with the rookies or she gets sold to a lab?!”

“I don’t like it either, okay? But we figured out a way to maybe keep her on. We have to prove her skills to the commission board, that’s where you come in.”

“You want me to teach her?” Bucky peaked through the window, getting a look at Y/n firing a round from a Walter gun. She wasn’t doing too bad but from just one glance he could see that her stance was way off, she was handling the small gun like a rifle… It would be a good amount of work with her. 

“I know you two get along well and you are the best shot here.”  
Steve walked over to the table where all firearms were laid out. “ Choose what you think best. I know you will do well.” 

Steve left them alone just when Y/n opened the door and came out of the booth. She took off her ear protection and smiled at him. “ Oh hey, so you’ve heard?” 

“ Steve just filled me in. I’m sorry you have to do all this crap. We all have our talents, no need to be good at everything.” Bucky rambled on. 

“Well, whatever needs to be done, right?” 

  
They stood on silence for a few moments 

“I uhh, Sorry for disappearing like that his morning but you were so deeply asleep and…”

“Oh no no, that’s okay, no need to apologize…” 

  
Y/n could feel her cheeks heat up and so did Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter this time. I have multiple exams to study for so only some 1.5k words this time. The next one will be proper again. 
> 
> Please feed my sad soul with kudos and comments (sorry for begging)


	16. explode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second half baby! GET READY FOR SOME FLUFF

  
The bullet was propelled out of the gun's muzzle, cutting through the air at incredible speed and pierced through the wooden figures head, bits of wood cracking away, and flying through the air. It was followed by another shot, and another, another. When Bucky set the gun down, there were 10 clean holes in the target head, it was barely a plank of wood and reminded her more of a slice of swiss cheese.

  
“ Okay, now you.” Bucky handed the gun to Y/n. She gripped it hesitantly, impressed but also intimidated by his abilities. Her lack of focus resulted in her grabbing the gun by the barrel that had gotten hot due to the friction of the bullets. With a yelp she let go of the gun, making it fall, her other hand was clutching her burnt fingers. But before the weapon could hit the ground, a clank was heard. Bucky caught it in his vibranium hand before it could fall.

“Oh f-- I’m sorry… I …” She had been so unfocused through all of the sessions. Instead of listening to his advice and instructions, she had been more focused on the feeling of his broad chest and shoulders pushing against her back when he was teaching her how to hold the gun correctly. Her brain blacked out when he held her hips, correcting her stance, his face was so to her ear, she felt his hot breath against her cheek. It made her all flustered, giddy even and it became harder to listen to the words he was saying. 

  
She was cursing for acting so stupid around him. She was behaving like a little girl crushing on a boy.   
And it was foolish to even have these kinds of feelings towards him, a human. It wouldn’t end well, it never could. Say they fell in love, to have a relationship, get close…. He would get old and die, just like they always do… And that would leave her alone once more, again, and there would be no more tears left to shed, no heart to be broken. She had been through this one to many times. 

Adam had warned her about this, to not get close to humans in the first place. He called them feeble, useful creatures but nothing to get attached to. He was right once more, of fucking course he was. 

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Bucky flashed her a soft smile, quickly he noticed her trembling fingers, holding the burnt digits close to her chest. He stored the gun away and took off his ear protection, doing the same with hers. 

“Here, let me see that.” He gently pulled her hand away, getting a look at her dominant hand. The tips of her index and middle finger were throbbing and slightly changed in color. Bucky took her hand in his and carefully placed his metal fingers against hers, cooling her skin.  
She let out a small hiss at the contact but quickly relaxed once the pain became more bearable. 

“See, that stupid thing had to be good for something.” He joked, chuckling at his joke. He lightened up when she let out a small giggle.

“Don’t say that. It’s good for many things” She moved her hand in his, her fingers resting against his palm. “I should have known that that thing would get hot….” She mumbled, embarrassed by her stupidity. 

“I should have told you though. I am your instructor after all.” He closed his fingers around hers, thumb slowly moving over the back of her hand. 

She watched his movements, not noticing that both were slowly stepping closer to each other. Her gaze was fixed on the advanced technology of his prosthetic. It was a piece of art, so shiny and strange yet it worked and moved to humans. She got lost in her thoughts, watching his cold fingertips dance over her skin. Only when he called her name she snapped out of it and looked up at him. His hair had grown quite a bit and was framing his face, creating a halo against the light when she looked up into his face.

“Hm? “ She didn’t listen to him. 

“I asked if we should leave it for now. We’ve been here for a few hours now and you seem exhausted.” He explained to her.

“Yeah, sounds good.” She didn’t move away from him. They stayed close, looking into each other's eyes…..

Bucky broke away first, _It’s rude to stare_ , he remembered his Mama scolding him for it when he was watching the people in the streets. 

It realized how close they had been standing, his cheeks heated up and he suddenly dropped his hand trying to find something else to focus on. 

Y/n took a step back, fiddling with the hem of her shirt to do the same. 

They needed something to talk about “ It’s a nice day…” He commented, not thinking much of it. The weather was a popular topic for small talk. 

“You wanna…” Y/n tried to figure out what he meant. 

“Wanna what?” Bucky turned back towards her with a confused look.

“I uhh.. thought you are asking me out…” Y/n confessed. Great job to make the situation even worse when he was just talking about the weather. 

“Oh.” 

“I.. sorry I just thought..” She stammered, deeply embarrassed by her interpretation. She turned her face away, of course, he wouldn’t ask her out, why would he?

“No.” He uttered confused but quickly noticed his error when she pulled away.” I mean, yes, I” He sighed, burying his face in his hands

“Of course I’d like to take you out.” He saw the tears glistening in her eyes and confessed “ Very much actually. I just…. I wasn’t sure whether you would like that…”

Y/n watched him all flustered, he was cursing himself for his incompetence. 

  
“Okay, let’s forget that and go again.” He took a deep breath, waiting for her to pay her attention. He was absolutely rusted when it came to his flirting skills, geez.

“Would you like to go out with me? For a coffee or whatever you like?” He asked properly, eagerly awaiting her reaction.

It had been a good few decades since she felt so deeply for someone, was so smitten with everything about them. She had never been properly courted and enjoyed this greatly.  
She bit her lip to soften her big grin  
“I’d like that very much” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We live in strange times and my uni just postponed my exam for the third time..... Therefore you get the second half of the chapter today. woo!


	17. Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Water - by Gunnarsson https://open.spotify.com/track/0n28PXtudWAJzjDqNczdS6?si=NhxNkzuKQtio2aAyXu4ijw

This had to be a dream. He was certain of it. Another made-up fantasy his mushed brain, or whatever was left of it, made up to save his sanity. And multiple clues let him to this conclusion.

These dreams had been there before:  
1\. Whenever he had gotten enough sense to remember at least the smallest detail about himself and his past, his mind constructed these fairytales to keep him calm in between the horrors and the pain of his winter soldier years. Most of the time they featured the same elements: Some girl he had been seeing be it Jane, Dot or that ginger one whose name he couldn’t remember no matter how hard he tried. They were all centered in Brooklyn, most of the time they took place in Marie Lou’s bakery, his mother's friend that had made bread and cakes for them ever since he was a small boy. She made the best apple pie in New York.   
And they all took place around the sunset. When the orange ball would disappear behind the red-bricked buildings of his childhood home. It made his surroundings glow on a dim orange light, making every edge soft and comfortably fuzzy.

2\. Through all his pain Bucky dreamed of going back home and living that comfortable life that he wished to have. Back before the war he didn’t long for much, the classic ideal of a wife, kids, and a house just outside the city seemed good enough and fairly reachable. After going to the army it’s value quickly increased these hope to get all of that after finishing his duty. When he didn’t return it became the distant fantasy that somehow kept his going, even when the odds were very much against him.

3\. Even when he would have had the chance to leave his HYDRA past behind, the chances of finding a girl that would want to go out with him after all of his crimes were close to zero. No girl in her right mind would go out with a gruff, old fashioned crippled criminal like him when there were thousands if not millions of better men out there. 

For these reasons Bucky settled on the fact that he was asleep. Maybe all of the last few months had been a dream. There had been times where he had longer cryo phases in a half-awake state that could lead to hallucinations. 

He watched the orange reflection on his metal fingertips, most of his arm and hand were hidden under a dark leather jacket and fingerless gloves. Sure, it was way too hot for late July but he would rather be a little sweaty than spotted and put through more attention than was comfortable to him.   
Everything looked real, he could sense all of his surroundings just like Shuri had told him to do whenever he fell out of it. Coffee on his tongue, hot glass under his fingers, cars, and chatter filling his ears, the view of red brick buildings cast in soft sunlight, the smell of hot chocolate, and that sweet smell of tulips…..

Suddenly another hand appeared in his field of view, shorter fingers placing themselves over his. Skin and shining metal meeting in stark contrast to each other. He jumped a little, the soft touch had startled him, pulling him out of his thoughts. He followed the extension of the fingers to a smaller hand, a forearm half covered by the loose red sleeves of a garment, a shoulder, peeking out from under the wide neckline of a dress, then a chin, soft hair that seemed to reflect the sun, a face. 

  
“Hey, are you okay?” Y/n asked, her head was slightly tilted to the side, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and slight concern. Her thumb rubbed gentle circles into Bucky’s hand.

“Yes, of course.” He answered quickly, his focus quickly went back to the comforting feeling of her skin against his hand. It felt like she was stroking warmth and heat into it, warming him up with each stroke. She was like the sun. Warm, blinding, guiding him, and yet he was scared of getting burned if he looked at her for too long. 

“I’ve never been around the heart of Brooklyn, I understand why you love it so much.” Y/n was studying the people walking around in the square. A group of kids was playing football, two mothers were talking to each other, and letting their toddlers interact, a few couples enjoying the summer evening. It was so peaceful, she never wanted this to end. 

“My mama knew the owner, Ma Lou was like an aunt to me.” Bucky nodded back towards the coffee they were sitting in front of. “But I guess she is gone now….” 

“She might be.” Y/n turned back to face him, leaning towards him on the table. “But I know that she would be very happy to know that you came back to her shop even after all this time.” Bucky could hear the slightest tremble in her voice, her lip shock but she caught herself and spoke “The hardest part about being old isn’t living on your own. It’s outliving everyone else.” She retreated and started sipping her drink. The sweet milk foam against her lips gave her some small comfort. 

“What about your family. You talked about your brother?” Bucky didn’t want to push her too far but it had been on his mind for some time now. There were parts of her story that didn’t add up. She talked about her father, building a warship in 1628, yet the went to see her brother. 

  
“Adam, yes.” She scratched her neck, toying with the strands of hair on her neck that had broken free from her bun. “ I was born the second youngest, my father had been away to fight in the war and came back with a child or so my mother told me. “ 

“So he was adopted?” 

“My father's friend was wounded quite badly, he asked him to take in his son in case anything would happen to him Adam’s mothers was a field worker, he would have starved if he stayed with her.” Bucky looked at her with a mix of curiosity and confusion.

“I don’t think you can imagine what life was like.” Y/n chuckled. “ I mean sure, the great depression was bad but…. it was something entirely different.” Her eyes started to lose focus again, her head getting lost in the many memories she gathered over the centuries. It was a whole different curse on its own. She was young, will always be young, and she hadn’t seen enough for her memory to start sorting out. Sometimes she envied Adam’s wife for being old enough to stop caring. She had lost every concept of time, granting her the careless life of simply living in the moment. She was for eternity so why should she worry about her past or future.   
For Y/n it was different. She was old, but not ancient, the stories of her childhood were still being told, the songs still played. Her past wasn’t buried under the rug of time. Every glimpse of what was brought back memories that even a good 300 years couldn’t heal.

Bucky studied her, the subtle movements of her facial muscles, flashes from the past. What would he give to truly understand? 

“I…” Bucky started but stopped himself unsure of what so say. What would be a good description of his feelings... What was he feeling? Happiness, sure, but there were so many different types of it. He felt happy when he completed his run. Or when someone prepared a whole pot of coffee, When he and Steve laughed about old in-jokes.   
The happiness he felt when he saw her was different, brighter, it would fill him whole and he couldn’t shake it off.   
“ I like this.” He settled for a simple statement, hoping that she would understand. She had this power to understand him deeper than words could ever communicate.

Y/n took both of his hands, squeezing gently “ Me too, a lot.” 

“I’m glad” he held her hand a little tighter.  
They stayed seated for a little while longer, the sun had disappeared behind the wall of buildings and the air had cooled down for there was only little light left. Bucky and Y/n were engaged in a story of his youth when a middle-aged woman came up to the table. She came to hold next to Y/n, a phone in her hand.   
“Excuse me miss, are you Thorn?” She moved closer to her, her phone held towards Y/n face. “I’m Judith Lang, I would like to ask you a few questions for CDG news. Why have you not announced your position on the avenger's team avengers team earlier?” Y/n was trying to move away from her, she didn’t see the reporter approach. Startled by her obnoxious behavior Y/n slid her chair away, moving towards Bucky who had straightened up as well.   
“Ms, could you leave us alone?” He moved his hand in between the reporters' phone and Y/n face in an attempt to shield her. 

“Sir, this isn’t about you-” Bucky reacted quickly and pushed the woman's arm away, making her drop her phone. 

“You! I will report this. Attacked by the winter soldier!” Her yelling caught the attention of others around them. Some were looking confused, some recognized his face and started walking towards him to ask for photos and autographs. The crowd gathered around them quickly, phones were being pulled out and pictures were taken of the two. 

Bucky quickly got up and took Y/n by the hand. He pressed a $20 bill into the hands to the waitress closest to him and they quickly started moving towards the nearest subway station. Bucky was cursing himself for not taking a car but they wanted to have a calm evening without having look for a parking spot or dealing with the press when driving there with one of tony’s fancy cars. 

But the news had spread faster than they had expected. While waiting for the next subway to arrive the digital billboards started showing pictures of them along with tweets commenting. 

WINTER SOLDIER AND THORN: AVENGERS TAKING IN HYDRAS PETS

NEW AVENGERS NO ONE INFORMED THE GOVERNMENT! DANGER TO THE PUBLIC?

AVENGERS ATTACK ON LOGISTICS COMPANY: CEO BRUTALLY MURDERED

  
Y/n stared at the screen, visibly shaking. Someone had leaked information about them. She was out there, this was exactly what Adam had warned her about. They would do research, find out that her story didn’t add up. She would get exposed….

“Hey, calm down Doll. They will fix this.” Bucky reassured her, pulling her along into the train that rolled in. He gave her his baseball hat, covering her eyes as best as possible. Y/n held onto him, head pressed against his chest. She listened to his heartbeat, trying to match it with her breathing. Bucky was rubbing her back, ushering calming words but the silence was quickly broken when her phone vibrated in her pocket. 

She pulled it out to take a look at the screen. She had received a text.

  
‘ I fucking told you so. Call me’ -Adam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 4000 views had me like :O


	18. if

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!SURPRISE !! A SECRET CHAPTER !!
> 
> *to the melody of what shoud we do with a drunken sailor*
> 
> What should I do for the test on Monday,  
> probably go and learn for Monday,  
> oh nevermind I did that all week long,  
> time to write some fan-fic!

Bucky had never seen anyone as anxious as her. Y/N had arrived at the tower quickly after all of this ordeal had begun. They were greeted by Tony, he announced that Steve had set up an emergency meeting to figure this whole situation out. Throughout the stressful journey home, Bucky had not gotten a clear answer to what as actually going on or who started this whole chaise in the first place.   
Bucky had followed Tony to the meeting room right away, Y/n separated from them to make a quick call to her brother. He watched her move up and down the hallway, nodding and calming Adam as best as she could. 

“ _See this is what I have been worried about. You going out, living with all these fucking Zombies. You know exactly in what shithole you ended up last time around. Now that these have freed you, you follow them like a stupid puppy_.” 

“What, you think I wanted this?! I don’t know what happened, I still don’t know what’s going on…”

“ _Oh, I can tell you what happened. One of your fucking zombie friends snitched to Nato officials and if you don’t get this under control there will be a fucking genocide of our kind and that is on you!”_

  
Bucky saw a tear running down her face, she quickly wiped it away. Y/n moved towards the nearest wall and leaned her forehead against it in hopes of it cooling her down. Her look darkened and she let out a low chuckle.

“That’s easy for you to say. All you do is huddle in your rotting house and come out at night to make fun of others. Stuck with your fucking guitars…” Y/n sniffled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  
“I gotta go now. Fuck you and say hi to Eve for me.” 

She hung up and buried her face in her hands. How could everything fall apart so quickly? For just a moment she felt truly happy, out and about with Bucky. He made her feel thing she thought she had lost forever and then, just like that, everything turned even worst. Bucky felt the need to comfort her, hold her and tell her that they will work it out. Not just for her but also for himself.   
Tony had not yet started on the full report and was still gathering information. He was in a meeting with the NATO leaders just a few minutes ago, trying to calm them and sort this mess out. After the fight over the Accords, both sides settled on a deal that met in the middle. The Avengers were to stay a private organization so that they could respond quickly and as a neutral party. In exchange for this freedom, NATO had to be informed of every major event, every new fund and projects that the Avengers were working on. In the case of a major deal-breaker, NATO had a right to deny them money or resources or even forbid the actions altogether. 

Bucky excused himself and exited the room and carefully made his way to the girl that was now sitting on the floor, her head leaned back against the bright white wall, knees pulled up to her chest. She looked broken, fragile like she could break at the slightest touch.

She looked up when he stood before her, the phone had been put to the side. Her eyes were rimmed, tiered looking and Bucky was shocked how fast her energy had been drained. Not even an hour ago she was bubbly, watching the people in the streets with big, curious eyes taking in as much as possible. Now she was but a shadow of her former self, broken, cold…. It felt like everything was starting to fit together like puzzle pieces. They were getting closer, getting to know each other for who they were. And just like that, the world shifted and a rift opened up, pulling them inside and ripping away their glimmer of peace and happiness.

“Hey,” Bucky said in a small voice. Y/n sniffled, rubbing at her eyes  
“Hey..” She gave him a weak smile but felt her eyes tear up once again. She looked back down, digging her nail into the thin skin on her knees and watching the dents they left there. 

Bucky felt strange standing over her. He was taller than her but now he felt like he was towering over her. He gave the other a look over his shoulder, giving Steve a nod to let him know that Bucky had the situation under control, they would be there in a moment. 

He slid down on the wall next to her. When he came to a stop he pulled his legs close similar to the way that she was sitting. Her gaze was still fixed on her hands, she wouldn’t look at him, couldn’t out of a deep sense of shame. Whatever had happened, she felt upset for pulling him into this. After his treatment in Wakanda Bucky had somewhat saved his reputation and was seen in a better light in the public's eye. 

“How is he? Adam” Bucky asked carefully. Y/n looked over at her phone that rested next to her. after a few seconds, she spoke “ Angry and bitter, like always.” She huffed “ I really fucked up…” She turned to Bucky.

“No Doll, you didn’t do anything.” Bucky gently took her hand and massaged the back of her hand with his thumb just like she had only a few hours prior. 

“Well, apparently that is enough. Adam suggests I should live in a shit hole all day as he does, then this wouldn’t have happened.” She leaned her head against his shoulder.

“We don’t even know what happened. Tony is still working on a report.” He told her.  
Y/n hummed in agreement and turned her face towards his shoulder, smooshing it against the strong muscle. She inhaled his scent “ Mmmm… You smell good.” She mumbled, smiling softly.  
Bucky’s cheeks heated up, he stifled, swallowing what little saliva was left in his dry mouth.

“Okay Lovebirds, we gotta manage ourselves out of this mess. You can make out later!”  
Tony called from the conference room, earning him a jab in the side from Steve. “Leave them be.” He told the brunette.

  
“You ready to go?” Bucky asked her. Y/n shuffled away from him and nodded. In a quick motion, Bucky was back on his feet and held out his hand for her. “C’mon, I will be with you the whole time. No matter what, I won’t let you go hide in a cave.” 

His comment made Y/n smile, she took his hand and let him pull her up, he did so with ease. 

___________________________

“Okay, I won’t even try to make this pretty. Shit hit the fan.” Tony opened up a document on his futuristic beamer. A hologram of what seemed to be an official letter of sorts appeared in the middle of the table.

“Somehow the information on Y/n was leaked to the public and NATO is not happy about it. They are writing that they hold us responsible to the article 4 of the Avengers NATO treaty that states that every addition or retirement of a core member, so one of us, has to be reported and voted upon.”

Bucky interrupted him” But I thought we were handling that with the whole training thing..” 

“ Good thinking but no, that ship sailed like 3 hours ago, we were to do that but someone has their eyes on us and wants to fuck us up. It’s not just the fact that the NATO has gotten pieces of information about her but someone leaked pictures of her on twitter and we all know what a stupid idea that is.” 

Tony changed the slide to a twitter live feed. 

#thorn was trending with 849.000 tweets in a few hours.

“Thorn?” Y/n asked.   
“Yes, well luckily I have so ‘friends’ in higher ranks that informed me of this leak and I had to come up with some avenger name, didn’t I?”

“Why Thron?” Bucky asked.

“ Seriously? Thorn like a rose. Beautiful but dangerous, pricking?” Tony explained. 

“Anyway, now Lady and Gentlemen, we have two options. Either we try to deny the whole thing and pretend that Y/n doesn’t work here or exist for all they know or…. we turn this baby around and use it to our advantage.”

  
“How do you want to do that?” Y/n stared at the man in front of her.   
“Well, if they want to make us look bad we gotta own this situation. We will make it official, tell them as much as possible so whoever tries to get us into trouble is out of material.” 

“ I can’t tell them about what I am, Tony. They will hunt me and my kind, they did before!” Y/n exclaimed. 

“I didn’t say we tell them everything, we just don’t lie. Besides, if we do it in style no one will question it.” Tony grinned mischievously.”Therefore, get your calendars out and mark the date: On the 5th of August, the Avengers will give a live conference to introduce Thorn and the soldier on the team. Followed by a charity ball.” 

“You can’t be serious…” Bucky looked at Tony, he was giving him a tight smile that left no room for doubt. Then he looked over at Steve, hoping to get some backup but the blond looked down at the table in front of him, trying to escape his friend's stern look.

“You want to solve this problem with a fucking party? And what? Make the reporters and officials so drunk that they forget all of this?” He was getting angry and the silence in the room wouldn't help his temper at all. “ Why not, huh?” He stood up “ Why not make a raffle and sell her for the best price!”   
Y/n was curling in on herself. She knew he meant well, trying to defend her but she got too close to these kinds of scenarios to take it as a joke. It had been a problem for as long as she could remember. Her free life, moving from country to country, and engaging with the people there got her into more than enough trouble over the years. She made many friends, collected precious memories but then somehow someone found out about her, told others…   
Adam wouldn’t have to worry about that. After his wild years, he settled down and never really came out after. He was a creature of the night, just like her, but she refused to live in the shadows even if that lack of security was the price she had to pay for it. 

  
“I think it’s a good idea.” She spoke quietly, making Bucky turn around to look at her in the seat behind him. She gently patted his seat, making him sit back down slowly. 

“If we make this all official than they have no more material to use against us….” She nodded towards Steve, he gave her a soft smile in return. “And as Tony said, we don’t have to tell the whole truth. Maybe just the healing properties…. my speed, strength….” She carefully grabbed Bucky’s hand under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“Hydra did it to me… I don’t know, you can surely come up with something, right?” 

Tony nodded eagerly. “See, cold Buff, she gets it.” He started typing something. “ Okay, I’ll arrange everything and send it to you once the PR team is done.” His eyes were focused on his laptop, he nodded towards Steve without looking at him. Steve seemed confused.

“Do your cap thing, you know?” Tony puffed up his chest, mocking Steve. The blond sighed then murmuring “ Team dismissed.” 

“Yeah! That’s that you were here for.” Tony chuckled to himself, still focused on his work. 

  
Bucky was still sitting there, not able to get up. He still thought his whole plan was a bad idea. What if someone were to scan her face, do some research. There were most likely pictures of her somewhere…. They would question their theory, dig deeper …. He felt like his chest was restricted, making it hard to breathe. He was scared, anxious but not for himself. He was much more worried that something would happen to her, and he couldn’t live with himself if he failed to protect her. 

Y/n noticed him tense up, she gently squeezed his hand, calling his name but there was no reaction. She called him louder, pulling on his arm gently, still nothing. Y/n leaned forward, carefully placing her hand on his chest, his breathing became more even. “James…” She cooed, “ Please, relax,” She leaned closer, whispering in his ear. But it didn’t help, he was still stuck in his panic. Steve was getting visible irrigated, just about to step in when Y/n turned Bucky’s face gently towards her. 

“ **Calm dow _n_** ,” she swore she wouldn’t use her abilities for useless reasons but it seemed the best chance to get him back. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, his face pushed against her smaller hand. When he opened his eyes again he could breathe normally. “Thank you…” He whispered, hardly audible but she knew. 

Y/N stood up and carefully pulled him with her. “I need a drink, come on the balcony with me?” She asked, Bucky nodded and followed her. “I need to get some from the kitchen, go ahead, I’ll be right by you.” She squeezed his fingers before disappearing into the elevator.  
Somehow he felt deflated… Of course, she would go to the kitchen… He cursed his stupid horny mind and made his way to the balcony, ignoring the slight pressure against his pants, this couldn’t go on like this, he had to grab a hold of himself. 

___________  
Not long after Bucky settled down on a bench by the glass panels surrounding the balcony, the see-through between him and the city below. He heard a door slide open behind him, Y/n was approaching, two glasses in hand. One filled with a dark liquid, the other clear. 

She settled down next to him, he liked how she didn’t leave much space between them. 

“I brought you some water. Mostly so that I don’t feel so awkward with this. “ She lifted her glass to strengthen her point. She gently brought to her lips and took a sip, enjoying the taste. Bucky’s eyes were trained on her, she leaned back slightly, relaxing against the back of the bench. Her tongue darted out to catch the droplets that got caught on her upper lip. Before she could catch him staring, he began to drink his water. 

  
“I uhhhh… wanted to ask you something..” She said.

  
“Okay.” 

“So, now that the whole party will take place next week… I wanted to ask you whether… y-” 

“Yes,” Y/n chuckled at his quick answer. “ You don’t even know what I wanted to ask.” She laughed.

“ I don’t care what it is. Yes.” He looks at her, there was no trace of him lying. 

Y/n felt her face heat up, she quickly looked away. There they were, the legendary butterflies, dancing in her belly. She quickly took a big amount of blood in her mouth to prevent any stupid or embarrassing words to come out.  
But being in love made you do stupid things, and that was certainly a bad idea. Her body reacted quickly, believing that is was time to eat, properly. Her fangs came out, surprising her. Her eyes widened and she let out a high pitched sound.

  
Not knowing what the reason for her shock was, Bucky turned towards her, trying to get a look at her face. “Hey, what’s wrong?!” She went to cover her mouth, unable to speak without showing her teeth to him. Of all the things that came with being a vampire, she was most embarrassed about her fangs. They had been used by pop culture for many many years and became somewhat of a trademark for vampires. She hated them because they marked her, ripping her of her humanity or what was left of it. 

“ Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Bucky steadied her, holding her by the forearms and getting a look at her face. She seemed fine, nothing his her or got in her eyes...Then what had…. Oh… It clicked.

He carefully took hold of her hand, using the smallest pressure to move it away from her face. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. You can show me.” He spoke quietly, making her loosening her muscles so that he could move her hand away. Two sharp edges peeked out from behind her lip. When he looked at them, studying them she got nervous again, trying to look away, but he stopped her. 

“You don’t have to hide from me.” He placed his hand against her cheek, thumb sliding over her skin. Y/n closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation. The only noise came from the streets below and the wind that danced around the glass facade. His thumb slowly moved over her lower lip, feeling the pillowy skin, her warm breath against it. 

Now or never he thought, leaning towards her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know that point where you studied so much that you are scared to do more work because it might erase the stuff you already learned? No? Just me?


	19. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Real-life has me suuuuuuper busy so only a mini-chapter for now.

It was like he imagined it and so much more. When his lips met hers she was overwhelmed. Still not recovered from the scare she experienced, only moments ago, new feelings and senses were making her feel lightheaded, like laying on a cloud. It took Y/n a few seconds to respond to the sudden feeling of his scruffy beard on her face, the big, gentle hand holding the side of her face and neck, fingertips carefully moving in the lower ends of her hair along the scalp. He had her on a strange angle, making her turn towards him and pushing herself upon his shoulder to match his size.   
Just when Bucky was about to pull away and examine the situation Y/n pulled him closer, a small moan escaped her, telling him to stay, hold her closer. It gave him unknown power, the fire inside him burned even higher. The small pricking of her fangs against his lower lip subsided till there was nothing but the gentle and inhuman softness of her lips and the slight taste of iron on his tongue. But eventually, even supernaturals and superhumans had to breathe and they parted. 

Bucky let his hand rest on her shoulder, gently moving along the curve of her neck. He was looking at her, first skeptical of how she would feel about his sudden move to action. But as soon as he saw her gentle, girly smile he couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. To his surprise, Y/n started laughing, she watched over the city and chuckled. 

“What?” He asked, confused but also a little scared that she would reject him, even after what just happened. The small voice of doubt told him that maybe she was just playing him, humored by the fact that he just made a fool of himself.   
But before the dark thoughts could go on, she turned towards him, a little flustered. 

He was about to say something and ask her what she thought when Y/n leaned towards him and captured him in a deep kiss. Her hands were feeling his chest, pushing herself up to stay on his level of height.   
When she broke the kiss her head rested against his chin, she spoke quietly. “ I think you just made this day the best in a long time,” Bucky answered her with a gentle kiss on the forehead. 

She rearranged herself to lean against his chest, his head resting on hers. Bucky pulled her into an embrace, his hand around her waist, fingers moving along the curve, and feeling her warmth against them. 

They fell into silence, both stunned by what had happened and enjoying the presence of another. Time seemed to move faster and the warm evening quickly turned into night. Bucky had noticed how the weight of her against him had gotten heavier, he figured that she must have fallen asleep. It didn’t surprise him after the long and eventful day they had experienced but now that the sun was gone, the air had gotten a lot colder.  
Bucky gently shook her, whispering her name but she was in a deep sleep. Carefully he moved her, standing up and sliding his arms under her neck and legs. Her head rested against his shoulder like before, and Bucky maneuvered them inside. After a small struggle with the door, he got them in the building and into the elevator. 

Y/n stirred against his shoulder when the doors opened with a metallic sound but quickly settled down again. Bucky carried her down the hallway and thanked the AI system for allowing him inside her room without any fuzz. Just before he finished his mission of setting her down on her bed, she stopped him, grabbing his wrist and murmuring something. “No…. Stay” Her eyes were still closed but she wouldn’t let go of him. Bucky chuckled but gave in and moved to lay next to her. Through the glass window, he watched his city, kissed his girl good night, and fell into a gentle, dreamless slumber.


	20. could

Chapter 20

It felt like a Deja Vu, he had been here before not so long ago. Sun rays hitting his back, warming his skin, a simple sheet covering his lower half. A warm body was pressed against his chest, his nose buried in soft hair. He moved his left hand, gently skimming along the soft curve of hips under it. He carefully squeezed the flesh provoking a sleepy hum from the girl next to him. Y/N, of course. How many times had he woken up like this, walking the thin line of friendly comfort and romantic pursuits?  
He came to his senses and remembered the previous day. A simple, enjoyable afternoon had turned into a complicated, stressful evening like a switch had been flipped. But fate had been on his side and he managed to flip it back. And just like that what had seemed to be the worst day in his new life turned into the best so far. They had kissed, he kissed her and she accepted it, initiated the action herself. 

So he was back in bed with her, but now the thin line had been cut, and he didn’t have to be careful of his actions anymore. There was no fear of destroying their friendship with misplaced feelings. His feelings had been right from the start. 

And so Bucky leaned over her, cupping her face in his hand and kissed her soft lips. She didn’t react right away, still too sleepy to understand what was happening but quickly she smiled against his lips, humming like she was enjoying his stubble against her cheek. A hand snug around the back of his head, deepening the kiss.   
They stayed like this until they both needed oxygen, y/n gently pushed him back with a hand against his shoulder.   
She chuckled, turning on her side to look at the man that laid on his back next to her. She placed her leg over his as she did before, head on his biceps. 

“Good morning to you too…” She whispered against his shoulder before kissing it. 

“mhm….” He hummed lazily. “ You have no idea for how long I wanted to do this….” He placed his hand over hers. 

“Oh really?” She teased, leaning over him, she kissed along his jaw, moving the long strands of hair away from his face. She stopped “ How did we get here. I remember falling asleep on the balcony….” She massaged his scalp, strong hands holding her by her waist. 

“I carried you. You were pretty out of it but wouldn’t let me leave.” 

“Seemed like past me made a good decision then.” She kissed him again before moving lower to rest her head on his chest. He chuckled about her joke, his deep voice resonating against her head on his chest. 

They remained like this for some time, when Bucky was close to falling asleep again Y/n asked him “ What are you going to wear?” 

“Hmm? Wear what?” He looked at her confused.

“You said yes to going to the ball as my date, remember?” She grinned at him.   
“You said yes, no matter what. Be glad that I didn’t ask you to buy me a villa or to get a kitten or something.” She leaned forward for another kiss. Bucky couldn't stop smiling against her lips. Life was in balance, karma was now giving him the good he deserved for all the trouble he went through. A stable job with his friends, great living conditions back in his hometown, a loving girl...friend? Were they a couple? He assumed it. After dancing around each other for so long a date, their kiss and this…. It only made sense to call her that. His girlfriend. 

When they parted she seemed to be stuck on the same thought. She hesitated to lean into another kiss. “James… What is this?.... Us?” When Bucky paused Y/n sat up. 

“Uhh Well I-” Bucky tried to find the right words to explain his feelings, Y/n watched him, giving him the time he needed. 

“I really like you. I mean, I liked you for a long time and umm… “ He took a break, looking at his hands as if they would give him the answer he was looking for. “When… I felt it in the safe house. After the mission, you blacked out and I had to carry you to the cabin. You must have hallucinated, called me mother…..” He gripped the sheets” And… I felt so scared of losing you… More than I had before with anyone. You are important to me and…. I would like to try this.” He took her hand. “I would like to try to take this further with you.” 

Y/n didn’t answer him, she too tried to find the right words. It had been a very long time since she had felt so much for another person, a human nonetheless. He would die, that was the only thing that was certain and she would outlive him. Stay young for however long she could avoid getting killed while he would age, grow old and hopefully die as an old man happy in his home. There were so many things she couldn’t give him….  
“I like you too. A lot. It’s just that we don’t know each other for that long and…”  
“Doll, it’s been 6 months..”

“I know, but for me that is nothing. I haven’t been close to someone like this in many many years and I don’t want to take away your chance to be will a real girl.” 

Bucky sat up, pulling her closer. “What are you talking about? You are real. And I don’t want to wait for someone else when I like you.” He kissed her forehead, she leaned into him, letting the tears run down that had gathered. 

“oh no no, don’t cry, love.” He kissed her cheek, hugging her close. 

“You know what doll?” 

She shook her head against his shoulder.

“Why not try this for now. We don’t need to think about the future. Let’s just enjoy this and see where it goes, okay?” He shushed her, rubbing small circles into her back.

“I’d like that.” She said, pulling away and cleaning the last remaining tears. 

“Okay.” He kissed her cheek, holding her for a little bit longer. 

“It’s late, doll. Let’s get some breakfast, hm?” He turned her face to take a good look at her, kissing her cheek once more.   
She nodded again, smiling softly before standing up and pulling him with her to his feet. 

“Thank you, James.” She whispered, getting on her toes to kiss him again. 

________________________  
It had been late indeed. It was close to 3 pm when the two entered to group floor and gathered in greetings to made some breakfast/ lunch food. On the couch, Natasha was watching the two with a knowing grin. She stretched out her hand towards a grumpy looking Sam. 

“I told you it would happen before the end of the month.” She took the $20 bill he handed over and slid it into her pocket.

Bucky had just gathered the drinks and palates on his tray to carry it outside when FRIDAY chimed up. 

“Miss, Y/n there is a woman waiting for you in the lobby.” 

Y/n was outside on the balcony, Bucky brought the foods to the table. “ Doll, there is someone for you downstairs.” 

She looked up from her book.” What? Did they say who?” She helped him to place all the items on the table.

“No, just that it is a woman.” Y/n looked at her phone but she had received no messages.   
Bucky was about to suggest something when she took a deep breath and sat up straight. Her eyes were looking into the off, slightly unfocused. She hastily got up, 

“I gotta go down quickly. Can you bring this back inside, please? To my room if possible and let down the blinds.” She quickly walked inside and opened the door to the walk-in cooler, re-emerging with a vail full of blood. “ And take this upstairs, too.” She kissed him quickly, a grin of anticipation on her lips. “ I’ll be back real quick.” She walked to the elevator with hasty steps, excited to meet whoever waited for her.   
___________________________________

When the doors of the elevator opened, Y/n had to take a few seconds to recognize her against the sleek white furniture of the stark lobby. Like a chameleon her light appearance had merged with the background, making her had to make out. Only the black sunglasses gave a clue to where she was.   
White skin was covered by as much fabric as possible, a while leather jacket, gloves, and long tight jeans all matching her beached appearance. Her snow-white hair was long, some strands were braided, some gathered in dreads covering her face as much as possible. Only the black trolly she had with her destroyed the harmony of her appearance. She quickly spotted y/n, flashing her white teeth in a bright smile. She was like pure light, yet cold as ice.

“Eve, what are you doing here!” Y/n pulled her into a tight hug. 

“Are you not happy to see me, sister dear?” She asked. Her face was as bright and sharp as ever. Unique features, cheekbones sharp enough to get cut by them. A serine, eternal beauty.

“You know that’s not true Eve. But it’s midday if you hadn't been careful.” Y/n was quickly shushed by her. Eve took off her glasses, revealing her green, piercing eyes. 

“Don’t try to teach me how to survive, dear. You are too young to speak of experience.” The blond gently held Y/n ‘s cheek. She sniffed the air, grinning at the younger woman.  
“Is that him I smell on you?” She chuckled “ What a divine source. You can count yourself lucky.”

Y/n felt her cheeks heat up “ Oh, it’s not like that. We don’t….”

“ Really? What a shame” Eve kissed her cheek. “Don’t be embarrassed now. Let me meet him first. I would have told you in advance about my visit but I didn’t want you to prepare too much for me.” She caressed Y/n ‘s cheek.

Y/n simply nodded and showed her the way towards the elevator. Once inside Eve let out a sigh. “ Finally, I was beginning to tire from sun exposure.” She leaned against the wall.

“I asked James to darken my room and take some substance up for you. O negative, right?” Y/n took the trolly from her and let her towards her rooms. Eve chuckled lightly “ Darling, you are too good to me.” 

Bucky heard steps outside and opened the apartment door, spotting the two advancing towards him. He wasn’t sure who he was expecting to meet but Eve’s appearance certainly surprised him. She carried herself with a sense of grace he had never seen before. Like a ghost, she had an aura that told tales of many ages gone by. 

Y/n gave him a chasted his, thanking him for his help. He stepped aside to let the two women in. “ Ah, you must be James, Y/n told me much about you.” Eve smiled up at him with an unexpected kindness. “ yes, It’s nice to meet you-” 

“Eve” She stretched out her gloved hand. “ I am Adam’s wife. Y/n’s sister in law.”


	21. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early update this time because I have to manage my turnip bussiness in Animal Crossing NH.

There was a strange feeling of familiarity among them in the cool, darkened room. Bucky felt how Eve watched his every move with a sly smile on her thin lips. Her bright, cat-like eyes followed him, analyzing, calculating. If Y/n was a kitten, Eve was a lioness. Her experience and knowledge were expressed through every word and gesture. She knew exactly what she was doing and registered everything around her in particles of a second. A deadly grace.

  
The woman in white leaned forward, placing both of her elbows slowly onto the empty table space in front of her. She folded her fingers and leaned her face onto them, it was her first movement since she settles into her seat. She focused on Y/n, effectively stopping her from taking another sip of her coffee. She slowly lifted the mug from her lips and placed it back in front of her. The sudden stop made Bucky pause as well. 

“I want you to meet the New York council,” Eve said. The statement hung in the air, no one dared to move, waiting for a reaction from Y/n. The younger woman searched for a hint of gist in Eve’s expression, anything that would assure her that she was just joking. It sounded like a stupid idea. Why would she go and meet the council when she was this close to blowing her people's cover. 

Y/n huffed, but Eve didn’t move the slightest. “You can’t be serious.” She slowly shook her head. 

“I am most serious. You have always pulled yourself out of the community and is a good time to get into contact and take advice on how to handle your situation. “

Buck was looking between the two, trying to at least understand a little bit of what the two were talking about. 

Y/n exhaled “ I have never contacted the council because I don’t want to get involved. You know that! And I won’t say anything about them because I will not tell the press about who or what I am. “ 

  
“So you are still denying. Live among humans and not your kind even though it pains you and puts you in danger.” Eve concluded. She observed how the younger woman looked down, eyes focused on her lap. “ Very well. But them be sure to know that we will not take you in when you...arrangement” She gestured around the room “won’t work out.” 

Y/n bit her lip, looking back up at Eve with a stern look. “ I am aware.” 

The white woman nodded, smiling suddenly. “ Then we can move onto the next point.” The build-up tension the room slowly subsided. Y/n went back to her coffee and leaned back.

Bucky jumped a little when a pale cold hand settled on his forearm. Eve gave him a kind, yet calculated smile. “ Will you be a darling and bring me my luggage.” She asked him sweetly. 

He simply nodded, too overwhelmed by the whole situation to speak. Both women looked after him. Eve stood and gestured him to place it on the sofa. She slowly opened the zipper. 

“Now darling sister, did you expect me to arrive without a gift?” She grinned at Y/n, pulling out a black garment bag. 

“No, Eve. Have you gone mad?” Y/n stood up and ran into the other woman's arms. Eve chuckled, pushing her off. “ Don’t thank me before you saw it.” She looked over to Bucky who they both seemed to have forgotten. “I am a very traditional woman, so can I kindly ask the devilishly handsome gentleman to leave? We need to discuss a few things and try this in. I am sure you will see her in it soon enough and out of it not long after.” Eve grinned, making him blush deeply. “ Yes- yes sure.” He kissed Y/n on the forehead. “I’ll be over at my place.” He whispered Y/n nodded smiling shyly. 

  
Eve watched him and waited until the door was pulled closed behind him and his footsteps became quieter. She carried Y/n cheek “ I cannot believe how will strong you have to be around him. In all my years I have not smelled someone so good. vital.” Her pupils widened with lust. 

“I think it’s the serum.” Y/n mumbled, “ It just…..makes him better, sweeter.” she felt awkward talking about him like he was some kind of object, describing his taste like wine.

  
“So you did drink from him.” Eve pointed out as she started to unzip the garment bag. 

“Yes- but it was an emergency.” Y/n answered as she began to undress. But she stopped quickly when she saw what her sister in the law revealed from the bag. 

A crimson gown, matt fabric, beautifully worked. It was an off-shoulder dress with a soft flowing bottom and a cut at the side. “Oh Eve, you are positively mad.” The blonde chuckled.   
“Don’t act like this is the biggest thing I have done for you.” She helped Y/n out of her clothes and slowly pulled the dress over her head. “ And he has to make sure you look good when you make him yours.” She kissed her shoulder and closed up the zipper. 

  
It fit perfectly, the sleek fabric stretched over her skin.   
“Perfect.” Eve admired her, then she pulled another smaller bag out of her luggage. 

“I assume your mate had a fitting suit but to make sure that you match.” She revealed a tie made out of the same fabric. “I can’t have you two go out and not look perfect. You are a representative after all, even if you don’t like it. “

Y/n stopped, she turned around to face Eve. “ Eve I-”  
But she was swiftly stopped “ You don’t have to explain yourself. You have never really been with us and that is fine. “She adjusted the dress straps “ I just want to make sure you are safe and the council has been keeping us safe and alive for centuries.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be safe and sound for eternity. Maybe I just want to be happy….”  
Y/n let her fingers glide over the sleek fabric of the red tie.

  
“I want you to know that I support you, no matter what life you choose. And if it is happiness and humanity that you are looking for…..with him you are as close to it as it gets.” Eve gently pushed her chin up to look at her. “I think he loves you. Not despite what you are but because you are you.”

  
__________  
In the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning, it was hard to tell, Bucky heard the soft click of his bedroom door opening. He stirred but didn’t look up to see who it was. His question was swiftly answered when the bed behind him dipped and a pair of arm embraced him from behind it a futile attempt to hug him. His broad shoulder blocked the space so that the arm hardly even reached around his waist. It made him chuckle low 

“What are you doing, Doll?” He mumbled, Y/n still trying to hug him properly.   
“I wanna hug you. Let you be the small spoon.” She whispered with a slight aggravation in her voice. Bucky turned around, pulling her into her chest. “ I think this would be more like a teaspoon against trowel.” He rested his head on top of hers, effectively trapping her under him. “ I like this better anyway. “ She grinned and kissed his collarbone. 

Bucky felt a surge of electricity, his nerves shooting from the small gesture. He let her go to take a look at her face. Her eyes were fully blown, her lower lip swollen, a slight tinge on her cheeks. She kissed him, moving from his mouth along his jaw, peppering kisses along the way. Bucky tried to stifle a moan but failed miserably. It made her chuckle, moving back to his lips and deeply. He stopped her after a few seconds. 

  
“A-are you drunk?” He asked her, noticing the alcoholic and overly sweet taste on her tongue. She wanted to pursue her journey along his jaw but Bucky stopped her, he wouldn’t let her do something she might regret later, much less take advantage of her in her intoxicated state. She frowned but then started giggling. “ A little bit….” She moved in to kiss him again but he blocked her. “A little?” She looked down at fingers, attempting to count the number of drinks she had had. “ Like this” She showed him both of her hands. “ This many. “ She placed her hands on each side of his face trying to kiss him again. 

  
“Doll,..” She wouldn’t stop, mumbling something about drinks and his hair. “Y/n, doll, stop.” He managed to stop her, his right hand resting against her cheek.   
“I think we should just go to sleep. You aren’t yourself. Let's just rest.” He kissed her cheek, leaning over her to grab the blanket from the side of the bed and tuck her in.   
She inhaled deeply when he was above her, closing her eyes” Oh god, you smell so good. so delicious.” She felt him stop, looking down at her. 

“Doll you don’t know what you are talking about” He tried his best to hide his arousal.   
“No, you are the best I ever had. Every drop tastes dull since you let me feed on you.” She confessed, suddenly much soberer than before. “ But I can’t have more. You are not my supply.” She huffed, turning away from him. 

Bucky was still frozen in place, comprehending what she had just told him. They were dancing around each other again, both interested and yet too shy to confess what they wanted.

He laid down next to her, facing her back “ What if I want to give it to you.” He said into the silent room. It took a moment but then Y/n turned around swiftly a frown on her face.

“ You are joking.” She stared at him.

“I-” He took a deep breath “ I uh… I kinda like it….” He blushed deeply, embarrassed to confess to her. She was still staring at him. “ It feels good. Knowing that it is my blood that keeps you going…..I… I think it’s hot. “ He shrugged, looking away. Hopefully, she was too drunk to remember this conversation in the morning. 

  
Her blank stare turned into a wicked grin. Slowly and without breaking eye contact she took his wrist and brought it to her lips. “ I guess I could go for a midnight snack, huh?” She asked, kissing his pulse point. Bucky, felt his arousal growing, pushing against the fabric of his boxers. He answered her question with a stifled moan. 

It gave her the okay to continue, kissing the veins on his wrist. Bucky was breathing heavily, unable to comprehend the situation through his clouded mind. 

Slowly and teasingly Y/n pushed out her fangs against his skin, piercing it and making him hiss both in pain and pleasure. He had been sucked off before but nothing ever felt as good as this. His metal hand traveled down his body into his boxers to take care of his erection. The two never broke eye contact while she drank from his wrist. Just when he close to cum, lightheadedness set in, his eyes rolled back, and with the feeling of her tongue gliding over the wound he felt and organism move through his body.   
Bucky came back to his senses, cursing quietly and trying to get his breath back to normal. Y/n was watching him, grinning happily at his pleasure. The cockiness the alcohol gave her would surely be gone in the morning but she was happy and content with how things had just played out.  
After a few minutes Bucky came back from the bathroom, clean, happy, and tired he settles back down next to her. Y/n watched him with a gentle smile, “ Are you good?” 

He huffed a laugh “ Very much so.” Facing her and kissing her, tasting the slight iron taste on her lips. 

“I am so lucky.” He pulled her against his chest and both were quickly fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DM if that is possible on here to connect on ac :) I'd love to trade with you.


	22. don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mid week chapter!

The next morning Y/n woke up in a haze, last night's events still having their toll on her, the liquid poison had faded away, leaving her weak and aching. The soft pitter-patter of rain against the tall glass structure of the building brought her back to consciousness. It was a cloudy and greyish morning, little light reached through the half-closed blinds. With a small sigh, she let her head sink back into the soft pillow, hoping to get a little more peace before having to face the world once more. Her legs were covered by the comforter that rested on her and the broad figure whose arm was once again draped over her hip. He was still fast asleep, softly snoring, his warm breath tickling the hairs on her neck. The sound mixed nicely with the rain outside. There was no better word to describe the scene other than cozy. Just on the brink of slumber Y/n was disturbed by an obnoxiously loud sound next to her.   
On the bedside table a phone rang with some generic alarm sound, the accompanying vibrations made it scatter over the wooden surface of the table.  
With a groan Y/n reached out for it, hoping to shut the alarm and continue their slumber. She leaned over the side of the bed, eyes only half open, Bucky shuffled due to the lack of warmth against his front. She pushed whatever stupid colorful symbol on the flat-screen making the device shut up. She laid down on her back, draping his arm over her hip once again to resume where they were interrupted.   
But it didn’t last long before a small “Hello?” came through the phone's speakers. It was a male voice, slightly confused and it sounded like they were moving around. Who would call her in the morning? No one ever called her, accept her brother. He could be calling her to inform her that Eve arrived safely from her night flight.   
Sighing once again she reached out for the device.   
“Hmm?” She placed the phone next to her on the pillow, too lazy to actually hold it. 

The slight commotion woke Bucky. He opened his eyes, blinking at her before laying back down with his head on her shoulder. 

“Buck? Where are you, pal?” Y/n furrowed her eyebrows. Why would Adam call her to ask for Bucky?....

“What? I-” But before she had the chance to look at the caller ID displayed on the phone next to her, it was snatched away by a metal fist, moving with incredible speed. Bucky sat up, rubbing is face suddenly he was wide awake. 

“Steve, hey.” 

Steve….? Oh shit. Y/n covered her face in embarrassment. This wasn’t her room, not her bed, and certainly not her phone on that table. The sudden movement made the pain in her head erupt once more. That’s right, she remembered, drinking with Eve was never a good idea and always repaid itself with a major hangover. She pulled the blanket over her facing, maybe it would help her disappear and stop the hammering in her skull but she doubts it. 

“No, no- Uh, I know where she is- mhm, yeah.” She didn’t need to look at him to know how red his face must be. Caught in bed with a girl, a teammate nonetheless, surely it must have embarrassed him.   
“Yeah, I… I’ll tell her. We will be down in a few- yeah.” He hung up, the phone clinked against the wooden surface on his side, where he set the phone down. He was chuckling quietly, holding the bridge of his nose. 

Bucky looked behind him on the bed, Y/n's figure was badly hidden under the covers, he threw his pillow at her, making her groan. 

“Fuuuuuuuuucccc-” She took the pillow, pressing it against her face, murmuring some curses into it. 

“Next time, don’t just go around and answer other people's phones, okay?” He chuckled, with the pillow still pressed to her face he couldn’t make out whatever explanation she tried to give him other than a few curses in between. 

He got up, put on a shirt, and shuffled towards the kitchenette. He opened the overhead cabin, taking a glass, and filled it with water. 

“How are you feeling?”  
He asked towards the bedroom door. His question was answered with yet another tiered groan, muffled by his pillow. 

“That’s what I thought.” He grinned to himself, opening another cabin to grab some pain killers.  
He paused, looking at the wound on his wrist. He remembered how romanized the bite marks looked in that teen movie Sam made him watch. Two little prick marks with just the smallest amount of blood running down the side. But even with his super healing, the reality was much different. The fangs were to no means the only teeth that pierced the skin, they simply helped to establish a grip on the victims' skin, hold it in place to that she could drink without slipping up. Around the two marks where she had cut through the skin was an imprint of the teeth of her upper jaw. They had fully cut through the skin but marked it, leaving bruises and smaller ones with the imprint of her lower jaw. The skin around it was tender, red, and even purple in some places.

Bucky carried both medicine and the water over to the bedside table next to her. He removed the pillow from her face and pulled away the sheet but she held onto it, resisting to let it go.

“No, too bright.” She squeezed her eyes shut, another wave of pain hit her.

“I’ve got some ibuprofen. It’ll help in a bit.” He sat down on the side of the bed, slowly pulling the sheet away. Y/n opened her eyes, blinking against the seemingly too bright light. She groaned again, taking the glass and sipping on it slowly. Bucky watched her with an amused look.

“Stop laughing at me.” She mumbled, taking the pill in her mouth and swallowing it with a bit of water.

“Sorry, I simply assumed that over the last 300 years you had figured out how drinking and hangover correlated.” 

“ Oh my god, leave me along with your stupid clever words. I want to sleep.” She finished the rest of the drink and laid back down. 

“Not an option, Doll. Steve said that Tony wants to see you downstairs in 20 min. You already missed two meetings for tonight's event.” 

“Jesus… Why didn’t my alarm- Oh right, wrong room…” She sat up, looking around the room for her belongings. 

“I guess I’ll see you downstairs then. Thanks for the medicine. ” She collected her handbag and shoes. 

“Uh, wait. Before you go, could you…” Bucky nodded towards his bruised wrist. 

Y/n ‘s eyes widened “ Oh shit, of course. I forget to clean up, sorry.” She sat back down on the bedside, pulling his wrist into her lap. Silence filled the room.

“How much… What do you remember from last night?” He asked, watching her bite the skin on the side of her thumb, gently pressing it onto his wrist.

“ You mean how you confessed your fetish to me and came while I drank?” She grinned at him challengingly.

“Uh- yeah.” He looked away.

“ I don’t mind it. It’s just… new.” She cleaned off the access blood with a cloth. Kissing the now fully healed wound.  
“All new. Sorry for not doing it sooner. I hope it didn’t hurt too much.” 

“No, don’t worry about it.” She stood up and resumed her search for the items that she had scattered around his room in her drunken hurry.

After Bucky had left the two women, Y/n had offered her sister in law to rest in her rooms. Traveling in daylight took its toll on her even if she wouldn’t admit it. They went out after nightfall to see the city and have a couple of drinks. It had been quite some time since Eve had last seen New York but over her countless years on this earth, she had visited plenty of sites and knew her way around. Back in the late 1880’s Eve and she had shared an apartment just outside of Queens when Adam had first started his new musical passion project in the New York scene. They enjoyed a kind of sisterhood neither of them had experienced with their real siblings and it created a strong bond that still connected the two. Eve’s knowledge of this world and everything that had ever been here since the Romans conquered England never disappointed Y/n and Eve made sure to share her experiences now and then. She had been born when the belief in the old gods still dominated the northern hemisphere and had been traveling ever since. It came to no surprise that she also knew the best bars in New York and how to enter them without any reservation. They had a drink, a couple more, and went for a stroll around a few blocks before Eve had to leave once again. The sudden visit of her sister had been a kind blessing for Y/n but her hasty departure left a gaping hole that only Bucky could close. 

“I’ll see you later then?” She had collected all her things and folded her jacket on the bed next to where Bucky sat and watched her. 

“Yeah, Tony said that he organized everything regarding ‘my case’ “ He air quoted “ I’ll be around but won’t be allowed into the conference with you. Ross is apparently afraid that I might snap in his presence, so I am not allowed to be around him.” He sighed, his gaze fixed on his metal arm. 

“Hey, don’t be sad. I don’t want this either. The party is the only thing that will keep me alive throughout the whole thing.” Y/n gave him a weak smile, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. Her eyes widened and she gasped “ I nearly forgot about this!” She started looking for something in her handbag, moving things around before pulling out a piece of red fabric.   
“Eve got this for you.” She handed him the crimson tie, it’s sleek finish creating an astonishing contrast against the shiny metal.   
“It’s the same color as the dress so that we match.” She smiled proudly as he inspected it. 

“Wow, this is…. must have cost quite a sum…” He let the tie slide through his fingers. 

“She got it covered, don’t worry.” Y/n glanced at her phone, realizing how late she was, once again. “Gotta go.” She cupped his face and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. “ See you later, I lo- I’ll see you later.” She gave him a tight smile before leaving through the wooden door.


	23. think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up to be around 5k so I split in into two chapters. The other half will be uploaded around Tuesday
> 
> Please enjoy :)
> 
> this chapter has a song from the playlist : Take care- Tom Rosenthal  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5QIkWpgfZHlhUBI099FWnC?si=4CbOlgT7RVy8QZ642All6A

The rain hadn’t stopped. It simply moved upstate being her sole companion on the long drive in the pitch-black night. Y/n sniffled, grabbing the crumpled tissue that rested on the middle console of her car. Only 40 miles left till she would reach her destination, the only place she knew she could run to and hide for however long she needed to.

The meeting had started so well. Y/n was confident that she would withstand the reporters' questions, the doubts, and traps they had laid out for her. Tony had prepared the whole ordeal. He wrote her a script that featured every possible detail of her ‘life’, prepared to sell them on the story. 

It worked out surprisingly well. Y/n had learned it by heart, kept notes for any further questions that might come up. Steve told her that he was proud of her, his big hand resting on her shoulder, shaking her in a friendly manner. He had smiled at her for the first time, an honest smile of joy that reached his eyes. He was happy for them, the awkward events from the said morning were quickly dismissed. His best friend found someone that gave him joy, hope… All those things that Bucky had lacked for so long. 

_ “Hell, yeah!” Sam cheered, sneaking his arms around her waist. He lifted her into the air and swirled her around, making her laugh just as loudly. “You showed them. Damn!” He sat her down, giving her another pat on the shoulder. “Barnes is so lucky.”  _

_ “Steve exited the room after them, watching the two act like giddy children. It was true, she stayed incredibly calm, professionally answering every question and didn’t let the teasing and pesky questions get to her. The whole story had been amplified by the media, half-truths circulated, gossip spread but she wasn’t phased by it, or if she was, she didn’t show it. _

_ “Sam is right, you did very well.” Steve stopped behind her, making her turn around and look at him in awe. It was the first time he openly complimented her. “ Sam if you don’t mind…” Steve nodded towards him, quietly asking him to leave them for a moment.  _

_ The blonde collected his thoughts and took a deep breath before speaking : _

_ “ I wanted to apologize to you.” He looked away, watching the reporters leave though the one-way glass before focusing on her again. “I mistreated you out of fear for my position. When we found you and hired you to be part of the team I had to sign in my name and status to assure that we keep you… contained. The fact that I had to take the responsibility for any mistake you might make made me overly critical and I treated you wrong.”  _

_ He watcher her face, the way her eyes started to water at his confession. “I want to apologize for that. You have proven yourself, multiple times and the fact is that you and Bucky got so close… I don’t want to be in the way, you know.”  _

_ She simply nodded.  _

_ “Buck is very important to me. He is like my brother and if you make him happy, I am happy for both of you.” He smiled softly. Y/n quickly pulled him into a hug, her face pressed against his shoulder. He was a little stunned first. He didn’t expect such a reaction from her, but he placed his arms around her as well, holding her close. “Thank you, truly.” She whispered barely audible.  _

The rain got stronger. It hammered against her windshield, faster than she could wipe away, making it nearly impossible to see. Y/n cursed. She was angry sure, but not stupid and so she decided to take the closest exit, hoping that she would stop somewhere on the side of the road till the weather calmed down. 

She parked her car. covering her face with her hands, the complicated makeup she had put on didn’t matter anymore. The black heels on the shotgun seat didn’t either. She stared out into the pitch black dark, the crops on the side of the street danced in the whistling wind. She sighed, was this a mistake? Had she reacted to quickly and too harshly? Maybe her emotions had made her irrational...

No, she decided, it was the right thing to do. He deserved something normal, a chance to finally fit into society again, not another odd chapter. 

_ Her heels clicked against the polished hardwood floor. It was nothing she had ever experienced before but often dreamed about as a child. The balls and banquets of the higher class, rich and beautiful people lingering, dancing, and talking about art and politics. The closest she got to them was when a noblewoman once visited their market. She had just set up the table, placed her father’s baked good on the worn wooden surface when the lady had looked her in the eyes. She was covered in beautiful fabrics and jewelers and she bought a loaf of bread. She gave the little girl more than three times the needed price and Y/n had proudly presented the shiny coin to her mother.  _

_ Now she knew what it must have felt like to go to those parties.  _

_ A few people noticed her entrance, the color of her dress stood out between the multitude of black and white suits and dresses. The slit of the dress revealed her left leg up to her knee, the red fabric cascaded down her curves and came to a stop just before it would brush against the floor. The detailed front had a wavy pattern sewn into it, decorating her bust. The low cut exposed her neck and collar bones, the sleeves held onto her by the lower part of her shoulders. It was truly beautiful and she promised herself to thank Eve for it once more when the occasion would arise.  _

_ Y/n scanned the room for familiar faces but it was harder than she had expected. Tony used the event to show off his wealth and contacts, who would have guessed. But what did come to a surprise was that he invited all kinds of shield officials and personal, from high ranking officers and commanders to the agents in training that Sam helps to school.  _

_ “Ah, the Lady of the evening.” A loud booming voice somewhere to her right said. She looked said direction and was met with the bearded face of a nearly gigantic man. She thought Steve and Bucky were big but he…. His eyes held a kind warmth, a gentle smile was hidden by a thick but groomed beard. This must be Thor she realized. They hadn't met before but she had overheard some conversation between Steve and Sam that the Asgardian had resumed his work on his homeworld. She smiled at him nervously, not certain how to approach such a grand figure.  _

_ Eve had told her the stories of her gods and Thor had been always present.  _

_ “I- It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She nodded, a shy smile on her lips. She didn’t dare to look him in the eyes but he quickly offered his hand, she took it gently, Thor lifted it to his lips and blew a kiss on her knuckles.  _

_ “Your companion told me a great deal about you, m’lady.” Thor looks at her with an expression close to proudness.  _

_ “My companion?” She questioned. _

_ “The frozen warrior, a fine fighter. We talked and he told about your abilities. I assumed you are courting.”  _

_ “Oh yes we- I think so.” She took his arm as Thor offered her to take the conversation to am more private area before continuing  _

_ “ The abilities you have, they are close to a curse that the ancient tribe of Vannaheim created to reach eternal life.” He paused to collect these thoughts. Y/n watched him intently, she felt the color drain from her face. _

_ “At some point, it must have been passed onto your human ancestors and spread from there. I am not certain of this but I felt like it might be of interest to you.” He placed his hands on hers, petting them gently.  _

_ “I- thank you but I don’t know what to say to that…. If it’s true.” She stuttered. Y/n had speculated over the origins of her condition many times. In the end, she had written it off as a mistake by nature. Somewhere somehow the virus was created, one little bit of DNA had changed and it resulted in the viral substance that now ran through her veins.  _

_ She wondered how her life would have played out if she hadn’t gotten into contact with it. She would have gotten married, carried a few children, and died a normal death somewhere a few centuries ago. That is the most likely outcome but then again she was dying when Adam came back to her. She would have died a few hours, maybe days after. At his point in time, her body would be somewhere in an unmarked grave but it would probably have turned into a field by now, a place to grow crops, corn…. _

_ It was the way natural lives progressed. But she was supernatural, she would never get a chance to enjoy such a simple life. It was taken from her a good 370 years ago. _

_ Thor gently took her hand and started leading her to one of the many bars. “I think you should go and see your friends. I am sure your suitor is waiting to see you.” She followed his lead without question. Thor was right, the two had last seen each other in the morning. Y/n had texted him after the meeting finished but it was nothing important and nowhere near a real conversation. _

_ Bucky was staring into his drink. The conversations around him didn’t interest him too much. Sam had brought along some young trainee agents that were all too giddy to meet the legendary winter soldier. It turned out to be a rather awkward conversation. The blonde, Charlotte if the remembered correctly wouldn’t stop praising him, his ‘ sacrifice for the American people’. She hadn't left his side and tried to engage in conversation with him again and again but he didn’t do much but nod politely.  _

_ He watched the last ice cube melt away when he heard the click of heels in a significant rhythm, Y/n was approaching.  _

_ “It must have been so hard to adjust to modern society. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like. You seem so confident in using all this technology it’s really impressive. How you-” Charlotte was leaned towards him, her long blond ponytail was placed over her shoulder, brushing against his arm. He put a hand up to stop her.  _

_ “I’m sorry. I gotta go. Thank you for the conversation.” He said while standing up from the table and closing the front of his suit. He was dressed in a black suit and a dress shirt. The crimson tie was tucked back behind his jacket. He gave the girl next to him a tight smile but his eyes were already trained on the woman approaching him. He couldn't help but grin, impressed by her beauty and so happy to finally be around her again. But his big smile faltered quickly when he looked into her eyes. They were wide open, shock was written over her face, a feeling of being lost in the crowd.  _

_ Bucky maneuvered around the chairs and tables to meet her and find out what had upset her. He saw Thor lead her towards him. _

It had been a good 10 minutes since she stopped driving, waiting for the rain to stop. Y/n had closed her eyes in hopes that the sounds of the rain against her roof would help her to calm down but it was to no avail. She was disturbed by the hum of her phone, resting in her handbag on the seat behind her. It was another text. The buzzing had been going on nonstop after she took off but over the multiple hour-long drive it had slowly died down. Only a few texts were coming in. Wanda and Sam must have stopped reaching her and after about 30 missed calls Bucky must have given up as well. 

She was sorry for hurting them but her decision would be the best for everyone in the end. 


	24. that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 :) 
> 
> You're Gonna Break My Heart Tonight - Tom Odell   
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5y9b65dSxULwCiQRLgzO21?si=Wy6WYy1dRUOiiOHeKCIo0A
> 
> pleasedonthateme...

“ _ Hey, Doll” Bucky quickly pulled her into a tight hug. “ What’s wrong?” He released her again, his hand placed on her cheek, turning her face towards him to get a good look at her.  _

_ “I’m okay… Thor just…” She was fighting to stay calm and not burst into tears. She felt trapped around all of these people. They were so careless, enjoying themselves when she felt so weak, completely out of place.  _

_ “I told her about Vannaheim.” Thor stated, he had taken a step back, giving them the space they needed “ It seems like I chose a bad moment.” He didn’t mean to cause her to feel bad, bring up so many emotions. _

_ “No, Thor thank you. It’s just a lot to take into. “ She told him. It was true. After such a long and stressful day all she wanted was to go to bed once again and cuddle up to Bucky, forget about the world, and their troubles.  _

_ “ Today was a lot, huh?” Bucky caressed the skin along her neck and under her chin. Y/n simply nodded, too tired to speak. All of her energy had been drained, leaving her tired and aggregated. _

_ Thor nodded, saying his goodbyes and making his way to the other guests. _

_ “Are you sure you want to stay here? We can leave if you prefer that.” Bucky offered. When she didn’t say anything, watching the dancing couples around them, he placed a small kiss on her cheek. He leaned towards her ear, kissing her just below the jaw.  _

_ “You look fantastic, sweetheart.” He succeeded in cheering her up, at least somewhat. She giggled, being ticklish there, and leaned away from him, his arms remaining around her waist.  _

_ “James, stop. We are in public.” She moved her face away when he tried to kiss her again. _

_ “True, but I missed you and that dress is driving me crazy.” He whispered, growling slightly. _

_ Y/n took a step back, her fingers skimmed along the edges of his freshly trimmed beard. He could be so unbearably charming she thought. It was as if he lost all of his baggage, the last 70 years erased from his mind and what remained was the flirty Sargent looking for the next lady to dance with. She liked him that way but it also awoke an unusual fear in her. She wasn’t the only woman around and the others certainly weren’t blind to his looks and charms. It made her uncomfortable, she felt like this, them.. it was wrong. _

_ Y/n huffed a weak laugh “ Maybe later..” She looked up at him with a small smile.  _

_ “Come, I’ll get you a drink.” Bucky led her to the table where he had abandoned his whiskey. It had turned watery by now, all ice cubes had melted away, leaving a colorless border on top of the brown liquid. The table had cleared with most of the guests moving elsewhere only the blond girl Charlotte and her short-haired friend, what was it? Ashley? remained at the table. They were talking to each other, both of them sneaking a glance at Bucky and Y/n.  _

_ Bucky looked around, hoping to find another table, somewhere quieter where the two could talk in private. Just when he saw a smaller table by the side of the bar, Charlotte threw her hand up, waving to Bucky and pointing at the empty seats at their table.  _

_ “Do they know you?” Y/n asked, tugging at his hand. He saw the conflict in her eyes. She didn’t want to sit with them, with anyone for that matter. But she knew that it would be more than rude to openly ignore the two.  _

_ “Some of Sam’s trainees. They are nice but a little chatty.” He told her, his thumb moved over the back of her hand in slow calming circles. “ Is it okay to sit there? You don’t have to if you want to go somewhere private.” He whispered to her.  _

_ Y/n watched the two girls for a little. They seemed nice, possibly a little naive but it seemed wrong to judge them before having talked to them. “No, it’s fine. I should talk to other people, get to know someone.” She nodded but it was meant more to herself.  _

_ “I’ll get us a drink, then. I’ll be back in just a second.” Bucky gave her another chaste kiss on the cheek before leaving to talk to the bartender.  _

_ Y/n looked after him for a little bit. Suddenly everything around her seemed louder and bigger. Was she going to have a panic attack in the middle of a Stark party? Hopefully not. Was everything just too much to take in? Absolutely. The best comparison she could think about was a baby at a birthday party. It sounds absurd but it was the best example. It wasn’t per se that she felt negative emotions, only that everything was too much too handle and she simply wanted rest. It made her anxious, overly sensitive.  _

_ “Hey, Hi!” Y/n was ripped out of her thoughts by a high pitched voice. She realized that she was still standing there in the passageway between the tables and the bar. Charlotte was still waving at her to sit down with them.  _

_ With a quick step, Y/n walked over to the two girls. Great first impression to stand starring in the middle of a crowd she thought. It was round table with 6 seats, only two taken. Charlotte was sitting next to the empty sat that was only decorated with the watery whiskey. Bucky must have sat there, Y/n deduced. Ashley was sitting two seats away from her wich left Y/n with the option to either sit next to her or in the awkward space opposite to Charlotte. This whole seating thing was truly an introvert's nightmare.  _

_ She sat down opposite the blond. Charlotte had her eyes trained on her, observing her every move with a nice, but a somehow fake smile on her lips. _

_ “You must be Y/n, right? Oh wow, it’s so great to finally meet you in person.” She beamed at her. Ashley was tapping her nails against her glass, a similar look on her face. _

_ Y/n was a little stunned, unsure of how to react to her. “ Yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you, too.” She answered with fake confidence.  _

_ “Where did you leave that gorgeous man of yours.” Ash teased her, wiggling her eyebrow before taking a sip from her drink. _

_ “He is getting some drinks for us.” Y/n said, nodding to her statement. _

_ All three watched as he gracefully balanced the glasses in his hands, avoiding collision with multiple dancing guests, like he was dancing as well. _

_ “You are so lucky.” Charlotte placed her arm on the table, her head resting on her fist. She let out a long sigh. “ I wish I would meet someone like him: tall, strong, kind. “ She kept her gaze locked on him. Her look was off like she was lost in a dreamy haze, imagining her life with him at her side. How she would feel being at his side, cutting out Y/n face and putting in hers instead.  _

_ “I’m sure the right man is waiting for you somewhere.” Y/n offered her. She felt a tinge of jealousy. It felt weird to see others fantasizing about their life with her boyfriend, it awoke a bad side in her. What if a life with her would fit him better. Charlotte was young, she looked about the same age as herself. But compared to her the brown-eyed girl in front of her was real.  _

_ Real in a sense that she had a full life ahead of her. _

_ “Maybe…” Charlotte sighed, swirling her drink with her straw, the ice cubes clinking against each other. Ashley didn’t say much, she observed the conversation with a curious look. _

_ Bucky moved behind Y/n, placing the glass with a drink of her choice on the table in front of her.  _

_ “Hello ladies” He smiled at the three, this charm strong as ever. He took the seat between Y/n and the other girl. In an instant, Charlotte was wide awake once more. She sat up straight, and her face brightened up. Y/n couldn't bring herself to feel jealous. The girl was naive, no doubt in that, but she didn’t mean to upset Y/n. She simply couldn't hide her admiration.  _

_ “I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation. What were you talking about?” He leaned back, looking between the women on both sides over the rim of his glass.  _

_ Charlotte’s eyes widened like a deer in headlights, she turned red and looked at Y/n pleadingly, hoping that she wouldn’t tell him about her crush on him.  _

_ She was cute and held a kind of childlike innocence and wonder that only a few girls had left at her age. It made her smile, she looked at Bucky with a humored grin but didn’t say anything. He furrowed his eyebrows and smirked. _

_ “We were talking about our training here,” Ashley answered to save her friend the embarrassment. She grinned at Y/n knowingly but didn’t say anything else.  _

_ “Yeah, we really like it here. It’s nice that Mr. Stark invited us to this party.” Charlotte beamed.  _

_ Bucky nodded, seemingly accepting their answer. He had easily overheard the whole conversation but he allowed that little lie to pass, it would prevent further embarrassment for everyone included.  _

_ “What made you want to be agents?” He asked them, smugly taking another sip of his drink. He admitted that he enjoyed how the girls squirmed under his gaze. _

_ “Oh um-” Charlotte giggled, brushing away a strand of hair then had freed itself from her braid. “ I always enjoyed shows about spies, you know? Like Kim Possible and like- Oh wait you don’t..” Her face heated up, cheeks now a flushed pink. She was very attractive, Y/n couldn’t deny that. “ But wouldn’t do this job forever you know, just for a bit. Then the normal stuff, find a man, buy a house, have kids. “ She shrugged innocently “ Just the normal stuff all women want.” _

The crops and wide fields slowly changed into the view of old abandoned houses and trees, growing out of the ruins of a once-grand neighborhood. She watched the rotting facades, color peeling off the walls. Nature was claiming back what was originally hers, simply borrowed to the humans and taken back as soon as they left. It wasn’t long before she arrived at the old mansion. The red brick building looked just as bad as she had last seen it. 

It was left in the dark with only a small lamp illuminating the window on the highest level of the tower structure. 

Y/n parked her car on the lawn next to the house. An old cream-colored for Taunus parked there, but it hadn't been moved in a long time for the grass around had grown quite high all around it, framing it in.

Y/n leaned against her seat, she closed her eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. There was no way to predict how Adam would react to seeing her. His moods seemed to change with the weather, ranging from warm brotherly kindness to straight-up hatred.

Y/n got out of the car. She took the bag that rested on the seat behind her and slammed the car door just a little too loud, making sure that Adam noticed her. The dull sound of a bass guitar reached her ears, it was accompanied by the shrill sound of a guitar playing in overdrive. He was recording again, she noticed. The noise came to a sudden stop, she was the curtains in the window move as she made her way to the front door. Adam still hadn’t taken the time to fix the banisters. She moved her fingers along the cracks of the rotting wood, the bumps and curves under her fingers distracted her, taking her focus away from her mind for just a few moments. 

Then the door was ripped open and there he stood.

Dark wild hair framed his face, a stark contrast against his pale skin. He was dressed in his dark striped morning robe, it was loosely closed by the belt around his waist, his black pants were too long, touching the floor around his nacked feet. He wore that old necklace that Eve gave him, it rested against his chest and collarbone. They stared at each other. Adam looked both bored and annoyed, his infamous ever resting bitch face.

“The fuck ‘r you doing here?” He asked plainly, still staring her down.

_ They talked for a little while longer. About anything and everything. Bucky seemed to be back at his old game, telling the girls cheeky stories for old New York, tales of his heroship, anything to impress the girls and he was enjoying it thoroughly. Steve had shown up at some point, joining in on the game. Charlotte and Nancy were listening closely, glued to the men's lips and Y/n felt herself slip away further and further. She sat there silently observing the dancing people, laughing, singing, simply having a good time. She wondered what they were thinking about, what they feared, or wished for their future. It was like a glass box rose around her, She could see the men and woman around her but she wasn’t one of them. She wasn’t like them, not anymore. She looked over to Bucky and Steve, the two were laughing, a kind of joy in their eyes that Y/n hadn’t seen before. This state felt so natural to them, no care about the future, just some beautiful people having fun.  _

_ Y/n looked down at her fingers and noticed how she was shaking, her fingers were wriggling, shaking like leaves in the wind. Never aging, never to decay. She looked up again and everything seemed to move in slow motion and then it hit her.  _

_ It doesn’t matter what she did, who she talked to, liked, hated, assaulted, or loved. In the blink of an eye, they would be gone again, forgotten, and nothing but memories. She was cursed with eternal youth, never-ending loss. So why should she even care? Nothing she did matter in the end, why wasted these humans precious time. They could surely use it on more important things. Y/n blinked, a single tear rolled down her cheek, landing on the table next to her untouched drink.  _

_ “Oh! I love this song” Charlotte gasped, her right hand covering her heart. Y/n looked around, everything was back to normal all of a sudden, time moved correctly once more. _

_ “I wanna dance, please!” She pleaded, her shining eyes moving in between Bucky and Steve.  _

_ Ashley had the same idea but approached the topic much more confidently. She got up, straightened her black dress, and pushed her chair back against the table. She walked a few steps stopping right in front of Steve and stretched out her hand “ Will you dance with me, Captain Rogers?” She wore a straight face but the fine lines of a smile tried to breakthrough. Steve was stunned for a moment, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. He cleared his throat before answering “ Yes, of course.” He placed his hand in Ashely's, his eyes widened when she took the initiative and pulled the man that was much taller than her onto the dance floor. _

_ Charlotte watched after the two with awe. She often wished to have the same charm and confidence as her friend. She was used to being underestimated, reduced to her pretty looks.  _

_ Bucky watched with amusement how the fierce girl took control over the dance, rendering Steve speechless, not used to not being in control. He was enjoying himself, back in his element, he nearly forgot how much fun these kinds of evenings could be.  _

_ “Why don’t you two go and dance.” Y/n offered, hiding her face behind her drink. Charlotte and Bucky both turned towards her with confused looks as if she was offering some illegal services.  _

_ Bucky placed his hand on her knee, inspecting her face for any trace of a lie, a hint at a trap. “Really, Doll?”  _

_ The cute blonde looked between the two, not believing her luck. She waited for Y/n okay, like a child asking her mother for permission to go out and play.  _

_ But Y/n simply shrugged, “Sure, go ahead.” She smiled at the two, the dead expression in her eyes went by unnoticed, at least to Charlie. Bucky wouldn’t ask any questions, she was old enough to know what she was doing.  _

_ Y/n watched them walk off towards the dance floor, Charlotte, grinned proudly at her curly-haired friend. What a nice pair of girls…. _

_ She watched the humans for a little longer, they swirled and danced so lovely, beautiful like the dancing figures on a music box. _

_ She knew what had to be done.  _

_ She started her Thor, the Asgardian was leaned against a wall, conversing with a few other people. He quickly noticed her fierce gaze on him and he understood her silent request to come over and sit with her. He excused himself, walking over to Y/n in long strides then sitting down in the empty seat that Bucky once took.  _

_ Y/n didn’t look at him. Her eyes followed the two figures on the floor in front of her. Thor seemed confused at her behavior, he opened his mouth to speak but paused for a heartbeat, unsure of what to say. _

_ “If you are upset about what I told you, be assured-” _

_ “ No, don’t worry about that.” She cut him off quickly. “I want to ask you something.” Her eyes trained on Bucky and the careless smile on his face. “What do you feel for these humans?” She asked blankly, no emotion in her voice. _

_ The broad man had to think about her question for a few seconds, he was watching the dancers too. “ I don’t know most of these mortals.” He let his eyes roam over a few faces before continuing with his answer. “But I wish for them to be happy,” Thor concluded, he looked at Y/n hoping for any kind of feedback.  _

_ She didn’t look at him but he could see how her lower jaw was quivering ever so slightly. Her face turned into a painted smile, she licked her lips before she started to nod her head up and down in agreement.  _

_ “That’s what I thought.” She threw back her head, downing the drink in one go. Y/n stood up, pulling and tugging her dress back into shape before smiling down at him. “ Thank you, Thor. Have a good night.”  _

_ She walked away swiftly, he could only watch her back, and yet the thick tears that ran down her face made him frown. Just as the doors behind her closed, the song came to a stop and the dancers parted. Bucky’s smile faded when he only saw Thor at the table where he had expected his best girl to wait for him. _


	25. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like y'all need another chapter after that cry festival. But I also noticed that my planed schedule is somewhat off because I want to finish this work before the next semester begins in October ( also take some time off).
> 
> SO enjoy this little semi fluff. Next time will be very fun ;)   
> I will include some links to images from the only lover left alive movie set and such for better imagination. I had my difficulties discribing all of it and capturing it's strange beauty. Please, please, pease watch it. It's one of my favorite movies and it also treats this whole vampire thing in a new and facinating way. 
> 
> In Templum Dei- Jozef van Wissem   
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1VppkXgK2r8ETKPIaoqfhI?si=UZWhhyrxR9KTo_ICqCklpg
> 
> Adam's house:  
>  https://chaptersandscenes.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/onlyloversleftalive-archi-adams-house.png
> 
> Living room:   
> https://anjafromm.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/01.jpg
> 
> Please enjoy and review :)

The sand was trickling down, landing on the pile of tiny rocks that had collected on the cold, grey linoleum floor. Only a few lights were on at the gym, a single neon lamp was turned on, clothing the fighting figure in near darkness. Everything was silent except for the angry slapping sound of fists colliding with the sandbags leather coating. His shoes screeched against the smooth floor whenever he changed his footing, he grunted with each strong hit.   
Sweat ran down the side of his face. It had coated some of his hair, making the strands stick to his reddened face. 

Bucky was onto his 5th punching bag. The others had been destroyed by the hits of his metal limb, the leather simple couldn't stand the sudden pressure. He didn’t notice how this one had started tearing at the sides, but then again he was far from caring about it. 

He was unable to express his feelings. Loss, fear, guilt.. in the end they compromised into anger and there was only one way to let that out without hurting anyone around.   
It was close to 4 a.m, he was the clock's angry red letters in the corner of his eye. He had been at this for a good 5 hours now and the feeling hadn't left him yet, so he kept pushing himself.

His focus was interrupted by the faint squeak of the wooden gym doors. Someone had entered the room quietly.

“Jesus Buck, it’s 4 in the morning. What are you doing here?” It was Steve. He stood in the door frame, confusion was written all over his face. 

“Training” Bucky huffed, his eyes hard and focused on the poor beaten up bag in front of him.

“At 4 in the morning? Aren’t you supposed to be in bed, sleeping in with-”

A loud bang rang through the hall. This time it wasn’t just the bag that burst, he had broken off the entire mechanism that held the bag in place. The mangled piece of metal fell from the ceiling, bouncing a few times on the floor before coming to a rest next to the pile of sand.  
The brunette was breathing heavily, his eyes staring off to where the bag had been.

“Buck, what…” Steve was at a loss of words. He hadn’t seen his friend so out of it ever since Budapest. “ What is going on?” He walked towards Bucky with slow, careful steps. 

He was still breathing heavily and stifled a sob that came up when he felt Steve hand on his shoulder. He gave into the hug that Steve pulled him into, strong arms holding him close by the shoulder. 

  
Once he had calmed down a little Steve ushered him to sit on the bench, offering him his water bottle. Bucky drank in long gulps, setting the bottle down he started to explain.  
“She just disappeared. Last night when you and I were dancing with those girls. Carla...Louise….” He rubbed at his eyes.

“Ashley and Charlotte.” Steve corrected him. The slightest shade pink rose to his cheeks.

“Whatever… She just- as she disappeared into thin air.” He looked at his friend with a pleading look in his eyes. “Thor last saw her. She asked him some questions that didn’t make any sense to him and then she just…-she just left.” New tears started to rise but Steve reacted quickly, starting to rub his shoulders assuringly.

“Have you tried to call-” He was quickly shut up by an aggressive look in Bucky’s blue eyes.  
“Of fucking course I did, 40 times or so. Sam did, too.” He sighed. “I knew she wasn’t okay. I should have known she didn’t want to stay… And now she could be god knows where…” 

“ What?” Steve frowned.

“I can’t reach her and Stark is refusing to do a GPS scan! He said my idiocy isn’t worth his time or money. “ Bucky looked furious, the plates in his hand whirling with him clenching and unclenching his fist.

Steve was taken aback before chuckling. His friend was being stupid, but as they say ‘ Love makes blind’

“Is that why I saw Tony cursing in the hallway with a tissue pressed against his nose?”

Bucky grunted “ It’s not broken”

Steve let out a yelping laugh” Jesus Christ Bucky.” It made his friend cheer up, at least enough to provoke a tiny smirk.

“Since when does Captain America swear?” 

“Since you turned into a massive idiot.” The blond stood up, patting his friend on the back. “C’mon I’ll give you a lift. Can’t stand you so heartbroken.” 

Bucky stared at him with utmost disbelief. “ What are you talking about?” 

Steve chuckled again “ Bucky, stop being stupid. Where would she go, huh?”

_____________________________________

  
Adam kept strumming his guitar. He stopped asking his sister for the reason for her sudden visit and bad temper some while ago. She had arrived in the early hours of the new day. The sun luckily hadn’t come up yet but Adam was contemplating closing them now before it was too late. He would hate having to ask her to do it.   
Out of some unknown reason, but he guessed that it was genetic luck, she had no problem with walking out in broad daylight. She was a little sensible, sure, but she wouldn’t burst into flames like him and Eve. And being honest to himself, he envied her for being able to live so freely. It was one of the reasons why she always seemed more human than the rest of them.

He let his fingers glide over the rusting strings in a soft picking pattern, changing the key from time to time. Opposite to him, on the red curved sofa lay Y/n. She curled herself in on that the moment she reached his living room. Her bag had been thrown under the table featuring one of Adam's ancient shade lamps. The pair of heels joined some sunglasses headphones and other clutter on the table. 

She had watched his finger glide of the strings for what felt like a short eternity. Her head was resting on the turquoise pillow that Eve had brought from her latest trip to Tangier, a matching red one laid close to her feet. The movement of her brother's sleek fingers, dancing, nearly floating over the instrument, and the soothing melody had calmed her nerves. Now she was simply staring ahead, waiting for whatever was to come next. 

Adam watched her: still unmoving, her gaze off. He stopped playing, looking out the window behind her. The sun was rising slowly. He sighed, standing up and stretching like a lazy cat.   
“Are you going to speak on your own or do I have to force everything out of you?” He asked blankly, closing the curtains behind her. 

“What do you want me to say?” She sounded tired, drained. 

Adam pulled on the pillow she was resting on, making her head hit against the armrest.   
“Ow! Adam, what the fuck was that for?” She sat up, rubbing the spot on her head, a frown on her face.

He ignored her, falling back into his armchair. “I want to go to sleep so you talk to me now or find somewhere else to stay.” He threw his legs over the side of his chair.

  
Y/n crossed her arms defensively, her eyes trained on the old cello that rested against the wall by the door.   
“I left the team.” She bit her lip, “ You were right. It was a stupid idea to stay around the humans.” 

He chuckled low, his right hand playing with the white stone on his necklace.” While that does make me somewhat happy, please elaborate.” 

“I-They are different, their lives are so different and-” She struggled to find the right words. Y/n massaged the bridge of her nose for a bit before continuing.  
“They derive their lives meaning from its brevity, okay? Their choices and decisions matter because they are limited. There is only so much they can do before their life is over” She sighed deeply. 

“ I don’t have to care about that… Adam we saw so much, met so many people. Don’t you get tired?”

He scoffed. “All the time. But that doesn’t mean that the things you do don’t matter.” She looked at him in confusion. 

“ Duality.” He simply said.

“What, the song?” She asked, a deep frown on her face.

“Jesus Christ, Y/n!” He cursed angrily. No, not the song. The concept.” 

She still stared at him.   
“Jesus fuck, you can be both! You can be human in your behavior and values and vampire in nature. Live both. No one is stopping you from being happy besides yourself.” 

“But I can’t make him happy! I can’t give him what he deserves. No children, no happy ever after, no way for us to grow old together. I am stealing his time. I have no limit of time but he has and how arrogantly selfish would it be to seal that from him when he could share it with someone else. Someone that can give him that happiness...” By the end of her little speech, tears were running down her face. She was slightly out of breath, the pillow clutched to her chest. 

Adam sighed before standing up and sitting down next to her. He pulled her closer, resting her head on his lap and gently moving his hand along her neck and shoulder.   
“I am sorry that I took away your choice. I was so scared when mother told me that you had fallen sick… I couldn’t lose you.” He whispered, leaned down, and placing a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“But you know what?” 

She shook her head.

“You are so painfully wrong.”

“Why?...”

“ Have you ever asked him what he wants. You are assuming something based on some stereotypical ideal. But let’s be honest, both of you are miles away from being normal enough for that. 17th-century vampire and a popsicle soldier...” Adam leaned back, the pregnant silence made him grin. He was right once again. If he was onto a guessing streak it would be only a few minutes before he could finally go to bed. 

Y/n shifted so that she could look up at him. “ Since when have you turned so soft?”

Adam had his eyes closed,” Since you turned into a massive idiot.”  
His grin widened when the sound of a jet engine could be heard in the distance.  
“Fucking finally, get up, will you” He pushed her into a seating position, before walking the main entrance downstairs.

_______________________________

“How did you know where to find her?” Bucky watched the rows of old houses along the street they flew over. Steve had taken him to the nearest jet, forcing him inside. They had arrived in less than an hour, the sun had risen, casting the buildings below them in a bright warm hue. 

“Y/n gave me the address before the took off for her holiday,” Steve answered, a sly grin on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: Please normalize men crying.
> 
> I was a little worried that I would write Bucky off character but honestly, I think that he would be a kind of person that opens up to his pal. It's okay for men to have feelings and show emotions :) 
> 
> Tell me what you think


	26. would

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and fluffy: Third act climax 
> 
> Dessert will be served on Thursday ;)
> 
> How could I not?- Tom Rosenthal  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4GojkU819poI5Zgkft9xvd?si=wXJpkOqlS56DEgPkbWHNVA

Steve landed the jet in the vast plot of land behind the house. Between the old, dying buildings grew new plants and trees. Nature had reclaimed the garden behind the red brick mansion, a small ash tree broke through the plaster covering the abandoned terrace. All windows were closed, the thick dark curtains were pulled closed, letting no light enter, the back door had been nailed shut to keep out unwanted visitors. 

Bucky exited the jet through the hatch that slowly lowered to the ground. Steve gave him another pat on the back. 

“You got this buddy. Just tell her how you feel.” Steve smiled at him, the engine was still on and he waited for Bucky to leave so that he could take off and leave again.

Bucky nodded slowly, he took a deep breath before his feet found their footing on the metal plates of the jets hatch. He studied the old mansion with a weary look, it seemed almost too cliche that out of all houses Y/n’s brother settled down in this one. It reminded him of a castle, the ones that evil witches lived in, it even had a small tower. He saw the faint shimmer of light when a gust of wind made the curtain shuffle on the highest window of said tower structure. The warm orange light gave him a clue as to where she could hide in the building. 

He stepped away from the jet, waving Steve goodbye before he took off. Bucky walked around the building, he quickly spotted the blue Volkswagen, it’s on famous scratch along the side still not fixed up. Her parked car made him realize how Steve was right. Of course, she would go and see Adam, how come he didn’t think of that? 

  
Bucky rounded the corner, a small veranda covered the entrance to the house. He didn’t even place this foot on the first step before the front door opened with a painful screech.

A pale shirtless man was leaned against the wall and hiding behind the side of the door. He looked tired, the fed-up frown on his face was framed by a wild mane of black hair. He looked lean, yet he held an astonishing kind of fragility. 

“You are James, huh?” He eyes the ex winter soldier with a calculating gaze, before stretching his back. “I never understood by sisters taste in men.” He scoffed.

“Adam I assume.” Bucky walked up the stairs slowly, his eyes locked on Adams.   
They stood facing each other, only a few inches between them. Bucky’s broad frame and height usually frightened people when they met him up close but Adam simply grinned before clicking his tongue.   
“She loved you, you know. Don’t make her regret it.” Adam warned him.

Bucky’s look was still hard, no emotions, he nodded curtly.   
“I would never dare.” 

Adam nodded at him, he hummed, accepting his answer then he stepped aside, giving Bucky access to the flight of stairs behind him. “ Second right, first floor. Don’t blow it, Romeo.” 

Bucky quietly thanked him, making his way upstairs, balancing in the small space that wasn’t taken up by the uncountable amount of books and magazines that rested on the sides of the steps. The old stairs screeched horribly under his weight. The whole building filled him with a strange sense of nostalgia. It was a mix of fright and timelines, objects, and pictures from all sorts of ages hung on the wall or rested on the floor. 

He took a deep breath once he reached the first level. The soft orange light he had seen outside reached though into the hallway under the half-open door. From his position, he got a glimpse of the countless instruments that hang on the far wall of the living room. Records were stacked on the table and old machine that he believed to be one of those old synthesizers. Most of Adam's equipment came from a time that Bucky missed out on.

He took careful steps towards the door, with each his view on the room got better. The Armrest of a red sofa came into view and with it, he got a glimpse of a little bit of crimson fabric. He took another step, the table was now on display along with all of the clutter that rested on it. Amongst that he identified a pair of black heels. His heartbeat quickened. 

The took the next step with utter care. And just like that, he stood in the door. 

Dark circles and his wild hair made him look just as tired and broken as she was. His wide built nearly took up all of the door frame, making it look like some strange portal.  
Bucky didn’t dare to take another step. He was in awe at the way she seamlessly fit into the unusual background. A few of the pictures on the wall showed her in the different eras she lived in. A picture from the ’80s: she sat on the roof of a car, the Taunus he saw on the grass outside, and she was smiling at the photographer. Another one, she was dressed in a light blue uniform, a man lay next to her on a simple bed, his head wrapped his bandages. Next to it a bleached-out photography, her face in the center of the frame and the smallest smile on her lips. Adam stood next to her in a suit and coat, he looked just as strict. 

His gaze moved back to the woman sitting on the sofa. It was her in all of these pictures, a constant throughout time, continuously cheating death. And yet she looked so very fragile sitting there amongst all of it, in her graceful gown. It didn’t look as good as it did back at the party, oil-stained a few spots around her waist, and the bottom seam of it turned a slight shade of gray from sliding over the ground. Her hair had loosened from her hairstyle, some stands hung low with little definition, her makeup had been partially removed. 

But Bucky had never seen anything that beautiful. 

He swallowed, a lump had formed in his throat. “ Hey,” He said with a small voice.

“Hey” Y/n answered weakly. They kept eye contact, both unmoving.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something more but stopped abruptly when he saw her lower lip quiver. He opened his arms for her and felt her body collide against him faster than he could see.

Y/n hands held onto his shirt, she had to feel his presence, his warmth. She sobbed against his chest, gently rubbing her face against his front, inhaling his scent. It never failed to calm her nerves. Bucky shushed her gently, pressing kisses in her hair. The sound of her strained crying made his eyes water as well. He had not realized how much needed to feel her. The two help each other, gently rocking from side to side till Y/n calmed down again. 

She pulled her arms back, placing them oh Bucky’s forearms. He cupped her face with one hand, the other secured around her waist. 

“I’m so sorry…” Y/n whispered, her face pressing into his large palm. “ I was so stupid- I..” She had to pause again before more tears spilled. 

“I know, I know baby doll.” Bucky kissed her forehead. His deep voice resonated against his ribcage. “I’m sorry for not taking better care of you. I knew something was off, I ignored it an-” 

“ No, Bucky, stop apologizing.” She shook her head and took a step back, her arms wrapping around herself. “ I just left, without even saying a word. But when I saw how much fun you were having, how you seemed to glow up, I felt so bad for taking that from you.” 

“Y/n, what are you talking about. You aren’t taking anything from me. You make me stronger, you help me be myself again.” He took a step towards her, shaking his head in disbelief. 

  
Y/n smiled sadly. “ But I do. Being with me robs you of the chance at a normal life. I can’t make you happy like any other human girl easily could. You are wasting your time on me.” 

Bucky looked heartbroken. He was shooked, how she could think of herself so low?   
“ Baby, what are you saying.” He shook his head “ You make me happy in a way that no one else could. You understand me and my pain like no one could. I love you.” 

She frowned deeply, opening her mouth to argue against him once more but Bucky was faster.

“You are caring, compassionate and so unbelievably clever. I never thought that I could be able to feel these things ever again but you gave me so much happiness.” Bucky moved to stand in front of her once again. He cupped her face with his metal hand. His smile widened when she didn’t flinch but instead closed her eyes, enjoying the cool touch against her cheek.

“You are not afraid of me or this nor do you judge me for my past.” He nodded towards his hand. “The other girls might like me for my appearance or story but you- You see me. All of me” He leaned forward, stopping just before his lips met hers.   
“ How could I not love you?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo happiness and cuddles! 
> 
> Share some love in the comments <3  
> Thank you sticking with me on this journey :D
> 
> Could you do me a favor and tell me what time zone you live in? Then I can calculate my upload time a little better, thanks 💕


	27. want *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dessert is served ;)  
> if you don't want to read smut then stop reading at the cut. _______
> 
> A few of the lines I used in this chapter were inspired by ShitHappens story "All the best of Dark and Bright" which I consider to be one of the best Bucky x reader stories out there.
> 
> Please remember to use protection! 
> 
> Human- Dodie https://open.spotify.com/track/7o8vTKpUe6GvlssjGhZk7d?si=9ax3CXCtTMKGeNDGh7kePg

Her hand was stretched out of the window, the warm summer breeze graced her fingers, the air pressure pushed against her skin lightly. Y/n sat on the shotgun seat, head resting against the window frame and her eyes watched the passing buildings and fields. It was a calm silence and she enjoyed the cloudless sky. Lost in her thoughts, Y/n jumped in her seat when something suddenly brushed up against her thigh.

“Sorry, Doll. Had to shift gears.” Bucky flashed her a quick smile, then his focus was back on the road.

“It’s fine. I was just zoning off.”

She watched him for a bit. They had switched positions after passing the border to Pennsylvania and Y/n gave him the car keys, reluctantly. While the small car was just fine for her, Bucky was struggling to fit behind the steering wheel. His knees were placed left and right of it, even with the seat pushed back to its maximum. His shoulders reached over to her side, making it nearly impossible not to bump against him with every turn. Her thighs were pressed together, allowing him to stretch out and relax at least a little bit but she could see how tired he had become.

After their conversation, both had agreed to get back to the tower as soon as possible. Bucky quickly collected all of her belongings and packed the car, waiting outside for her. 

_ Y/n slowly pushed open the door to the mansions master bedroom. It was cast in complete darkness, and with the faint light from the hallway she could make out Adam’s pale back against the grey sheets. She sneaked inside, being as quiet as possible before sitting down on the bed.  _

_ Y/n pet his hair gently, pulling on the rebellious strands of hair that fell in his face. He stirred, his eyes still closed. _

_ “You two okay?” He mumbled sleepily.  _

_ His sister hummed, continuing to let her finger glide through the thick dark hair.  _

_ “Good.” Adam shuffled a little bit, before he stopped, satisfied with the way the sheet rested against his body. “Then, kindly, fuck off.”  _

_ Y/n let out a fake gasp, “Adam!” but she quickly chuckled. _

_ “I know exactly what comes next and I don’t want that to happen in my house, Poppy.” She smiled at his use of her childhood nickname.  _

_ Back when they were children, they helped with the harvest each year. Y/n adored the red petals and often brought home more flowers than grains.  _

_ “James is already outside, we were just about to leave.” She pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade. Adam hummed, snaking his arm around her and pulling her face against his cheek.  _

_ “You be careful, and write to me.” He lazily kissed her cheek, then he turned back to sleeping on his front.  _

_ “Of course. Love you.” She stood up, tiptoeing out of the room. _

_ “Yeah me, too,” Adam spoke, she could hear the grin on his lips. _

_ She smiled, closing the door behind her. _

They just passed the city sign of Brookville, the interstate 80 lead through the north of the city. Bucky sighed deeply, watching the buildings on each side. He looked very uncomfortable, moving his shoulders up to try and ease his back pain. 

The man broke the gentle silence "Back at the house," He paused determining the best approach to the topic. " You called me Bucky. I thought you didn't like the name." Y/n blinked in confusion. She hadn't noticed it, the name just felt natural to him now that they knew each other much better. " I guess I got used to it?" She watched the houses on the side of the road thinking about a good explanation " I think it fits you better than James. If we want to move on and both get used to these new times we should adapt, you know?" A shy grin painted her lips. " Besides I noticed that Steve calls you by your first name when he is angry at you. I can't steal that from the mother hen, or make you shake in your boots when I call you." She grinned at him, her hand placed over his on the gear shift. 

Bucky scoffed but couldn't fight the small smile that settled onto his lips.

He shuffled in his seat, tried to hide it but Y/n say how uncomfortable he was getting

“ Listen, Y/n, I gotta take a break and both of us got little sleep last night. How about we find a motel, rest then night ?” He asked her with a drained look. 

Y/n was taken aback, it wouldn’t be a problem to share a bed but get a room. Surely someone would recognize them. Then again she had just stifled another jawn. 

“Yeah, sure. Do you have cash with you?” She spotted a yellow building on the side of the road ‘ Interstate 80 inn’ It read on the worn-down sign. She pointed him in its direction.

“I got a credit card that Tony gave me. I’m sure he'd be willing to pay after…” Bucky stopped, pretending to be focused on getting into the parking lot.

“ What… Oh god, what did you do?” Y/n looked at him with a blank expression. She spotted a slight shade of pink on his cheeks” James, what did you do?” 

He pursed his lips. “ I might have straightened his nose, it’s not broken though.” Y/n was still staring at him. “ He refused to do a GPS search on you, called me an idiot.” He put the car to a stop.

“Jesus, Bucky.” Y/n rubbed her hands over her face, chuckling about his story. ”Sounds like you are just as sleep-deprived as I am.” They both stared ahead, laughing quietly. 

Y/n was the first to speak.” You wanna get a room and order some pizza?” She placed her hand on his on top of the car console, their fingers linking.

“Sounds amazing, Doll.” He smiled, affectionately.

_________________________________________________________________

It was too hot. After getting used to the AC systems in Stark Tower and the cool climate in Adam’s home, Y/n was burning up. The navy colored shirt that Bucky had borrowed her to sleep in was pushed up her chest, the fabric gathering just below her breasts. The covers had been pushed aside and even the open window didn’t help much. 

She sighed, opening her eyes to look at how the man next to her was doing. Bucky lay on his left side, facing away from her. From the small movements of his back, she assured that he was asleep. Y/n cursed quietly, placing her arms on the pillow next to her head, laying in a starfish position to cool down as much as possible.

“What’s wrong?” A low rumble came from Bucky, he turned his head to get a glimpse at her, laying there, in the pale moonlight. 

“Too hot, feel like I’m burning up.” Y/n groaned, covering her eyes with her forearm. He hummed in sympathy, turning on his back. The sight of her exposed stomach and chest did something to him.

Without thinking about it, Bucky turned on his other side, facing her with his metal arm, placed over her belly. Y/n let out a loud yelp, she certainly didn’t expect the cold metal to come into contact with her skin without a warning. She struggled against his hold but settled down when the metal adjusted her temperature a little. Bucky shushed her gently, moving his fingers over her soft skin. 

Y/n breathed deeply, now enjoying the cool object that took away some of her temperatures. 

Her quick breaths calmed down again, and she closed her eyes. Bucky watched mindfully how a puff of air was released from her lips. She looked so beautiful, calm. His eyes drifted to the mound of her breasts, moving up and down with each breath. “Better?” He whispered in her hair. 

Y/n hummed in agreement, she turned her head towards his face, her gaze settling on his plump lips.

She leaned forward slowly, placing her lips against his, kissing him first carefully, then gradually with more passion. One of her hands found it’s way against his neck, holding the back of his head and raking through his long hair. Bucky leaned over her, getting better access to her lips. His left hand started to roam over her chest, and along her side, still too shy to push under the shirt that covered her breasts.

Y/n moaned quietly, his fingers along her side created a tingle inside of her. They parted to take a breath, foreheads gently touching. Y/n rubbed her nose against the stubble on his chin, humming contently. She found his lips once again, kissing him deeply before gently licking his lower lip, quietly asking for entrance. He moaned, opening his mouth to let her tongue in, deepening the kiss. 

“Doll…” He whispered between wet kisses, he didn’t dare touch her further, his hands still gliding over her chest and stomach. 

“I want you, Buck.” She stopped for a moment, nuzzling his cheekbone. Bucky closed his eyes, sighing happily. 

“Are you sure, Baby?” He pushed some hair away from her face. Y/n nodded, a warm smile settled on her lips “ I love you, James.” 

It made him grin wide, kissing her wildly. 

Y/n sat up slightly, helping push the shirt over her head. He had felt a surge of pride when he had offered it to her. It was too big on her, reaching past her hips and stopped in the middle of her thighs but by god, he had never seen a woman so sexy. Now the cotton fell to the floor, and he grinned happily, he liked the shirt even better on the ground. 

He moved his kisses from, her mouth down to her cheek, chin, and along her collarbone. His flesh hand settled on her breast, massaging and stroking it with care. Y/n held his head, her other hand raked over his back, feeling his strong muscles move under his skin. 

“God, you are so wonderful.” He moaned against her skin, sucking on the spot between her neck and shoulder. Y/n leaned her head back, exposing her neck to grand him better access. 

“I love you” She repeated, between deep breaths, whispering it like a mantra. Y/n pulled Bucky back to her face, now kissing him along his bearded jaw. He hummed in delight, his large palms gripping and feeling her back. “Lay down, Doll.” He pushed her back onto the old mattress with gentle force. Bucky leaned over her, his torso supported by a strong arm on the bed, next to her head on the pillow. Y/n wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing the hair that fell into his face back behind his ears. He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, then moved his lips to the spot just below her ear. “I wanna make you feel good.” He whispered, sucking on the spot where her lower jaw connected just below the ear. 

Y/n felt powerless, simply nodding in agreement. She felt like melting wax in his palm, the gentle touches and sweet kissed rendering her speechless. 

With his left hand, Bucky gently skimmed along the space between her breasts, then her chest and stomach until he reached the elastic of her underwear. He kissed her exposed neck and chin with slow, dragging movements. “ Can I take this off?” He asked her quietly, his eyes finding hers in the dark room. Her pupils were fully blown, lips parted slightly, small huffs of air erupting from them. “Yes, please.” She whispered, already missing his lips and the slight burn of his stubble against her sensitive skin. 

Bucky nodded, his eyes still trained on hers while he hooked his index finger under the fabric and pulled it down deliciously slow. Y/n helped him remove it by pushing her hips up and quickly the small piece of cotton found a new home next to the shirt on the floor. Bucky spread his fingers over the skin of her knee, the cool metal slid along her thigh till it came to a stop on her hip. He placed his middle and index finger on her outer lips, spreading them slowly. Y/n legs started shivering from the intense feeling, her hands moved to his back and shoulder, trying to hold on for support. He chuckled, satisfied by the way his touch made her feel. 

Y/n moaned breathlessly when he started to apply a little pressure on her clit, rolling his index finger on the little nub in small even circles. “Fuck, yeah keep-” She pulled him down into a deep kiss, her hip moving up against his palm. He grinned into the kiss, using the rest of his hand to massage her thigh. Y/n broke away, catching her breath, her hands clawing at his back. “ Buck?” She asked carefully. “Yeah, Baby Doll?” She parted her lips to say something but stopped, looking away with a shy expression. “Nevermind.” She shook her head, pulling him to her lips again but he resisted “ No, tell me. I want to know what you like.” He slowed down the movement of his hand. 

“ I was wondering whether your arm can…” She swallowed, licking her lips before gathering the courage to ask” uh, vibrate.” She huffed an embarrassed laugh. Bucky grin widened, trying to stop from laughing. She was truly everything he could have ever hoped her. 

“Afraid not, Doll. It’s called Vibranium because it absorbs all vibrations.” He chuckled, gently squeezing the flesh of her thigh .Y/n looked at him with a fake frown. “ Well, Fuck.” She uttered. Bucky hummed against her neck “ That would have been a nice addition though.” His fingers found her clit once more, applying more pressure than before. “But I could do this instead.” 

He pushed a finger inside of her, pumping slowly and pleasuring her clitters with his thumb.

He captured her moan with his mouth, growing low when she scratched her nails on his back. He kept moving his fingers, feeling her pleasure built up, she was getting very wet. 

Y/n turned away, cupping his face with one hand. “ Bucky, stop. I’m getting close.” His fingers slowed down “ Isn’t that the point, Doll?” He flashed her a cheeky grin. 

“I want to feel you inside me, James.” His smile widened, “Are you sure?” Y/n nodded quickly. Her fingers found the elastic of his boxers, pulling it down slowly. He was almost fully erect, precum glistening on his tip. He stopped her before she could direct him towards her entrance.

“Wait, do you have protection?” He asked with slight concern. Bucky hadn’t thought about the possibility of ending up in this position and forgot to bring condoms. Y/n shook her head “ We don’t need that.” She kissed him reassuringly, but he wasn’t convinced. “ Doll, I don’t want to risk-” She cupped his cheek “ I can’t catch anything, Love. Nothing... “ She looked deeply into his eyes, hoping that he would understand without having her to say it out loud. 

After a few seconds Bucky, nodded, catching the hint. “ Oh, alright, okay.” He positioned his tip at her lower lips, touching them slightly. With a stifled moan, he pushed in. She felt amazing around him, very wet and throbbing slightly. 

“Are you okay, can I move?” She breathed out a small “Yes” her fingers scratching along his back. Bucky pulled out of her, returning with a gently push. Y/n hips buckled, pressing against his thighs from each side. He quickened his pace, enjoying the view of her breasts, bouncing deliciously with each thrust. He felt his pleasure build up quickly “ I’m close, Baby! So good.” The arm that was holding him up got weaker, he positioned himself onto his elbow. He knew that she was strong, his body weight wouldn’t bother her but he was careful nonetheless. With another few pushes, he felt her walls clench around him. Y/n moaned loudly, enjoying her orgasm and the way he kept pushing into her until he too came undone. Bucky moaned her name, coming inside her. He was out of breath, closing his eyes and giving her a chaste kiss on the forehead. “ Oh god, that was amazing.” He couldn't hold himself up any longer, resting on top of her. 

Y/n hummed in agreement, her fingers gently massaging his scalp. After a few minutes, Bucky pulled out slowly, falling onto his back next to her. “How did I get so lucky.” He spoke quietly, catching his breath. “ A good amount of patience and misfortune, I guess. Karma always finds you“ She deadpanned. Bucky grinned, giving her a small kiss before going to clean himself in the bathroom. 

He came back with a wet cloth, taking care of Y/n. He kissed her inner thigh, throwing away the tissue and settling back in bed next to her. She laid on her side, facing him. 

“I’m so glad to have you back” She whispered, taking his arm and clutching it to her chest, her head resting in his palm. 

“I was never gone, Doll. Always yours. I was and will be.” He kissed her forehead, falling asleep quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. First time for me to write smut so I hope it wasn't too cringy.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Your comments give me life.


	28. to *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy filler chapter!

The sound of water hitting glass rose her from her sleep. The distant hiss of the showerhead and the dull sound of feet, moving on wet tiles, accompanied by the distinct smell of old spice. Both resident oldies held a strange fascination with that brand. Y/n exhaled, turning around in the empty bed and enjoying the grand amount of space she was able to take up, even if it was for only a short while. 

After returning to the Start tower things had settled into a nice routine. Bucky, Steve, and Sam went onto their daily morning run just after the break of dawn. Both of them went on smaller missions and taught a few of the trainee agents. Over this time Y/n and the two girls from that disastrous party grew closer into somewhat of a nice friendship. When Charlotte's enthusiasm and curiosity, especially about Bucky and their life together, strained Y/n’s nerves every now and then, Ashley’s calm and collected attitude allowed for nice, sometimes deep conversations. 

And so the months went by and it was close to November. The trees turned all kinds of shades of red, yellow, and brown while the temperature dropped quickly. Y/n pulled the sheets up to her nose, enjoying the warmth against her slightly cooled skin. Her clothes still resting on the floor after last night's lovemaking. 

The two had decided to move into one flat, leaving Bucky’s rooms to be let for guests. They had been sleeping in one bed anyway so it made no sense to take up more space than necessary.

Y/n opened her eyes slowly, looking at the alarm clock that rested on her nightstand. 9.28 am, it was Saturday and they had a brunch reservation for 4 at 11 am. She hummed contently, closing her eyes once more to rest a little longer. 

The sound from the half-open bathroom door stopped, a shuffling of towels, then the sound of his feet on the soft carpet in the hallway. She couldn’t fight the smile that rose on her lips. Bucky stopped in the kitchen, pouring the coffee he put on before his run into a mug, adding a little cream. 

He knew that she was awake but played along, placing the mug down on the coaster on her nightstand and leaning forward to place a soft kiss on her naked shoulder. 

“Good Morning, Doll” He whispered in her ear, settling on the bed next to her, his back against the headboard. She turned around to face him, admiring his figure, his skin still a little wet from his shower. 

“Morning, Buck. You made me a coffee?” She smiled, gently taking the cup from the nightstand to take a sip. It was still a little too hot for her liking but the bitter taste helped to wake her up.

“I brought you breakfast in bed.” He grinned cheekily, his hand gently moving over her exposed thigh. She furrowed her brows, but quickly understood what he was implying, a wicked smile formed on her lips. 

“Oh, breakfast sure looks good.” She moved around, sitting down on his hips with a leg on each side. Bucky placed his hands on her hips, holding her steady, his erection was already pushing up against the towel that was wrapped around his hips. 

Y/n kissed him slowly, she loved to play with him just as much as he did.

“ And it smells amazing, too.” She inhaled his scent, the smell of his shower gel and his musky scent mixed very well. Bucky moaned against her lips, enjoying her dirty talk more than he’d like to admit. 

“Gotta make sure my best girl is strong and healthy.” He grinned against her lips, his hands feeling the soft curve of her ass and thigh. “ You are so good to me.” Y/n pulled off the towel that covered his lap. His tip was pushing against her entrance and she lowered herself onto it, making him gasp. “Geez, Doll.” She kept kissing him, deepening it when she allowed his tongue to enter her mouth. She started her slow journey from his lips towards his neck, still riding him. 

Bucky let out a groan when she quickened her pace, making her grin proudly. Just before reaching her the desired spot on his neck, she stopped moving. Just as Bucky felt the need to ask her what as wrong, she decided to play with him a little longer. Y/n’s featured changed, the dark marks under her eyes appeared, her iris darkened and she hissed at him, showing off her fangs. 

But she quickly turned back when it had absolutely no effect on him.

“ What? Can I not scare you? Have you lost your sense of fear?”Her fingers caressed the back of his neck. 

Bucky chuckled low “ No, but I know the difference between a tiger and a kitten. He smirked, satisfied with himself. 

“Is that so, huh?” She licked along his jaw, quickly thrusting her hips into his, making him moan loudly. She rode him a little longer, feeling the knot in her belly tighten up. When she felt close to her climax she leaned forward whispering in his ear “ You ready?” He nodded eagerly, leaning his head back and slightly to the side to expose the vein on his neck.

She bit down, her fangs pierced through his skin with ease. He groaned in pleasure and pain, loving the feeling of her, draining him from his vein. He loved the idea that he gave her life in a somewhat metaphorical sense. She ran on his blood, he provided her with power and strength in a very intimate bond. He gripped her hips faster, holding her while she rode out her orgasm. 

Y/n stopped drinking after a few moments. They still had appointments and she didn’t want him to end up too tired. She pushed her hips a few more times at a faster speed, her orgasm triggered his not long after, leaving both of them rendered speechless and out of breath. 

Y/n slowed down the movement of her hips while simultaneously cleaning up the wound on his neck, closing and healing it up quickly. Bucky let go of her hips, allowing her to sit back and catch her breath.

“Jesus, Doll. You are so good.” He spoke, still a little horse. There was a little bit of blood that spilled on her chin, Bucky cleaned it away with his index finger, offering it to her to lick it clean. 

She took it in her mouth, sucking off the access blood, her eyes closed and savoring the taste. He was the best she ever tasted. “ I love you, James” She confessed, kissing his finger before rolling off of him. 

“ I love you, too.” He told her, watching her stand up with a loving gaze. He was sweaty once again so he got up alongside her, following her into the bathroom.

___________________________

They had a reservation for a table at one of the smaller cafés just outside of the city. After a rather awkward encounter at central park, Bucky had questioned Steve about what they had witnessed and he had confessed quickly. 

Y/n and Bucky had decided to go out for a picnic, a nice relaxing afternoon in the shades of central park trees. But after some time they witnessed something strange.

_ Buck was sitting against a tree, a book rested in his hand, half-read “1984” the title read. He was getting enough free time to work off the pop culture and media list that Sam had given him. It was an edited version with little comments from Steve, rating and judging the tips that Sam had written down. This book seemed to be a classic and Y/n had given him a knowing grin when she saw the cover.  _

_ She rested next to him, laying on her front with her head resting on her forearms, she was invested in some newspaper. From time to time Bucky ran his hand over her back, making her hum contently. It was the kind of calm happiness he had hoped for and so far no one had noticed them or didn’t bother to speak to them.  _

_ Y/n looked up from her paper. A dog was walking by, running after a ball that its owner had thrown, she watched it with a small smile on her lips. But her gaze stopped on something odd in the back. A tall man, blond hair peeked out at the back of his baseball cap, wide-rimmed sunglasses covered his eyes. In his arms, leaned against his front was a woman, her hair in long dark braids, golden beads glittered in the sun.  _

_ Ashley.  _

_ “Hey, Buck…” Y/n petted his thigh to get his attention. He looked up from his book, eyebrows furrowed. She pointed towards the two grinning. She had assumed that there was more between the two but Ashley had never vocalized her feelings for Steve, at least not to her.  _

_ Bucky was rendered speechless. He had no idea that Steve was seeing someone…. _

_ He watched the two with an analyzing gaze “ Punk didn’t say anything.”  _

_ Y/n sat up, sitting against the bark next to him. “Maybe he was too shy. Ash didn’t tell me neither” Both watch the other couple cuddling in the sun. They seemed to be playing cards, his arms wrapped around her waist.  _

_ “We should go out together.” Y/n stated. Ashley was wriggling in Steve’s arms, stopping him from looking into her deck. “Brunch or dinner, something like that. Show them that it’s okay to be open about it, you know?” Bucky nodded in agreement, a proud smile on his lips. The little punk had a girlfriend.  _

Y/n and Bucky were greeted by a young man, at the entrance of the cafè, he was leaned over a list. 

“Hello, we have a reservation for a table on the name Lewis.” Y/n smiled at him, nodding politely when he leads her and James to a table at the far end of the table row. Bucky was trotting behind them, his head hung low, ignoring the looks of the other customers. 

They took off their coats and sat down, Bucky kept looking around nervously. 

She held his hand under the table to calm his nerves. “ Hey, you can relax. These people won’t do anything. We made the reservation on Ashley’s name, they don’t know it's us. “ Bucky let his eyes gaze over the crowd once again but couldn’t find the source for his alarmed state. He wrote it off as a bad habit. 

The other two arrived shortly after the waiter brought their drinks. Steve wore his signature disguise that, at this point was, more telling then going out without it. He held Ashley’s hand while looking for his friend but he was quickly pulled along when the woman saw Y/n before he did. 

“Hey guys, I’m sorry that we are late.” Steve was struggling with the buttons of his coat. He took it of quicky to help Ashley with her chair but the batted away his hand. Telling him that she can manage on her own. He hung up both of their jackets and walked around the table to greet his pal and hand Y/n a small bouquet of flowers. Y/n was surprised by the gesture, her face heating up, she thanked him, taking the flowers with care. 

Bucky grinned at Steve “ I hope you brought your girl flowers, too. I expected your ma, to teach you so.” 

Ashley huffed a laugh “ He did, it was about twice as big. I left it at home when he picked me up.” Steve finally sat down, a little flushed. But he couldn’t let his manners slip. This was one of the first real dates he had. It felt like old times, the only difference being that the girl next to him actually interested in him and didn’t just come along to get a chance with his friend. 

They settled down, enjoying food and drink, talking about all kinds of things. Ash talked about her training. She had passed most tests and classes and was to be employed as an assisting agent on bigger missions soon. Steve was visibly proud of her achievements. 

They had been on a smaller surveillance mission a few weeks ago and showed great potential. 

He was nervous about being with her at first. It seemed wrong to be dating one of the trainees but Sam had assured him, that they were both adults 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work. I never realized how hard it is to write more that 3 people interacting. I hope it wasn't too confusing. 
> 
> Lots of love!
> 
> I hope to hear from you in the comments :)


	29. decipher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I upload a day ahead of schedule. Got to prepare a lot for the next exam. :,) Lord have mercy on me.
> 
> Hotel California- Passenger : https://open.spotify.com/track/5nS9WEWYnbQDBAe81SHhDP?si=qLSQbxsdRse6Rf_dhwvX2Q

“Jesus Buck, stop moving or it will smudge.” Y/n moved the black eye pencil along his waterline. Her tongue was sticking out slightly, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Bucky had agreed to dressing up as a vampire couple, he was perplexed at first but it was a clever idea to hide in plain sight. So they ordered cheap costumes online, the itchy polyester type that would hardly stay in place throughout the night. But it didn’t matter, it was worth the joke. Y/n put on dramatic makeup, dark eyeshadow, deep red lipstick, and fake blood stains along her chin. It looked ridiculous but that was exactly why he loved it so much. After a lot of fuzzing around and begging she had gotten him to agree to wear makeup, even if it was only a little eyeliner. He didn’t like the feeling of it but for her sake, he agreed. His hair was put up in a somewhat elegant bun, a weird frilly tie was tied around his neck, resting on top of the white dress shirt, the frills tickled his necker now and again.

He felt stupid but this type of childish dress up and silliness felt good, it rooted him. 

  
“I’m not even moving. But you keep poking my eye.” His gaze was on the ceiling, his lower eyelids twitching from the unknown feeling. He was trying hard not to tear up. Y/n had sat him down on a chair at the dinner table, her make-up equipment spread out on the surface next to them. “You are going to smudge it up afterward. Why apply it so carefully.” He huffed.

“Because that’s something different.” She replied, finishing up the last stroke. Moving back a little and turning his face with the fingers that rested against his chin, Y/n inspected her work. She nodded, a playful grin on her lips.” There, all done.” She brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen out of his bun, kissing the part of his temple where it had rested. “My brave soldier.” She cooed.   
Bucky grunted, pulling her down into his lap. He tried to kiss her but Y/n turned her face away, she wouldn’t allow him to disturb her makeup, so he went for her neck instead, placing soft kisses on the soft skin below her ear. 

She hummed contently, holding onto his shoulders. “ Are you excited?” She asked, letting him push away the fabric on her shoulder to get better access. “For the party? No. But seeing Steve all flustered about his girl. Absolutely.” He chuckled low, trailing his lips along her shoulder and towards her collar bone. 

“I heard that Thor is going to bring Asgardian Ale. So you guys can get buzzed.” She grinned down at him. “ What, you want to get me drunk?” He grinned up at her, his hands massaging her waist.

“That's not what I’m saying, but it might be nice to just take the edge off. Tony only invited friends, no press so we can relax.” Bucky hummed in agreement, gently patting her back to get her to stand up. “I think we are already late. Let’s go.” 

___________________________

And just as they had assumed, Thor found them quickly, pulling Bucky towards a sitting area in the great hall where Steve and a few other Asgardians had gathered, drinking and laughing. A few stone pitchers sat on the table in the middle, containing the Asgardian ale and by the light tint on Steve’s cheeks, it seemed to have its effect on the super-soldier. Ashley sat next to him, his arm warped around her waist while she talked to Charlotte and a few other girls that had found their spot next to the warriors. Ash’s eyes lit up when she spotted Y/n, she waved her over, patting the spot next to her on the sofa. 

“You seemed to have lost your guy to the booze as well.” Ash chuckled, both watching Steve embrace Bucky with a big hug, holding on for a little too long before pushing his cup into Bucky’s hand and watching with a drunken grin as he took a sip.   
“Yeah, we stand no chance against the possibility of getting drunk.” Y/n replied with a low chuckle. 

The girls laughed, talking about their time since they last saw each other but were swiftly interrupted when Charlotte ran towards then, a huge smile on her lips. “Oh my god, you guys!” She cheered, hugging them both with a little too much force. “You gotta come and dance with me!” She pulled them to their feet, both overwhelmed by the blond's excitement. 

Bucky gave Y/n a confused look. Steve had already, filled his cup once more, toasting. She smiled at him, pointing towards Charlotte and mounting the word ‘ Dance’ to him. He nodded, leaning back on the couch and turning his attention back to Steve. 

  
The synth intro of Earth, Wind & Fire's ” Let’s groove tonight” came up when the three started dancing together, moving to the rhythm. Tony moved through the crowd, triggering another fangirl scream from Charlotte. The atmosphere was relaxed, everyone was having a good time, dancing, drinking, and enjoying themselves. Only a few agents were invited, mostly those who were already working with the team or were preparing to do so, a good chance to get to know the team and the new agents before going on missions together. 

Ashley swirled Y/n, they were chatting a little, watching Charlie flirted and danced with one of the new agents. But then it all came crashing down.

The music stopped, a loud groan and booes came from the crowd, they were all looking around for the DJ. Then a shot ran out. Screaming. All doors locked themselves, the blinds on the windows came down. 

Everything was cast in darkness. Out of instinct Y/n grabbed Ashley’s hand, pulling her behind herself. It was an attack no doubt and even with her powers Y/n could only make out very little in the pitch black. They were defenseless. No one took their weapons to the party, they wanted to have a little fun without being weighed down by thoughts about their work.

Y/n reached around, trying to find Charlotte but she was too far away and neither of the two dared to move.

Suddenly a yelp just off to her left. Charlotte. 

  
Then the lights came back on. Most of the crowd had gathered around the exits. Women whimpering, silent tears running down their cheeks. Some were trying to break open the door but they were electronically secured. To keep out unwanted guests and threats, now they trapped the people. How ironic. 

Thor and the others had risen to their feet. A few Asgardians had pulled out hidden weapons, axes resting in their hands, ready to defend their friends. Bucky stood still, his eyes trained on Y/n giving her a small nod. She held Ashley close, ready to defend her if necessary. 

A small cry, the clicking of a gun, brought Y/n’s attention back to the people on her left. 

Charlotte.

She was crying, eyes shut tightly. The cute brunette that had just asked her to dance was now pushing the barrel of a gun against her head. His back was towards the windows, he knew what to do, how to take hostages. A trained fighter.

“The winter soldier for the girl.” He pushed the gun deeper into Charlotte's blond hair, making her whimper in fear. 

Y/n’s jaw locked, she looked around for the other avengers but they were unprepared. Tony had left, probably getting the electricity back on to open the lock on the doors. Sam was by the crowd, ushering them towards the exit, trying to keep them calm. Steve had no shield, Nat and Wanda weren’t in the building. Neither was Bruce. 

Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat, she looked towards Bucky, shaking her head ever so slightly. 

“The winter soldier for the girl.” The attacker repeated a little more aggressively.

Steve started walking towards the girls, but he stopped quickly when a woman in the crowd pulled out a gun, pulling Sam against her front. “ No one moves.” Her icy gaze moved over the weakened Avengers.

Great. More moles. 

Steve stopped, he was breathing heavily, his panicked eyes moved towards Ashley.

  
“Let her go. She has nothing to do with this.” Y/n replied calmly, showing the attacker her empty hands. 

“Too bad. We want him. Now.” He pulled back the bolt. 

“Okay,” Bucky spoke in a calm, small voice. His hard gaze on the attackers. “ I’ll go with you. But let the others go.” 

The man nodded, a few seconds later the doors opened, letting the panicked crowd escape.  
They had to be clever. If the team acted too fast and killed the attackers while the people were still in the building, there would be no guarantee that the other moles wouldn't kill the guests.

But Bucky knew that. Hell, he had been doing that job for the last 70 years. He moved slowly, showing the man his hands, he walked past Y/n but he didn’t dare look at her. 

Slowly the gun was lowered from Charlotte's face, the man moved carefully but still a gust of wind hit Y/n.

  
Mold. 

  
She detected the slightest scent of mold. The same black mold that had been growing on the old, wet walls of the Hydra base where they had kept her. They were here. Destroying everything that she had built up after the last time. Crush everything that Bucky had built for himself.

Blind rage took over.

She snarked and before anyone could register what was happening Y/n let go of Ashley, pushing forward and burying her fangs in the HYDRA'S carotid artery, cutting it in two. He dropped to the floor not even a second later, his dead weight pulling Charlotte to the floor with him. He frantically tried to push a hand against the wound but he bled out in seconds. The girl cried out, trying to push his dead hands off of her and scrambling to safety.

Y/n didn’t see it, she was already sprinting towards the ginger woman that held Sam, she was frozen in fear, unable to move.  
With a quick movement, Y/n snapped her neck. No mercy. 

And her hypothesis was right. She had the same smell of mold on her. From there it was quick work. Like a bloodhound she detected the HYDRA agent, taking them out one by one. 

It felt good. Revenge for all the pain and suffering that they had put her and her friends through. 

When she had finished them off Y/n casually walked back to the hall. Her front was covered in blood, soaking the cheap material of her dress a dark, wet color. 

Charlotte was still crying. Ashley had pulled her to the side, blocking her view from the body that lay in the dark puddle. The wild energy of the hunt still clouded Y/n senses as she watched the other avengers, most of them still frozen in fear. 

Bucky walked over to her, he moved slowly. For as much as he loved and trusted her, he still knew that it would be a stupid idea to agitate her in this state.   
“Are you okay?" He asked, ripping off the tie around his neck to clean up her face.   
Y/n simply nodded, letting him clean off the blood. 

Steve jogged over to them, suddenly completely sober. “How many were there?” He asked quietly.   
She didn’t find his gaze, Y/n was staring at Ashley, the way she was rubbing Charlotte's back in small circles.   
She had just blown her cover. Most Likely traumatized the blond girl for her entire life.   
“Seven HYDRA agents. They all had that smell of black mold. I remember it from my cell.”

Steve simply nodded.   
“We need to find out how they managed to take over the tower’s security.” He had eye contact with Sam, silently telling to prepare for an emergency meeting.

“Thank you, Y/n” He nodded towards Ashley “Truly.” His eyes were a little teary.   
“Get some rest.” He nodded at Bucky before taking off.   
Bucky ushered her to the couch where they had just been drinking but Y/n wouldn’t move. She was still staring at Ashley.   
Her soft brown eyes held a sense of calm understanding. 

“So it’s true?” She asked quietly, still holding Charlotte against her chest. 

“ You are a vampire.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I'm back with the gore. We are on our way to the dark night of the soul. In other words: All above the angst train!


	30. your

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chapter. It's too hot to do anything.

Just as quickly as the commotion had started, it died down. All guests had left the building, leaving the remaining agents and avengers to figure out a plan to deal with the fallout.   
Steve and Tony had abandoned the others quickly to set up an emergency meeting. They had to find an agreement on how to deal with the security breach and what do now. 

HYDRA had found them and managed to threaten them, hunt them down at their most vulnerable and they nearly got what they wanted. 

After a few minutes on the sofa, resting in Buckys embrace Y/n had calmed down again. She opened her eyes, watching Thor discuss something with his Asgardian friends, Ashley had taken Charlotte to the bathroom to clean her up and wash her face with cold water, in order to calm her nerves. 

“Why can’t our life just be calm. Just for a few months.” Y/n murmured into Bucky's chest. She was staring ahead, eyes focused on the body that still lay on the floor, soaking in its blood. No one had gotten around to clean up and to be fair, no one felt the need to. There were many more important things to take care of first. 

“Trust me doll, I’ve asked myself the same question plenty of times,” Bucky mumbled into her hair. He placed a lingering kiss on her neck, inhaling her scent to ground himself. At least they always had each other. 

“I think we need to get up. Gotta clean up before we go to that meeting.” With a sigh, Y/n freed herself from Bucky’s arms. He simply hummed, rubbing his eyes before getting up.   
Y/n stayed seated on the grey cushion, she looked down at her hands. The red nail polish she had applied was now caked in another layer of red, creating dark splotches. She let out a shuddered breath. All she had hoped for was a nice party with her friends, but in the end, it turned into yet another bloodfest. Terrified guests, blood-covered hallways, and two traumatized friends. How lovely. 

“Hey doll,” Bucky’s hand slid along her cheek, lifting her chin.” You did great, okay? I don’t want to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t reacted so quickly.”   
His eyes were glassy, shimmering with tears. HE knew exactly what would have happened. He’d be back in the chair, his brains scrambled once more. HYDRAS puppet.

“I know…. It’s just…” She shook her head gently. 

Bucky crouched down in front of her. “ You know what? After this mission, we go on a nice holiday. You can choose where. I think we both deserve that.” He kissed her cheek, smiling when he felt her nod against his cheek. 

“Yeah, holiday sounds good.” She took his hand, leading her to the elevation to get changed. 

____________________________________

A knock at the door made Y/n look up in confusion. She was in the bathroom, cleaning off her makeup, Bucky laid on the bed, reading some paper. 

“I’ll get it” Y/n called, dabbing her face with a towel before walking to the apartment door.

Her eyes widened in surprise. Ashley stood in the hall, green paint still covering her face and arms. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you and I need help to get this off.” She smiled kindly, nodding towards her green hand.   
Y/n look at her for a bit longer, surprised by her honest and direct approach. She knew that they had to talk about what had happened but the expected that talk to take place on another day. 

Y/n shook her head, noticing her awkward behavior. “Yea, yes of course.” She stepped aside to let Ash in. She watched her friends movement, scanning for anything that would suggest fright. But Ashley was behaving as always, knowing the layout of the building she walked towards the bathroom, nodding towards Bucky in the bedroom.

She placed the small cotton bag she carried on the sink, Y/n had not noticed it in her hands. 

“I got these wipes. Steve wanted to help but.. you know how busy he is now.” She chuckled, binding her thick hair in a bun on top of her head.

Y/n nodded, taking one of the wipes and gently cleaning the color on Ashley's neck and shoulders. They stayed silent. Y/n bit her lip, thinking of a way to start a conversation about ...everything.. without being to forward or off.   
But Ashley broke her to it.

“I don’t care. Just so you know.” She spoke softly. Her eyes watching her own face in the mirror.

“Pardon?” Y/n asked her, stopping for a moment. 

“I don’t care that you are a vampire. In fact, I kind of guessed that from the beginning.” Ashley watched her friend’s reflection on the mirror. Multiple emotions crossed her face. 

“How?” Y/n whispered. Her hands resting on Ashley’s shoulder.

“Well, your skillset is quite peculiar. And then also the fact that Steve isn’t the best at keeping secrets.” She chuckled, taking another wipe to start on her face.

Y/n still needed some time to take it in. She had expected to Ashley, the more level headed one of the two, to respond like this. But it came as a surprise at how fast and cool she responded.

“You saved a lot of people today, Y/n. That pretty much explains why you are such a good addition to the team.” Ashley wrung out the cloth, green water gathering in the sink. 

“Thank you.” The woman behind her whispered, gently holding onto Ash’s shoulder. She placed her own hand over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

They resumed their work. Cleaning off most of the green paint and makeup.   
“How is Charlotte?” Y/n asked, working on a spot of particularly resistant makeup at Ashley's neck. 

“She’ll be okay. In fact, I think she was more shaken from being held hostage than seeing you all…” Ashley motioned around her face “ You, vamped out.” 

Y/n gave a little snort. “ That’s good to know.” She finished off the last splotch on Ashley’s back before stepping away, nodding at her work.” Yup, all clean.” 

“Good, then let’s go plan the avenging.”


	31. series

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no!
> 
> Song of the day:  
> Wonderful Life- Smith & Burrows  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/2l9HDZnaCCaPxhL4fPWScK?si=Rz2NuY78SCu-yCuxwTM3Gg

“Wow, I certainly didn’t expect this much backup.” Tony’s eyes traveled over the massive group of people that had gathered in the room. So many, that they had to collect more chairs of the other rooms, creating a double row in the back, the seats filled by fierce warriors and shield maidens.

“Whoever attacks Asgard's allies must expect it’s full wrath. “Thor announced, standing proudly, the others in the back were nodding in agreement. Only the lean, dark-haired person next to him scoffed, pulling Thor back into his seat. Y/n had been intrigued by him ever since he arrived. Loki, Thor had introduced his brother. He was a sorcerer and held an incredible similarity to another dark-haired grump that Y/n was familiar with. Loki pulled Thor by the belt of his armor, muttering something about an oaf, making Bucky chuckle.

“Well, we earthlings thank you.” Tony gave a little bow, before continuing  
“Right, so. Here are some facts.” He pushed a button, making a hologram appear in the middle of the table, stretching up to the ceiling.   
Mugshots of seven people, women and men, appeared. Their names written under each picture.   
“Darling Thorn was absolutely right, not that I doubt you, Y/N.” He blew a kiss to her, Steve scoffed, telling him to get to the point.   
“Yes, all 7 intruders were HYDRA Agents. And luckily no guests were injured. But that leaves us with the question: Where did they come from?” Tony announced, showing off.

“Tony, please get to the point. We can’t waste any time.” Steve, sighed, crossing his legs. 

“Geez, Steve. I’ll get there.” He changed to slide to a document.  
” We managed to identify all of them, and Y/n was right again. They all trained in the same facility.” 

Y/n picked up “ The one they held me at in Canada?” She asked, her fist curling in the cotton of her shirt. It would come to no surprise if her demons came back to haunt her. 

“No, but they were in close exchange with the base we found you at. HYDRA doesn’t seem to take hygiene all too serious, we found spores all over them.” A map appeared a small red dot, in the middle of a dark green vastness.

“According to the data that we were able to collect from our dear friend Mr. Eber, may he rest somewhere, we traced them back to base in Russia.” The map zoomed in, a small grey building seemingly lost to the unforgiving ice and snow. 

Bucky’s eyes widened, several memories flashed behind his eyes. The chair, Zola, the freezing cold consuming him whole. His breath quickened, he felt Steve's concerned look on him. Y/n picked up on it quickly, squeezing his hand and in her smaller one. She carefully turned towards him, kissing his clothed shoulder and whispering calming words. 

“It’s the one they held me at,” Bucky spoke in a shaking voice. “Between the 80’ and 90’s “ He added before taking another shuddered breath and leaving the conversation once again.

Tony simply nodded, he felt a surge of anger. He had his problems with accepting Bucky on the team, the murderer of his parents. But he managed to forgive him, he didn’t do any of these crimes on purpose, and yet, from time to time it stung to watch him. To see him happy after what damage he had caused to him and the world. Tony swallowed the lump in his throat before he continued.   
“That’s right. They were managed and sent from there so we will strike back as soon as possible”   
Tony nodded towards Steve, signaling him to take over. The iron man sat down on the seat that Steve had just occupied. His right hand slowly moved over his goatee, a calming tic, then he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back. 

Steve stood at the table, his written notes in hand. Bucky noticed the chaste handwriting, Steve usually wrote in a calm and steady hand. He must be nervous too. 

“Okay, I split the team into 5 groups.” Steve clicked the remote, changing the hologram to a picture of the building's layout. “I want two teams outside, checking the parameters for targets and backup that might show up. For that, we use agents with wide range weaponry. Falcon, Black widow, and Stark, you will operate here.” He pointed towards a part of the map that was cast in red. “ A group of Asgardians will act as foot soldiers. Thor, I expect you to sort out the best for that job.” Thor nodded to Steve “ Good. Next, we will keep Doctor Banner and Dr. Cho close for backup. They will stay in the jet in case we have to call a code green or need medical assistance. 2 teams enter the building. Me and trainee Agent Ashley Lewis will watch the doors and exits.”

A small smile appeared on Steve's lips but he cleared his throat, returning to his professional attitude. 

“ Thor and Loki take care of the ground levels. And Sargent Barns along with Thorn and Trainee Agent Charlotte Becker take the basement. You are our best in hand to hand combat.” 

Steve was about to move on but Y/n interrupted him. She had watched Charlotte and her lack of response confused her. She had expected Charlotte to frown or show any other way of distaste when Steve announced that they will be working along. Ashley had told her that the blond was supposedly fine with working with the vampire. Still, it felt like they were moving on too fast. Maybe Charlotte needed a day before going on any mission. 

“Steve, are you sure about sending Charlotte with us?” Y/n motioned her finger between Bucky and herself. She said 'to work with them both' but even Steve knew that she actually meant herself. Would Charlotte be okay to work alongside her?

“Y/n, I understand your doubt but Agent Becker specifically asked me to put you on a team together.” Steve looked at Charlotte expecting a reaction. The blond girl smiled brightly and nodded. “Yeah, I feel like we would make a good team.” She beamed at Y/n.  
Y/n smiled back at her but her eyes stayed neutral. She knew that Charlotte wanted to be trained for hand to hand but her willingness to march right into battle confused Y/n. She thought that a girl, so untouched and good-spirited, would need to catch a break and work over the things that she had experienced not even 24 hours ago. 

But Y/n decided against arguing with her. Charlie was old enough to make her own decisions and to stay close to Bucky and Y/N was frankly a good plan. Both of them were more than capable of keeping her safe. 

The vampire nodded, accepting the result of the discussion. Steve continued his talk for a little longer. He named the time of arrival and take off, what gear they would use, and so on. After 20 minutes he asked the groups to split up and get ready. They were to leave in half an hour. No time should be lost to HYDRA in case they were going to reform or organize back up. For all, they knew HYDRA might not even know that the agents were dead.

____________________________

Y/n helped Bucky with dressing up in his combat uniform. The countless zips and buckles closed much faster when he didn’t have to work with a mirror at all times. 

They got onto the jet, Steve organized the groups to use 3 air crafts so that they could land in different spots all around the base. In the jet, Y/n got her first close up meeting with Thor’s brother.

Loki sat in one of the jump seats, he was strapped in a seat belt, the leather straps looked like they belonged to his complicated armor. The couple sat down opposite to the brothers and Y/n noticed how Loki seized her up. His lips were pressed into a tight line and he appeared to be thinking. She ignored it, striking a simple conversation with Bucky until they were interrupted mid-sentence. 

“ My brother told me about you, Vannirdá.” He spoke with confidence, watching Y/n expression turn into a frown. She turned towards him.  
“What did you call me?” She had not expected him to address her. And even so, she wanted him to explain himself. 

“ You are a Vannirdá. A woman of Vannaheim. Is it not so?” He went on, a smug smile on his lips. Thor seemed embarrassed by his brother's bold attitude. He called Loki in a hushed tone. 

“No. I am from earth. I was human until someone turned me into this.” She sat up straight, watching him with a matching attitude. Bucky's gaze moved between the two, not sure whether they were going to fight…

“They passed a curse onto you. I am interested in it. Perhaps-” He was interrupted by a slightly sweaty and out of breath CHarlotte. She carried a big duffle bag, dressed in the all-black standard uniform. “ Hey, Hi! Sorry I had to get some stuff from the training facility and then I met Joe on the way out. He told me about the new jet situation and then I had to change the hanger and-” She stopped her rambling when the pilot asked for taking off. 

Bucky answered quickly “ Aye, we are all here.” The pilot nodded swiftly, calling in the ramp and closing the jet doors. 

Charlotte cleared her throat, now a little less excited than before. She watched the different people in the room.   
Thor seemed neutral, waiting, and preparing for the action. Bucky was pretty much the same. He looked around the room, sometimes checking his belt, how well the pistols rested in it. 

Loki watched her with an annoyed frown. 

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?” No one responded so she kept talking, hoping to fight the crushing silence “ I heard you two talking and I didn’t mean to make you stop. So you know, go on… Or don’t I don’t want to force you to talk. Maybe you were close to finishing the conversation and I just came in when you were already do-” 

Loki quickly raised his and with whatever magic made her shut up. He turned towards Thor. “ I refuse to work with this mortal. I believe my ears will start bleeding if I have to hear more.” 

Thor chuckled low “ You don’t have to do either way. She will stay with Sargent Barnes and his lady.”   
Thor’s comment meant well but both Y/n and Bucky felt their cheeks heating up. They were about to interject when they got the notice that the jet will land soon. 

  
_____________________________

  
The groups separated as they had discussed. All of them stated in radio contact and got into position. The Asgardians split the group at the lower level staircase. 

Charlotte stayed close to the two. She got very excited to be in charge of the radio communication and whenever Y/n asked her to check something with the map. The older woman felt like she had to give the trainee a job, to keep her occupied. All went splendid until they arrived at a dead end. 

The tunnel they had been going through was supposed to go on for another few hundred meters but it ended abruptly with a big steel gate right in front of them. Bucky frowned at it. He couldn’t remember any doors being there. It had been a few years since he last saw the inside of this building but he was certain about this detail. Still, the door looked quite old.

“I don’t remember this being here…” He walked closer, looking for any hinges or locks but it seemed to be solid, connected the wall. 

“Charlie, can you check the map?” Y/n called the blond girl.   
She was staring intensely at the tablet in her hand. “ Sure, but uh, I can’t see it on here. Maybe it’s retractable? You know like a… those doors that we keep in the halls…?” She looked at Y/n hoping that she could help her out.

“The fireproof gates?” Y/n asked quizzically. 

Charlotte’s eyes widened, happy that she found the word she was looking for. “ Yes! They have these emergency close and open buttons. Maybe it’s the same.”

“Yeah, might be the case” Bucky shrugged and looked at Y/n like a concerned parent.  
She thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I guess…. Maybe look take a look at the walls…” She instructed Charlotte. The girl nodded, studying the walls for any suspicious knobs or buttons. 

Charlotte found a lever not too far from the door. “ Here! Let’s see what it does.”   
She pulled the lever. First, nothing happened.

Then a loud mechanical beep. Bucky and Y/n waited for the gate to open but nothing happened. 

Wait...

Y/n felt a cold shower run down her back. A low rumbling sounds from the ceiling but it came from behind them. She turned around just in time to see the glass door dropping to the floor, effectively cutting off the other side. 

“no…” 

  
“Whoopsy…” Charlotte stood on the other side of the glass panel. She looked confused, comically tapping her chin in thought.   
“Maybe it’s just a trap!” A huge smile spread on her face, taunting the trapped avengers. 

Bucky stood frozen, still facing the gate. His hands here curled into firsts, his mechanisms in his left buzzing loudly. 

“Charlotte…”

  
“You really learn anything.” The blond scoffed, pulling out a small device. She tapped the side before speaking into it. 

“Hey~” She spoke in a sing-song voice. “ I got the two idiots. Easier than expected.” She shook her head, laughing quietly. “ Wait for a second, I’ll put you on speaker.” She tapped the device a few times causing an ear-splitting screech to come up out of the hidden speakers inside the small room Bucky and Y/n were stuck in. 

Then the static broke away. 

“ добро пожаловать обратно, солдат” 

Bucky closed his eyes, his jaw squeezed shut. He felt bright anger run through his veins. How could he be so so stupid? He reached out to Y/n, pulling her close by her arm. She quickly turned around, waiting for him to speak and explain.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, a shaky hand ran along her cheek.  
“James, what?” Y/n shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears. 

“You need to run. And if you can’t…” He took a deep breath closing her eyes tightly. “ Do whatever you have to. I love you…” 

“Bucky, no, I…” She cupped his cheek, tears running down her face. She had her assumptions about what he was implying but she refused to accept it. 

Suddenly his face turned into a cold mask. No emotions. It’s for the best. 

“Zemo. It’s him” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST TRAIN CHO CHO! 
> 
> I'm so sorry but we aren't at the bottom of the pit yet. Things have to get worse before getting better


	32. of code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All triger warnings apply here. 
> 
> I'm so sorry.
> 
> All of them dreams - Tom Rosenthal  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0EWZ8a0sQAR99ZYAWlaQvq?si=SivH7ukXSwughlC2BfteCA

In moments like these, the most logical approach was to listen to one's fight or flight instinct, nature's way to deal with a close deadly threat. It seemed right to run from an approaching predator, leave to save one’s life. But Y/n didn’t.

She stood, watching Bucky with a sympathetic look, regret filling every cell of her body. 

How could she be so stupid? Looking back, Charlotte just seemed too good. Too kind and sweet to work in a field like this. She was skilled, more than a trainee was supposed to be but she hid it well. 

_ Be clever and play dumb.  _

And they had fallen right into her trap. 

Y/n took a shaky breath, her eyes were stinging with salty tears but now was not the time to cry. Her fingers curled into fists.  _ So fucking stupid. _

With a guttural scream, Y/n took off, running towards the glass wall. She hit it with all of her power, feeling the bones in her hand crack, her pinkie’s most likely broken. 

Not even a scratch. It only served a purpose in making the blond snitch flinch for just a second. Then she erupted into hysterical laughter. 

“Cute, but no.” Charlotte secured a device on her hip belt. “You know what? I think the two of you are actually quite adorable.” She flashed a smile “Too bad that you are going to rip each other apart. “ The smile grew and spread into a disturbing grimace “ Sadly I can’t stay for the show. Someone has to go and tell the others of this horrible tragedy.” 

Y/n furrowed her eyebrows, Charlotte was still grinning, clearing her throat before.

THUMP

Buck was momentarily released from his thoughts. He watched in horror as Charlotte smashed her face against the glass. The skin on her forehead broke, leaving a trail of blood to trickle down her face. 

With a groan she stepped back, touching the blood on her face and smearing it a little further. “ That should do the trick.” She sounded a little out of breath.

“Now keep quiet children. Mommy has to call big daddy and tell him about this horrible attack.” She smiled sweetly at the two, placing a finger against her lips to hush them. Then she took a few quick breaths, making her voice wearier before pushing the talk button on her walkie talkie.

“Steve!?” She cried hysterically. “ Steve...I-... we need help ther-” She let go of the button, comically counting the seconds till they got a signal from the other side.

“Charlotte? Where are you, what’s going on?” Steve sounded confused, his background was noisy as if in the middle of a fight. 

“We were attacked, an ambush! They got Bucky. “ She turned, looking Y/n dead in the eye before continuing,” Y/n she-, oh my god… there is so much blood.” 

Y/n felt the hairs on her neck spike up. This was her plan then. Use the old code to reactivate the winter soldier and end her. It was clever really and worked better than she would have expected. 

Bucky, still stood at the other side of the wall, his back pressed against the cool rusty metal. He was fighting hard not to fall into a panic attack. He was scared but what frightened him more was how calm Y/n stayed. 

Charlotte smashed the communication device, shooting it twice for good measure. Y/n just watched, too stunned to fight back. “So this was the plan all along? “ She spoke somberly. 

The blond simply shrugged. “ Yeah, I mean it’s cool but I feel like it could have been more spectacular. Like burning on a stake spectacular.” She nodded to herself. “But I don’t make the deals here.” She readjusted her clothes and weapons before turning and speaking into her earpiece. 

“I got the bait set out boss, time to work the magic.” She bowed dramatically to Y/n and Bucky before running off to god knows where.

This was it then. 395 years for nothing. No goodbyes, no grand finale. All those things she wanted to experience.

Death was to come in the form of her first real love. 

It seemed rather poetic in a sense. 

Adam would surly worry, but then he had warned her of this kind of job. Somewhere at some point, they would meet again and he could have his most grand ‘I told you so’ moment. 

Y/n smiled, blinking away the tears in her eyes. Bucky was scared and hurting and her top priority was to make him feel safe for as long as she could.

She turned around to watch him, a small reassuring smile on her lips. He looked so lost. His hands shook slightly. 

Then the first pang :

** Longing **

Bucky’s eyes widened as if hearing a loud bang. He looked shocked. He expected this to happen but hearing the words again hit harder than he had dreamed. 

With quick steps, Y/n advanced towards him. She’D be damned if she couldn't give him at least a little support on the way. But she wasn’t fast enough and before she reached him the next one rang out.

** Rusted **

Bucky cried out, covering his ears like a child. Without thinking he let himself sink to his knees and into Y/n embrace.

She pulled him against her chest, one arm around his shoulders, the other pushing his head against her bust. “ Shhhh, It’s okay.” 

** Seventeen **

He still pressed his hands against his ears, crying out “ no, no, no…” 

Y/n kissed his hair, “ I’m here, it’s okay.” 

** Daybreak **

He realized that he couldn’t block it out so instead, he wrapped his arms around her hips clinging to her like a small child. “ No, please, I don’t want to …” 

** Furnace **

They were halfway through, Bucky felt how his mind began to slip. It made him panic, ripping himself from Y/n. “ You have to go…” He murmured, holding her face between his hands. 

** Nine **

“Fuck, Baby, You need to go!” He struggled back onto his feet, pushing her away “ You need to go!”

** Benign **

She didn’t move, shaking her head and holding him by his arms. What scared him most was the calm look on her face. “ No, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.” 

** Homecoming **

He tried to argue but she pulled him down into a kiss, her force stronger than him “I’ve had a good run. It’s okay” Even if she wanted to escape, there was no way out. 

Now it was time to face the danger boldly. 

** One **

Bucky exhaled, his vision was clouded, movements slower. It was the calm before the storm.

He simply melted into her touch, accepting her lips, reaching as much as still possible.

“I love you.” He mumbled, eyes heavy, he felt her smile against his lisp, a small laugh coming from her. 

“ I love you, too. “ 

** Freight car **

Silence. 

Y/n held onto Bucky’s slumped form, he felt like a ragdoll.

“Soldat?” Zemo’s voice came through the static speaker. 

Suddenly all of his muscles clenched, he rose, standing straight. His look was off, starring into the distance. 

Y/n wondered what Charlotte must be up to. Was she with the others, telling them lies about what had happened to them? She prayed to whatever god that the team would be clever enough to look through her act. 

“Ja” Bucky’s voice boomed through the narrow room. But it wasn’t him, Y/n had to remember. It was the winter soldier, awoken from his hibernation.

She took a few careful steps back. Y/n was not going down without a fight. 

“Kill her.” Two words. That was all that it took for him to snap, his head turning quickly towards her. 

They had spared back at the tower. It was all in good fun, trying to see who was stronger, training for the real fight. But both of them held back. That’s why she didn’t see it coming. 

The winter soldier reached out, grabbing her head with no mercy and slammed it against the wall. It collided with full force and Y/n wasn’t expecting it. 

Her vision was swimming, a dull ringing in her ears but before she could get up, he had taken hold of her shirt, pulling her up to the wall to punch her with the other arm. 

the metal rang out, hitting bone. 

“Ah, Fuck! “ Y/n yelled, she was used to taking the first action. Blood started running down her face. Her nose felt like it was broken. 

He pulled back his fist, reading himself for the next hit.

But it was blocked by her hands, she held onto his fist. Yelling, pushing back. 

He seemed annoyed, pulling back again. 

But this time Y/n attacked first. 

She leaned forward, holding onto his metal arm, and with all of her force she pulled it off. 

She fell to the floor, the heavy metal object landed next to her on the floor. 

The soldier was crying out in pain. Clutching the bleeding stump on his shoulder.

Y/n used the moment to get back on her feet, grimacing at the bloody object. She remembered that Bucky had told her of T’Challa’s gift, Shuri had built a completely new prosthetic, connecting it to his nerves and neural network.

It must feel like losing his arm all over again.

** “ ** Bucky, please, wake up!” She hoped that the pain was a strong enough sensation to make him snap out of it. But it only made the Soldier angrier.

He growled at her, but with only one arm she had an advantage. 

Y/n quickly ducked his swings moving around him and landing a few hits here and there. He was getting tired, his eyes became clouded, maybe from blood loss.

She used a good moment to kick him in the stomach, the soldier curled into himself clutching his front. He cursed, taking a moment to collect his energy.

Y/n’s hope grew, he was getting weaker and it wouldn’t take long for the other to arrive. She had to hold on for a little bit longer. 

She pulled his shirt up to her face, cleaning away the blood on her face Only a few more minutes.

The soldier was still hunched over and for a split second, Y/n thought about approaching him.

“Y/n!” A hollow voice cried from behind the glass. It came from somewhere down the hallway, advancing quickly. The low rumble of an engine accompanied it. And for the first time, she was glad that Sam was interrupting them.

She had been distracted for just a few seconds, but it was more than enough. The winter soldier grinned a smug smile. She had forgotten about the handgun she foolishly gave her lover before entering the layer. She told him that she did not need it, she mostly fought in direct hand to hand. 

He pulled the gun, one shot was enough. 

Y/n heard a click, her eyes locking onto his blue ones. They looked deeper, a bolder color then she remembered. 

Then it all fades to black. 

The winter soldier always finishes his missions.


	33. A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things will get better eventually , I promise!
> 
> Visions of Gideon - Sufjan Stevens https://open.spotify.com/track/0SUDiaR0qm30fXVGPjPvRp?si=N4-xmBB_TRKk3uLwLjrKew
> 
> Playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2vffbd1bT26FsyHxkzU4dL?si=d8Mi3Z5PRjqGU47SJShs7g

Sam had had his fair share of traumatic events. But nothing from neither his job in the army nor the horrors he had seen during his time with the Avengers could have prepared him for his. 

_ In the background, some old 90’s songs were playing. Sam had put on his Saturday night playlist, gently bobbing his head to the songs while listening to the others. It was pizza night. Tony had ordered a whole bunch after a, particularly exhausting week to commemorate and honor the coming weekend. Most team members had already left for bed but Sam, Steve, and Tony were left, munching on the last few pieces and enjoying a few drinks.  _

_ Y/n stayed with them, watching the event with a shy smile, and curious looks. She was still new and only felt like opening up to Sam. He had taken her in with a funny sense of awe and fascination. It felt strange at first to answer his questions about her life, the past but over time she had gotten used to it and even started to enjoy them. The loved how his eyes would sparkle like a little kid when she told him about some historic event or explain to him how vampire things really work.  _

_ He leaned forward, the drink sloshed in his hand. His movement made Y/n gaze up, catching his eyes. He took a moment to make sure she was listening.  _

_ “So, Immortally.” He started, his voice moving down to underline the statement.  _

_ “How does that work.” He leaned back, watching her like a smug interviewer.  _

_ His open question made her huff, she smiled watching him with a similar kind of smugness. “That’s quite a broad question. But generally, I’d say, it means not being able to die.” She grinned, taking a sip of her gin tonic.  _

_ Sam whined, looking painted for a moment before his expression turned into annoyance. “ Well yeah, I figured but like-” He looked up, thinking for a moment.  _

_ “I learned that wood is the key, you know? Like uh,-” He gestured vaguely. “ A wooden stake through the heart could kill a vampire.” He played out a little scene, pretending to hold something in his hand and then pushing his fist against his left chest, with a screech.  _

_ Y/n chuckled tiredly watching his little enactment. “No, I don’t think that’s how it works.” She shook her head with a well-meaning look.  _

_ “But have you tried it?” He asked challengingly, swirling his drink with the straw. Y/n huffed a laugh, taking a long sip of her drink. She looked into the glass, thinking for a moment.  _

_ “I haven’t but it doesn’t sound too pleasant.” _

A bloodbath wasn’t the right word to describe the scene. It was much worse. Not only because of the grime and dirt that seemed to cover the entire length of the hallway or the way it mixed with the black and red liquid, some bits swimming on top of it like oil. 

No. 

It was a scene straight out of his nightmare. Because he knew them. His colleagues, his friends. 

Sam nearly doubled his speed at the heart-dropping sound of a shot being fired. It was loud, reverbing off of the narrow walls and somehow it held sickening confidence. It wasn’t fired by accident or out of fear. The shooter knew what they were doing, level headed, focused.

“Y/n!” Sam yelled, crossing the last few meters and watching in horror as she fell back against the wall. Unmoving.

What was left of the winter soldier exited under the rusted metal gate. He ducked down, limping slightly, and quickly vanished under the metal door. Sam had not even the slightest chance to go after him. 

He shut off the engines, stumbling a few feet to get his footing, he had landed with way too much exhilaration but maybe he was fast enough to help her. He huffed, running at top speed and crashed down next to her. 

But it was too late anyway. 

A thin hole right above her left eyebrow. A clean shot. 

Sam reached out with shaking hands “ Wha- no, no, no, hey…” He held her face, gently tapping it. Her eyes stared into the abyss, straight ahead, watery, glassy. Y/n lips were parted in shock, The betrayal etched into her face. 

Sam brushed his thumb against her cheek. He had to hold down a sob that threatened to escape when a single tear slowly ran down Y/n’s face. 

He held her a moment longer till Steve cut through the intercom. 

“Sam? You there? What’s going on?” The background was quiet, they seemed to have mastered their task in good time. Sam sat up, still holding the body up with one hand. The other pulled the communicator from his belt. 

“No need to hurry, Cap.” He sighed “ Barnes is gone and Y/n-” He refused to say the words. It would have made it true. “She’s down.” He hid behind his facade of professionalism. Sam had lost people before, many allies during his time in the military. But never in a million times had he thought that the immortal would be the first to go down in battle.

Sam turned, sliding down against the wall next to her. It was then that he saw the winter soldiers' strongest asset, destroyed and ripped apart. He winced, parts of the skin were still attached to the cut. “ You gave him hell, huh?” He huffed a laugh, resting his head against the wall. He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. There was no need to stress out now. It was all over. The dead silence after the storm. 

Steve’s fast steps made him look up again. The blond was running at a high speed but he pushed his limits when he got his eyes on the scene. A look of confusion passed his face but it soon turned into something between terror and disappointment. 

He saw Y/n quickly getting on the ground next to her and pulling her body on her back to check for signs of breathing. He was still out of breath, huffing while he hovered his face over her nose and lips. “ Have you checked her vitals?” Steve refused to accept this, he went on to check her pulse.

Sam watched him, shaking his head. “ Steve, c’mon.” He felt somewhat humiliated. He never checked for her heartbeat, breathing. No way she had made it when the winter soldier took that shot. “ Steve, stop. It’s no use.” He clicked his tongue, looking away. 

Steve ignored him, checking her over and over again. He couldn’t let her die. Not on such a mission. 

“Steve, Jesus Christ. She is dead! “ Sam spoke through gritted teeth. He heard the others talk over the intercom but chose to ignore them. 

The captain turned towards him quickly, a mix of anger and despair in his eyes.” Yeah? Then tell me, Sam, how do you know that when you didn’t even bother to check her vital signs” 

Sam pushed himself off the wall. “ Because she is fucking brain dead, Steve! Do you believe that Buck would miss his mark?!” The two stared at each other for a few seconds. A pregnant silence hung between them, no one dared to move. Steve refused to accept the reality that lay in shambles around him, but slowly it seeped into him. The lack of sound made even more evident. He swallowed, sighing deeply. 

His hands moved in unison, covering his face while he sank back on his bottom. 

Buck was gone.

Y/n was…..gone.

“Fuck…..” He murmured against his hands, trying to control his breath to stop panicking. This was bad. 

“Steve…” Sam asked carefully, sitting up a little. They had been in the lower levels for a few minutes, leaving the rest of the team in radio silence. He had ignored them too, focusing on the situation at hand but they needed to tell the others, recover the wreckage.

“I don’t want to be rude but uh… I think we should tell the others and clear off.” He tried carefully, Steve’s face was still covered up. 

The captain nodded, “You’re right. Send a signal to the others. Contact Bruce. I-” He exhaled shakily. “ I need a minute.” He felt somewhat ashamed. How could a captain be so upset over a death, a disappearance? For all, he knew Bucky was simply MIA.

But it was the fact that he had to declare his best friend missing in action again. Taken by the same people and badly wounded. Buck’s Trauma must be kicking in real bad. 

The fact that HYDRA got such a strong grip on him that they made him kill Y/n. 

The winter soldier was back. And gone.

Who knows when he will show up again, when they put him back on the ice, it could be decades before he shows up.

Sam nodded, getting up and taking a few steps to get some distance between him and… the spot.

Steve watched him for a moment, focusing on Sam’s steps, the sound of his boots against the floor to ground himself. He needed to clean up, gather all the information that could give him a clue where the Winter Soldier was off to. They had wasted too much time to follow him directly, so a later search based on facts and seeing would be a better approach. 

He looked around, the sight of Buck’s ripped off arm made his stomach churn. He had been so glad to receive proper treatment from the best of the best. They had even joked about it, how Wakanda seemed to be the only place on the planet that met their expectations of what the future would look like. He had found his home and safe haven with Y/n. 

Steve kneeled down next to her body, closing her eyes and gently picking her up. Her head rested against his shoulder, Steve had his arms under her knees and back. He looked down at her “ I’m sorry, Doll. I promised Buck to protect you but I never saw something like this to happen.” He smiled sadly, watching her frozen features.

“Uh, Steve?” Sam hurried towards him, his communicator still in hand. “ Tony says there are some agents. SHIELD and the government. Ross wants to talk to you-” Sam stored away from the device. 

The captain sighed. Of course, they already knew... “ Yeah, that was to be expected. I’ll handle it. Can you take the-” The word got stuck in his throat but Sam nodded quickly. 

“Yeah, yes of course.” He walked past him, picking up the amputation and following Steve to the exit. 

_______________________________

Tony stood outside the building he was stressed, arguing with one of the soldiers. When he saw Steve approach he sighed dramatically “ Jesus Christ, there you are. Ross Is going nuts, saying something about a contract. The hell did you get yourself into?” He quieted down when he realized what Steve was holding, cursing under his breath. 

“I’ll- tell Bruce to take care of her.” Tony waved towards the jet, calling Bruce over. 

Steve nodded, “ I made a deal with HQ but that’s on me. You can leave, I’ll take care of Ross.” Tony moved aside to allow Bruce to reach them with his stretcher. When Steve moved to place Y/n on the wagon a good dozen soldiers moved, pointing their guns at him. 

“No, not so fast captain!” Ross called, striding towards the scene. Steve stopped, watching the gunmen with a set jaw. 

“You broke our contract, Rogers. It belongs to us now.” He pointed towards Y/n’s body with a weak gesture, a disgusted scowl that was quickly replaced by his cocky grin. 

Steve moved carefully, pulling Y/n closer to himself. “ That’s not true. She didn’t act out of line. No one was hurt by her actions.” He took a defensive stance, Sam moving in closer towards him. It was no good idea to start a fight, but he wouldn’t give her up just like that. He owed Bucky at least that. 

Ross chuckled low, ushering over a few men that were carrying strange devices and two soldiers who were pushing some kind of metal wagon. “Oh captain, did no one tell you to pay close attention to the details? The agreement we had only covered the creature's actions under your subversion. And to me, it looks like she won't be able to work anytime soon.” He laughed, huffing about his stupid joke. “ With her death, all agreements are taken away and she returns to her status as property of the United States. So I advise you to hand the body over. Any other action can and will be seen as a direct attack against the United States of America.” He ended his speech, motioning for the soldiers to take Y/n from Steve’s arms.

The captain initially took a step back, resulting in a clear clicking of the soldiers' guns, still pointed at him.

“Steve, do what he says. We can’t afford the trouble.” Sam spoke in a hushed tone. 

Steve thought for a moment. He had nothing against them. With a heavy heart, he kept his position, letting the men take Y/n from his arms. His eyes were burning into Ross’s. 

He couldn’t bear the sight of the soldiers cuffing and securing Y/n’s body. They placed a metal collar around her neck, multiple cuffs and ties before carelessly letting her fall into the metal container.

The sound of her skull hitting the metal wall made him wince. “You won’t get through with this.” He spoke through gritted teeth. But Ross shook his head “ Careful Captain Rogers, are you threatening me? I’d be careful, especially when you are also working with alien war criminals without contacting us first.”

Steve watched Thor and Loki next to the jet, both looked tense, ready to snap and fight if he gave a sign. 

But he didn’t.

“No, I don’t.” Steve watched how they tied her up in the container before closing it and liking it on a transporter. It was stored upwards, Y/n face visible through the round glass window. A general yelled something to the soldiers, opening the Valve to a gas container. The glass fogged up, as the freezing gas entered the chamber. 

“All done, sir!” Yelled the general. Ross nodded slowly “Good. Take it away.” The men moved away, rolling the device up the ramp of their jet. 

“Take care, Captain. And don’t try to play the hero.” Ross turned around, walking slowly towards the jet.

Steve watched his back, taking in the defeat. Now both of his friends were gone.

No one dared to speak till the jet took off. 

Sam was the first.

“Look man, we-” But Steve interrupted him quickly.

“No Sam, he’s right. I didn’t pay attention to. We have nothing against them in our hands.” He looked down to the ground where the small drops of black mixed with the muddy ground.

“Well, we kinda do.” Sam had to control the grin that was spreading across his lips. “ They might have taken her. But they forgot about this.” He revealed the arm that he had hidden between his wings. “ Ross might think he’s clever but not clever enough to spot metal on metal.”

Tony chuckled “ He must have been the absolute worst at ‘ Where is Waldo’” he nodded towards Natasha “ You guys, ready the jet. Make sure we have enough fuel to make the trip.” 

Sam and Tony moved towards the aircraft, waiting for Steve to join them. But the captain didn’t understand, staring at them.

“C’mon Capsicle, you can take a nap on the ride. Wakanda is a few miles away.”


	34. lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at last, more content!

“You should start collecting fees,” Shuri stated, skipping a few steps to keep up with her brother’s pace. It was early, too early to meet guests and she knew that whenever T’challa’s little friends showed up, it would be mostly her, doing all the work. 

“What?” The king glanced up from his holographic pad. Steve had sent out a message, informing him of their status and problem. It had been a frantic call in the middle of the night and they sounded like they were in dire need for help.

“This is the third time over the last year that your white playmates showed up here to get fixed up for free.” Shuri huffed. “ They managed to break the white wolf in less than a year. What stupid mission do these people go on? Do they even prepare? I mean-” SHe was going to ramble on but T’Challa cut her off. “ Shuri, enough. Wakanda swore to help its allies and the Captain explained that they were infiltrated by an organization that might attack us too if we don’t defend ourselves.” He hushed her through gritted teeth.   
Shrui watched his face, trying to detect any signs of doubt but T’Challa kept a stern glance ahead. 

They walked in silence for a few paces when a small smile broke on the king's lips. He read Steve’s account on the events of the last few months. Bucky’s introduction to the Avengers, his first mission, and his developing relationship to a certain team member. The king saw the remaining Avengers outside on the air stripe, getting off the jet. The two were approaching the team quickly and T’Challa couldn’t help but tease his sister before they would begin the meeting. 

“This time it is different, Shuri. We need to help the White Wolf to save his true love.” He stated bluntly, not looking down at his sister. She gasped, looking at him expectantly. “ He has got a girlfriend?! “ Her love for romantic drama ever so clear. 

But before T’Challa even got a chance to explain more, the glass panels leading to the outside peeled away, giving sight to the lines of Dora Milaje that formed from the gate and leading up to the aircraft. They had greeted the Avengers, paying them their respect while also keeping out an eye to secure their palace.

The Captain looked rough, much worse than T’Challa imagined. The blonde stepped forward, nodding thankfully and shaking the king's hand with a firm hand. “Thank you so much for seeing us on such short notice,” Steve spoke, sounding slightly out of breath.   
He eyes the palace and the surrounding buildings and vegetation. The last time he was on this air stripe he had been so full of hope, gently clutching Bucky’s shoulder while the two took off to a new life. Now he was only hoping to put the broken pieces back together and save what was left.

__________________________

The light was blinding, bouncing off the skin on her naked body. It cast a sickly yellow hue on her, making her look even more broken and decayed.   
The nurses were packing up the last operation tools, cleaning off any leftover black goo that seemed to color and grey every surface and object in the room. One nurse draped a thin white cloth over the body, leaving only the head and feet out to the cold sterile environment. 

Dr. Joe Walter exited the operation room, taking another brief look at the body he had just worked on. The sight of the young female still made the hairs on his neck stand up. He gathered his papers, nodding towards the nurses before opening the door to his office. 

He didn’t even get to close the door before the gray-haired agent turned towards him. Ross had been transfixed by the body, watching the whole procedure through the surveillance window. He scratched his chin, observing the doctor for a moment. Then he simply stretched out his arm, quietly demanding the autopsy report.

Dr. Walter frowned, hesitating for a moment but then handing over the stack of paper in his right hand. Ross snatched it away, greedily looking at the notes, not even understanding half of what it said. “ So?” He kept looking through the papers, demanding the Doctor to tell him more. 

“Uh, well-” Walter paused, tugging at his sleeve. “ All physical functions stopped. No heartbeat, no brain activity but…” He swallowed, still processing what he had experienced. 

“What? Spit it out.” Ross looked up, an angry look on his old face. 

“ How do I-” The doctor licked his lips, repositioning his stance. “ A typical human body starts to decay only a few moments after the initial death… This subject has been, well, supposedly died about 26 hours ago.”

“Yes, I am aware. Stop stuttering and tell me what you found out, Doctor.” Ross hissed, turning and stepping towards Walter. 

“It’s that… There have been no signs of decay at all. The body should have at least reached the phase of rigor mortis but all tissue and joints are fine and moving without a problem. “ He stopped, not wanting to conclude what only seemed to be impossible.

Ross nodded, huffing then focusing back on the notes. He got to a list of used machines and methods and stopped for a moment. There was a tick missing on the box for MRI analysis.

“Why didn’t you use the MRI scanner?” Ross asked, pointing towards the little box on the paper.

Walter frowned but quickly remembered that Ross was an idiot trying to sound clever most of the time. “ Well sir, we can’t do an MRI when there is a chance of metal getting close to the machine. And the bullet, sir. “ He stopped, nodding towards the body that still lay on the cold metal table. 

“You instructed to not take out the bullet no matter what.” 

“Yes, I did. “ Ross sighed, “ Did you take the blood samples?”   
The doctor nodded “ Then analyze the damn stuff and find out what makes it so dark. Fucking disgusting” He murmured under his breath, remainders of it still staining his dress shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, I know it's not a lot. But I felt like we need to establish somekind of basis so we don't get too confused with what's going on where.


	35. of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Video games - Trixie Mattel https://open.spotify.com/track/6GE4fcrDAF5hF170xMzxq8?si=CJgcWJz4RQa3AFQ4-60pmQ

Y/n huffed, the small cloud of hot air swirled and moved through the cold night's air. She adjusted the basket that she held against her hip with a sigh. It was quite heavy, filled with multiple bags of flour, a can of milk, and a few vegetables that she miraculously managed to buy from the market.   
Food had been scarce this last season. The vegetation and fields were only slowly recovering from the last hard winters and lack of care due to the ongoing war. She was left alone with her mother and the few good neighbors they had left. 

Y/n huffed out a breath, seeing the dim candlelight and smoke coming from the chimney of her home. When she didn’t work in the bakery she had to help the women harvest the crops. When they didn’t give enough corn she had to walk all the way to the next village to either buy corn when it was affordable or if necessary work or beg for it. 

She huffed a laugh. At least they haven’t been plundered yet. 

She pulled the basked higher on her hip, quickening her step. It wasn’t fair and at home, she could finally set down the heavy load and rest even for just a short night's sleep. 

Y/n saw her mother opening the door. She was leaning against the side of the house, a weary look on her face. “ Why are you so late? I thought you’d be back at sunset?” She attempted to take the basket off Y/n hands but the girl refused. It was far too heavy for her mother, the woman that despite her age still worked on the field and in the shop to the best of her abilities.   
Y/n pushed through the door into the house and straight towards the storage room. “ I know. Had to go into town to get the grain. Everything was sold out.” She called towards the living space. The amount they had been able to get their hands on would be enough for tomorrow's and the next day's order or bread. Her efforts had been worth it. 

She wiped her hands on her skirt, suddenly a somber feeling got a hold on her. Tomorrow she would need to get up at the break of dawn. No time for rest. But at least she didn’t have to fight her brother’s and father's bloody battle. 

“Come here, child. I kept the stew on the fire, you need to eat.” Her mother called, pulling Y/n from her thoughts. 

The table was old, dirty, and crooked. A humorous amount of empty chairs were set around it. The two women were outnumbered by the non-attending family members. Adam, John, and Father had been taken in to fight. Her father had been very healthy for his age, but it wasn’t him that had fallen first.   
They had received the news, about 3 months ago that the eldest, John, had been killed somewhere close to Böhmen. He was separated into a different army group than the other men, the unlucky troop that fell nearly completely. The news had turned Adam mad. He ran, fleeing from his duty into the woods. Who knows where he is now if he was still alive.

“I shouldn’t have hesitated.” Her mother stated, watching Y/n eat. Her eyes were off, watching some faraway memory. 

“What do you mean?” Y/n asked, blowing on her spoonful of stew. 

“That boy that had asked for your hand. You know which one, the soldier boy.” She sighed. “ I should have given him our blessing. You’d be better off married, even when he would have died in the war.” 

Y/n frowned, remembering the man. He was stoic, angry, and distrustful to everyone. “ No, mother. I wouldn’t be happy with him. And this is fine.” She tried to dismiss the topic and fast as she could. 

“ You are dear but happiness is nothing we can afford.” Her mother got up slowly. “ Only because your sister got lucky doesn’t mean that it is an option for the rest of us.” 

Her sister had fallen in love with the son of a garment seller. He had been in a much higher position but took her as his wife despite it. Now they lived somewhere in France, on a small farm where they kept their sheep for wool production. Not much had been heard of her since.

Y/n smiled a pained smile.” I don’t ask for much, what he does or has done. I only want him to be true”

_______  
“Okay so let me get this straight.” Shuri sat up, leaning on the table, both hands pressed flat against the cold surface.   
“You accomplished to lose two of your best fighters on the same day to A.- a grey government official that fooled you into a trick contract and B.- a well known 90-year-old nazi operation that already had control over the winter soldier for some good 60 years?” She leaned her head to the side, watching Steve for a sign of agreement. 

He looked down, shuffling his feet a little before nodding in embarrassment. He took a deep breath to save what dignity he had left. “ Well... if you break it down to-” 

Shuri didn’t give him time to talk “ Right. Then I would like to talk to the person that thought it appropriate to give you the title of ‘ Earth’s mightiest heroes’ because” He giggled “ Oh boy what a joke.” 

T’Challa hit her shoulder with the back of his hand “ Shuri, show some respect.” 

Steve rubbed his face looking at the other Avengers that silently took the scolding of the 22-year-old. Ashley, sitting in a seat behind him, gently placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it to calm him. Tony was the next to talk.

“Yes, now that we sat through the verbal abuse. Could you please make fun of us by solving the problem in a for you, ridiculously easy way?” He had retracted his mark 42 into the wristband in an attempt to somewhat charm Wakanda's technology but it only resulted in more jokes.

“ It seemed to me like you have multiple problems to solve. Are you aware of Sergeant Barnes's location? Perhaps a HYDRA Base that is used frequently?” The King asked, still studying the files on his holographic device. 

“There are multiple locations that could be considered…” Steve thought for a moment, shifting his foot on the dark even floor panel. 

Tony sat up, his gaze moving between the two men and the team.” I don’t want to sound unsympathetic but Barnes should be fine for now.” He explained carefully, looking out for Steve’S reaction. But to his surprise, the Captain seemed to be still caught up in his thoughts.   
It was Natasha that looked at him quizzically. “ What are you on about?” She asked slightly concerned.

Tony shrugged” Well, from my point of view, Barnes had been working under HYDRA for quite some time and he doesn't face any threat besides more brainwashing. Not that that is okay but I see Y/n in a more compromising position.” He sat back, looking out for reactions. 

Steve still stared ahead, thinking, and listening.

“Tony, what the hell are you talking about? Y/n is dead. She’d been shot right through the brain. I know yall don’t like Ross and corpse abuse is a crime but I have to get Barnes out there asap.” Sam argued but Tony simply scoffed at his words. 

“Sam, no offense but you were the history buff asking all those stupid questions when she first arrived at the tower. Do you really believe she is dead? Like seriously? Don’t you remember Steve firing a whole round in her after that jumpscare she pulled when we found her? She was fine after a few infusions and that should have been just as deadly as having her brains blown out.” Tony leaned back. 

The team kept quiet, everyone was thinking about the possibility of it. Shuri broke the awkward silence first “ Well, immortal seemed quite infinitive, huh? Why would there be a difference? But then you need another plan to steal her back from that Ross man.” 

Steve finally moved, meeting T’Challa’s gaze.   
“ I think Tony is right. She had been through a lot. If we wanna get Bucky we need her, she is one of the strongest on the team.” The other Avengers nodded, agreeing to him. 

“ If she is alive then Rosse's contract loophole doest apply anymore. She might be dormant or something along those lines but not dead so he had no right to take her.” Nat agreed.

“I can work something out with my lawyers. Ross might think that he is untouchable but he sure is not.” Tony took out his phone, immediately starting to type something.

“Okay now that we have that settled, what about Barnes? If we wait HYDRA has more time to activate the winter soldier, how are we going to go about that?” Sam looked at the other expectingly.

“ We do have a solution on hand. But it doesn’t cover all the damage. “ T’Challa watched his sister, quietly asking her to show them the small device. “ When Sargent Barnes stayed with us, we analyzed and collected his neural data.” Judging on the neutral looks on the Avenger's faces he went on to explain further. “ This drive basically contains all of his memories but we were able to erase the data that contained the winter soldier trigger. We kept it as a backup in case the other therapy didn’t work.” 

Shuri placed the small drive on the table. Steve had to swallow. That little piece of metal contained all of Bucky’s memories. All he was reduced to such a small object. 

“But? It sounds like there is a catch.” Ashley piped up, making Steve and the others turn around to look at her. She had been quiet for most of the ride and their meeting with the King.

“There is. We last updated the data on the day that the Solider left Wakanda to go and live with you in New York. We are missing active knowledge of the last 8 months.” Shuri explained somberly, all joke and jest aside. “ He would know nothing of the girl.”

Silence filled the room. 

“What about removing the trigger as you did before? I thought it had worked?” Tony shifted in his seat. The sentiment for both Bucky and Y/n made his body feel heavy.

“We thought so too but after the most recent event, it seems like the trigger still works when he is under extreme stress. And we have to act fast to prevent the code to manifest itself further.” T’Challa sat down, crossing his arms. He looked at Steve with empathy. The captain had to make a hard choice not only for himself but for the happiness of both Bucky and Y/n. 

“Can we- I think we need a moment to collect our options.” Steve set his jaw, his eyes still glued to the device on the dark glass table. Everyone left the room quietly but he stopped Ash, placing his hand on top of hers on his shoulder, silently asking her to stay. 

When the doors closed Steve allowed himself to deflate. He sank forward, his face covered by his hands, arms leaning on his thigs. He took a few deep breaths.

Ashley moved her chair around to face him. She slowly leaned forwards to let her finger glide through Steve’s blond hair. He relaxed, feeling her slender fingers massaging his scalp.   
“What do I do ?” He asked, murmuring into his hands.   
Ashley had helped him so much both emotionally but also as an agent. She was the one that figured that Charlotte was the mole. Setting up the trap for Y/n and Buck. She realized as soon as Charlotte spoke through the intercom. 

“You need to move. She is compromised.” Ash grabbed Steve’s elbow, making him turn towards her with a frown.” What? She just said that they were attacked. We need to wait and help her.” 

Ashley shook her head quickly, calling Sam to make his way down there.   
“She had been off this entire time. Why would she specifically ask for a transfer to their team when she hadn’t been cleared for the field? She was terrified, in no position to fight. Steve, she kept pushing to get closer to them. Her skills were way too good to be a first-year agent” She explained, it took Steve a moment before his eyes widened. He ran after Sam with all the speed he could gather. 

“I think that they both would want you to take the offer,” Ash explained calmly, her fingers were still in his hair as he looked up. “ Y/n is strong. She has been through so much, same as Bucky. They’ll be fine. I’m sure they can get to know each other again, fall in love once more.” Steve listened quietly. 

“But what if they don’t? I don’t want to be responsible for taking that away from him.” He whispered barely audibly. “Maybe we should just try to get him out and then try the same procedure.” 

Ashley scoffed” You think that he would want to through all that again? If I know one thing from learning about the two of you and talking to him, it’s that Bucky wants nothing more than normality. When we can erase HYDRA’s work for good, we have to take that chance. And we should do it as soon as possible. Yes, he would lose his memory of the last year but we should do it now before they lose more time. “

Steve folded his hands over his nose, exhaling slowly. His warm breath caressed the callused skin of his fingers and he kept quiet till his skin cooled down again. Ash was watching him expectantly. In the end, he was their Captain, the person in charge, and his decision mattered the most.

He looked up at her, still leaned forward, his eyes catching her dark ones, a warm reassuring look in them. No matter what happened, she would be there for him and stay by his side. If Y/n and Bucky were at least somewhat the same he simply had to make the choice.

Steve started nodding, the movement got stronger, more confident. He sat up, catching the grin that started spreading over his girlfriend's lips. “ We are going to do this.” He stated, still nodding, Ashley’s grin widened “ Aye, aye captain.” A low chuckle followed her words. 

Steve smiled huffing a breath, he turned his head to look out for anyone watching but there was no one outside. He stood up swiftly but catching Ashley’s cheek with his hand, placing it there to hold her face in position. “ You are so special. I’m just so glad.” Before he could continue to compliment her, Ashley hooked her fingers on both sides of Steve's suit, pulling him down to her lips. 

She kissed him passionately, catching him off guard which resulted in a small groan. But Steve quickly adjusted, holding her cheek and neck. She let go of him for a second, her forehead still touching “ I love you.” She hushed against his lips “ We can do this. All will be well in the end, just you see.” 

Steve was taken aback by her boldness, his cheeks tinted pink and a soft “ I love you, too” Was the only thing he managed to give as an answer. 

Maybe fortune had its way to give the two what they had wished for even if it took a millennium too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited since someone in the comments kindy pointed out that I left a giant looming plothole. I hope it's fixed up now.


	36. trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'M STILL STANDING!
> 
> Uni started and it hasn't killed me, atleast not yet. But won't be able to put out longer chapters each week so uhhh get used to waiting or smaller pieces. 
> 
> No time to edit beside the almighty grammarly AI, hope it isn't too bad.  
> Enjoy :) 
> 
> Seven nation army by Zella Day https://open.spotify.com/track/7fBRH08A6Fu47GMyFamyoO?si=phyxPCMWSFGJV__WYMA2-Q

A light breeze carried the calm evening, the black to white opposite of the nightly events the two men had just partaken in. Friday night at the dance hall. Bucky had once more dragged his best friend along to one of his notorious double dates. The idea was nice. Two friends meeting up with two girlfriends and if the stars were to stand in the right order, not only one but two beautiful relationships would bloom. The only catch for Steve was that in 11 cases out of ten, both ladies wanted to go into parking with his pal, fighting over the brunette and completely ignoring Steve in the process. Why should someone be interested in him with such a handsome fella around?

Steve had his hand pushed into the pockets of his cream-colored trousers. His gaze was on the floor, he kicked a small pebble along their way through Brooklyn. Bucky, as always, walked him home to make sure he got there okay, a gesture that would normally be exclusive to a gal he wanted to get to know better. 

Buck had one of his signatures grins plastered on his face, he always looked so pleased with himself after dance nights. They went out regularly, and every time Buck said that he had found the one. Each week he reassured Steve that this would definitely be the last time, that this or that girl was THE one for him and every other week they went dancing with some girls Buck had met that week. 

Steve glanced up at him, slowing down a little. He watched Bucky’s expression, looking for any sign of doubt, a hole on his smug appearance. 

“ For how long do you want to keep this up?” Steve asked him blankly, a neutral expression, he was actually interested in Buck’s opinion.

Bucky looked down at him, scoffing lightly. It was one of those half laughs that people gave when they were upset or knew that they were in the wrong but didn’t want to admit it. Instead, they tried to play it down. “ What are you on about, pal?” He asked, still grinning but he wasn’t as sure anymore. 

“Buck, we go out every week. It’s always the same with two gals thirsting after you and every time you walk home, telling about her. That she or her ist the one and yet we go out again the next week with a new set of girls that you just picked off the street. “ Steve huffed, coming to a full stop. “ You tell me about settling down but I haven’t seen any of it yet. And frankly, I don’t feel like getting dragged along again and again because you keep promising that that would be that last time.” 

Bucky came to a halt too. He watched Steve quietly, listening to his words. His grin faltered and he looked deflated, it would be no use to keep the happy facade up when it came to his friend. Suddenly his brown lack shoes seemed very interesting, he kicked a small stone just as Steve had done, lips pursed in thought. “ You really called me out there, Pal.” He looked at Steve nodding slowly before his gaze wandered about the buildings around them. He watched the movement behind the windows, looking at anything but his friend.

“I know that I drag you along, I don’t pretend I don’t know….” He looked down again “ But I do feel it, ya know? That rush. I keep thinking that that is what love must be like but it’s gone so soon that I can’t help but chase it.” Bucky looked back at Steve, in the dim light the smaller man could make out a slight glassiness in Buck’s eyes. He pushed too far.

“Buck, I’m sorry I …” Steve started but Buck quickly interrupted him.

“No, no you are right. I guess I’m just scared that I won’t find her. That’s when I panic. Trying to find her as fast as possible before the time runs out.” He was to be deployed for ina few months. The war in Europe had been reading for years but only now did the US believe that it was time to step in. He was afraid of not finding a chance to have that life that he wanted, or what he believed to be right. He was no fool and he was well aware of the fact that he might not get a chance to find love after the war. 

“Don’t be silly, Buck. You won’t find the one if you rush it. Maybe it isn’t time yet.”

Steve cursed himself for agreeing to Tony’s stupid plan. He was a genius, and billionaire and what not. And he seemed to possess a talent of coming up with stupidly easy plans that miraculously did work out in the end, in most cases... The captain just hoped this would be one of those times.

Distract, break-in, runoff. He called it the trick or treatment plan, of course, he did. After agreeing to take action and fight HYDRA for Buck, a new plan had to be developed. It was clear that the operation would take a lot of effort and maybe even casualties if they pursued it alone. Further research got them to the conclusion that HYDRA had transported their assets to the old base in Russia where most of the Winter soldier project had been executed.   
It was the heart of HYDRA and only a fool would try to breach it without backup. iShield was out, after the accords they were overly careful not to clash with the government more than absolutely necessary. Thor’s band of Warriors was a great help but not suited for a careful breaking and entering. The less attention they caused the better. No one desired to be roped into any unnecessary combats.

So it seemed that there was only one possibility left. A double heist. Get Y/n to get Bucky.

Steve exhaled, rubbing his gloved palm over his belt to check for all necessary devices. Get in, take her, get out. Easy.

He quietly watched Natasha pilot the stealth jet, going into a descent. The show was to begin in a few moments.

“You’ll be okay, Steve. Don’t pretend like this is the toughest mission you’ve been through.” Ashley grinned at him from her position. She was leaning against the door frame between the cockpit and the loading hanger. Her lean figure hugged just perfectly by her grey stealth suit, sunlight glistening on her face, giving it a golden shine. 

He stopped to stare at her. She truly was a goddess and if Y/n meant even an ounce as much to Bucky as Ash meant to him, then any mission would be worth bringing them together again. Steve felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. He cleared his throat in embarrassment, this was a mission, no time for schoolboy crushes.

“Don’t worry about that. He always had this drama queen warm up. Helps him to get into his role. “ Natasha smirked, eyes on the monitors. 

Ashley chuckled, watching the exchange.

“I’m not worried about myself. I’m worried for Buck- If Tony isn’t right about his immortality story then we are in more trouble than we already have.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“ If you do your job right there won't be any trouble regardless. I’m still up for the job if you change your-”

“No” He cut Nat off, his voice carried more panic than he intended to show. ” You got hurt before. I’ll get her in case-” He didn’t dare to speak about the happenings of last time. Steve knew that he had been very wrong about her but in the state, she might be in, everything is possible. She told him so herself; hunger can make her do things…..

“I have to do this myself. I promised him. You stay on the jet, and Ash keeps the communication going.” Steve stated, watching the plane descend slowly.

There was a second-team, the distractors. Stark had promised to get into touch with his lawyers regarding the legal background and he got working fast.   
He found a little hole in the contract regarding the ‘ownership’ of legal citizens and military property. Steve didn’t understand it and quite honestly Tony’s speech felt more like preaching about how great he was.

His role in this plan was to distract the government agents, specifically Ross, with a legal mud fight for as long as possible. If they could fool the avengers with a small legal loophole then suit up for Tony Stark and his tactics of legal confusion.   
Their goal was to buy time so that the second team, mainly Steve, could break in and take Y/n away from them. If Tony did his job well, they might even open up a second chance. Getting her back by fooling Ross back but no one dared to put too much hope into that option. 

_______________________________________  
Over the years Steve noticed strange familiarity between airports and secret agency bases. Both were located all over the globe, always busy and connected. But from the inside, every location looked, worked, and felt the same.   
And they had something else in common: No one ready bothered to make sure they kept up to date. 

So it was their luck that no one bothered to change the security standard from a stark system to any other one. And no one bothered to read the terms and conditions.

Tony had matched in from the main entrance, his lawyers following behind him, and while he exaggeratedly leaned on the desk, he disabled all window and door security with a simple tap on his smartphone.

Steve got his okay to enter. He slipped in through the window on the second floor that was supposedly the closest to the lab. The entire building was covered in a projection, displaying an old, worn tin factory in the middle of nowhere. But that system was, of course, stark tech. It was embarrassing, to be honest. 

Steve pushed the window open, landing on the grey floor with a soft thud. It was Sunday, and just like most official businesses, no one ever dared to set a foot into the office, not on the weekend…

“ I’m in. Hall is clear, no lights either. Seems like you were right, Romanov.” He spoke over the com. A soft chuckle came from the other end of the line. “ Of course I am. Have been in America long enough to study your people, Cap.” 

He smiled, shaking his head. Steve followed the hallway to a pair of double doors. Though the milky glass, he could make out light green cabinets, a few desks. 

“I found the lab, entering now.” He pushed open the doors, unlocked, of course. The lights were turned off, only the greyish light from the cloudy weather outside reached through the glass on the door. With a careful hand, Steve reached along the wall to find the light switch. The bright neon lights bound him for a split second, the light tiles and green cabinets looked even more sickly than before. He took a few steps inside, right hand on the holster of his gun. This was one of the few occasions where he opted to leave the shield at home and instead go for the more direct approach of a gun. He scanned the room, to his left was a metal door, a glass window opened the view to the room behind it. 

Steve peaked a look through it.  
A metal table sat in the middle of the room, smaller shelves on wheels next to it, tools decorating the surface. On the wall behind it were metal handles, wide enough to hold a body….

“I found the morgue and the cooler. Advancing.” He spoke, pulling the metal door open. 

The voice of Doctor Banner reached his ears. “ Steve, make sure to close the door behind you. We don’t know what state she is in. Make sure to contain her in case she panics.” Steve nodded to himself, feeling for the blood bag on his hip. 

They wanted to prevent another panic like the last time they had gotten her back from the dead. Steve hoped that he could be strong enough to take her. But he sure doubts it.

“I’ll search for the body.” He gulped, stepping in front of the metal chambers. This was the part he hated the most, searching through the surprise box of bodies to find his best friend's girl. 

He opened the first one, a good lab shouldn’t store too many corpses, right? The sight of two large man's feet made him stop, quickly closing the again. He felt a blush creeping up, whispering a soft “ sorry” as if he had knocked on the wrong apartment door. 

He tried the next one, a soft sigh escaped his lips at the sight of smaller feet, also wrapped in a white sheet. He slowly pulled out the sleigh, deflating a little at the sight of her grayish face. 

“Got her.” He breathed through the intercom. A cold breeze caught the side of his face, without thinking, he put one arm under her knees and the other under her shoulder to lift her carefully. Steve stopped in his tracks when he lifted the body against his chest….

She wasn’t cold.

At least not as cold as he had expected her to be. 

Her lifeless frame slumped against him, weak but not frozen in position. Her limbs were loose, skin soft to the touch.

Steve freed himself from his state of wonder and gently placed her on the metal table behind him. He carefully set down her head, making sure not to bump it. The worst-case would be her waking up in a scare and hurting him in her fright. 

He takes a step back. She looked so calm, serene even if not for the greyish hole between her eyebrows. The thought of how she obtained such a wound made him cringe. Steve acted quickly, giving the others a status update while simultaneously removing the blood bag from his belt. He accidentally pushed against the sheet that covered her body from the shoulders down.

Steve slowed his movements, gaze hooked on the stitched cut that formed on both sides of her collar bone. He looked around, thinking for a moment before carefully pulling the sheet a little lower. He felt like he was invading her privacy, looking at a dame's breasts was nothing that he would normally do. ‘This is different’ Steve told himself, while his fingers carefully lowered the sheets, inch by inch down to her hips.

Steve let out the breath that he was holding. 

It was a clean-cut, the precision of an autopsy. 

Steve deflated, they had been expecting a clean, undisturbed body. Simply wake her up and run. But Steve knew that she needed a great amount of substance to speed up her healing. Now she was not only shot in the head but also having her chest cut open. 

“ Steve? What is going on? You went radio silent.” Natasha called him, she sounded slightly rushed, voices could be heard in the background.

The captain thought for a moment, his eyes staring into the back hole on the table. “She is hurt. We gotta ready more blood supplies in the jet.” Came his curt answer. 

He didn’t want to make a hassle. If he told them about her state they would abort the mission and try again. He couldn’t let that happen. Not for her and not for Bucky. 

He didn’t even dare to think about his situation. 

Multiple voices rang out in his earpiece, each interrupting the other and cutting the line. They started to sound like an angry swab of bees, ready to attack him. So he pulled his earpiece out, stuffing it into his pocket with hasty movements.

‘Don’t panic’ He tried to calm himself, avoiding looking down at the body in front of him. 

He opted to do the hardest part at first. The dark hole on her forehead left it clear that the ‘deadly’ bullet was still inside. And he had to get it out. 

Steve placed the blood bag down next to her shoulder, before setting out to find a tool fit for the job. A pair of medical tweezers must do the job, every other tool seemed too outlandish for him.   
He leaned over her head, placing one hand on the skin around her wound while he tried to steady the other.   
He felt like a fucking butcher but he was willing to do whatever had to be done. 

With one quick pull, he managed to find the foreign object and remove it.   
He let it drop to the floor, turning around to collect his thoughts. 

Bucky owed him one for this stunt. 

After a few seconds of self-motivation, he turned around again, eyes settling on the blood bag on the table. But just as he was about to reach it, a red light cast the room in its eery hue. Steve cursed quickly. A silent alarm, there was no time for any hesitation. 

With a strong hand, he pulled the flimsy clip off off the bag, pulled her into a somewhat upright position, and let the liquid enter her mouth with a bit of force.

He had to get her to consciousness before their route of escape would be cut off. 

The bag emptied in a matter of seconds but nothing seemed to have changed. Steve shook her lightly. placing his ear on her heart but to no avail. Nothing, no heartbeat. 

He looked around, hoping to find another supply of blood but in the distance, he picked up shouting, hurried steps towards the area he was in. 

He started planning an alternate route when a faint, almost silent exhale of air reached his ears.

“Y/n? Can you hear me?” He asked carefully, placing her down on the table with the utmost care. But he got no answer. Steve placed his fingers against her neck to search for a pulse, to no avail. He thought that it must have been a natural exhale of gas when a soft ‘ thump’ pressed against his thumb on her neck.

A pulse.

Breathing. 

Steve grinned, Tony had been right, that stupid bastard. 

But his excitement didn’t last long when he heard the voice of no other than agent Ross getting closer. He was being followed by 5, maybe 10 armed men, getting closer and closer.

It must have been compassion that drove him to his decision. That’s what he told himself. 

Compassion for her stuck on the planet and cursed to hunt to survive. 

And for Bucky, tortured, destroyed, and deleted. Freed and established only to get stuck in HYDRA’s net once again.   
Compassion for both of their souls. Painted and crushed but not able to give up on hope, the chance to reach what they always had dreamed of.

And so Steve ripped open the sleeve of his suit, exposing his wrist. He turned to pull her against his chest, placing her in a nearly seated position. And with a deep breath, he placed his skin against her soft lips.


	37. but

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She is back!!! And so am I ;)
> 
> ( I Just) died in your arms tonight- Annett Louisan  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0yquMXqbQ1e5DrDCwtByoO?si=OVDEE0hWS-u1DblmFqXLwQ

Late July had been soft kisses and warm hugs in the sun. The bliss of love, still tingling and blushing as the first time. Every minute spent without the other was pain. Everything felt new and exciting.

Sleep came easier but not as fast as Bucky had hoped. His arm was wrapped around her waist, thumb gently rubbing over her lower rib in a slow, steady rhythm. She shifted a little, her back pushing up against his chest. 

“You are still awake?” Y/n sighed, eyes still closed, holding onto her slumber. 

“How do you know?” He answered, it was a low sound, closer to a hum than real words.  
Y/n turned around, resting her face on her first, somewhat leaning over him. She had a small smile on her lips, her good faith always imminent even when she was joking around.

“You breathe differently. Deeper, a lot of sighs. You sound like the old man you are.” Her grin broadened and he couldn’t resist it. A grin spread on his lips, a glimmer in his eyes, and in a flash, sudden movement he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her on top of him. 

Y/n yelped, childish giggles escaping her. Even in the dark, he saw the beautiful light in her eyes.

“Old man, huh? look who's talking grandma” He started tickling her, making Y/n turn and squirm in his grip. He adored her for these moments. Just be, behave like children if they wanted to. Their past forgotten and only living for each other. 

“Stop, stop, please! “ She tried to get out of his grip. Y/n could easily break free but where would be the fun in that? 

“Why should I?” He held her, his grip loosening slightly. He paused, watching her as she pushed his hands lower on her body. They rested on her lower hip, his fingers brushing against the hem of her dark chemise, pushing the fabric up to touch her warm skin.

“because-” She leaned forward, her legs placed on each side of his hip, trapping him under her. Y/n moved painfully slow, teasing him as best as she could until her lips smoothed along his earlobe.  
“I ask nicely.” She hushed, kissing his ear with feathery lips. 

Bucky sighed, one hand moving up to her neck, holding her in place, thumb brushing over the small hairs on her neck while his other arm snuck under the soft silken fabric to smooth along the skin on her back.

He closed his eyes, listening to the sound of her lips traveling along his ear and neck. And far too soon, she moved away to sit up again, grinning at him. She was in control of him and she loved it.

Bucky whined when the air hit the widened spots on his skin, cooling the surface ever so slightly. “Don’t play me like that, babydoll.” He grunted, sitting up a little and pulling her along. 

“You know I always get my revenge.” She smiled, leaning up to kiss his lips. She lingered for a moment, rubbing her face against his cheek. She placed a kiss there, then cupped his cheek.   
“You wanna talk about it?” She asked softly, leaning her head forward so that it nearly touched his chin. But Bucky simply shook his head. He sat up further so that he was able to tuck her face under his chin. Her warm breath hit the skin on his neck in a calm regular rhythm.

“There isn’t much to talk about. It’s the same as always.” He mumbled. She hummed softly, nodding against his skin. It made him pull her even closer. 

Bucky sighed, feeling her warm body against his aid greatly in anchoring him. With soft strokes over Y/n back he awoke another gentle hum. 

“You think you are going to be okay? Or should I help…” She let the question fade out carefully. Y/n had used her powers on a few occasions to get him back to sleep, to calm whatever storms caused behind those steel-blue eyes. 

“No, just-” He paused to turn his face and kiss her forehead “ Just let me hold you.” He whispered against her scalp, kissing it once more. 

“Okay.” She answered just quietly, holding onto his shoulders, rubbing small circles into flesh and metal. Y/n kissed the skin of his neck, feeling his pulse against her lips. A feeling that normally filled her with lust and want. Bucky satisfied her want not just in one way. 

This time the sensation felt different, foreign, and forced. Y/n wanted to gasp, open her eyes, and sit up. She wanted to move away from the threat. A feeling of terror, looming danger, and sadness filled every inch of her body.   
Her weakened body could only muster goosebumps forming over her cold skin. A small amount of air forced itself into her lungs, burning everything on its way. She couldn’t move, not even open her eyes but all of her senses came back in a painful crash. 

There was yelling, marching further away, the angry hum of the old neon lamps, and the strained cry of whatever machines surrounded her. 

She detected a pulse close by. It was fast, hurried like in a panic. The fast heavy breath that accompanied it invaded her senses. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay. I got you.”

A baritone voice sounded from next to her, no, behind her?  
She felt the vibrations resonate in her back. That meant the person was standing behind her.   
Y/n tried to suck in another breath, the feeling of whoever pulse over her lips became more imminent.   
Without any control over it, Y/n felt her fangs pushing through.No matter how weak she was, her survival instincts would have the upper hand. She tried to move away, understand the situation before giving in to her needs but no muscle listened to her command.

“Y/n you are hurt. It’s okay go ahead.” The voice sounded again, reassuring her. She had no energy to withstand her hunger. She ignored the stomping outside and gave in to her needs. 

Steve hissed, trying to hold his arm still as he felt the piercing pain on his wrist. It felt much different from what he had expected, not as painful, draining as he had imagined.   
He huffed, keeping her steady in a seated position so that she wouldn’t choke.

Ross was getting closer. He'd be there in a matter of seconds. Steve had to come up with a plan of escape but the longer he held her the drowsier he felt himself become. 

Y/n was drinking greedily, she’d hold his arm in a locked grid if she had the energy to do so. But in her weakened state, it was easy for Steve to remove his arm. She whined softly when she felt him pull away. Y/n was shaking, a weak attempt of her body to warm up. 

“Y/n please, we need to go. Can you hear me?” He asked, moving away further from her.   
She gave a weak hum in reply. 

“Can you open your eyes for me?” He asked, keeping her suspended against his chest with one arm while the other tried to tie the sheet that was covering her into a somewhat functional dress. 

Y/n groaned, the substance gave her the energy to do so. She felt how her body slowly got back into working condition. She opened her eyes against the blinding light, still shaking violently. She moved her arm to shield her eyes. 

A mop of blond hair caught her sight.   
“Ste-” She felt her jaw slack, the shivering made speaking even harder. But it made him smile. He looked at her with a small proud and relieved smile. 

“Yeah, it’s me. I got you.-” He was cut off by another loud bang of a set of doors opening.   
Panic filled his voice. “ Listen, we gotta go. Can you stand?” She only nodded, giving a feeble attempt at a ‘yes’  
He slowly left his place from behind her, checking whether she would stay upright on her own while also keeping an eye out for the door.   
When she sat on her own he helped her move her legs over the side of the table. 

“Okay? I’ll hold you. “ Steve stood next to her, his arm around her shoulder, the other hand hovering over his holster. 

A loud crash sounded in the room in front of them, bits of debris flew around behind the glass panned and Steve had to watch out to not drop Y/n when a flash of gold and red appeared outside. 

Tony, ripped open the door, lifting his mask.

“Twilight: New Moon!” He cheered,“ Wow, very funny. Could you help out here?” Steve spoke, certainly unamused. Tony chuckled, ignoring Steve’s scoff as he hooked his arm under Y/n other shoulder. 

Y/n bare feet, shuffled over the floor, still too weak to get her muscles to work the way she hoped. The warmth of Steve's skin, radiating through his suit was small comfort to her. He always ran too hot just like Bucky…..

“Okay, hun. Let’s get you out of here.” Tony spoke. The three had exited to the lab, or what was left of it after Tony’s extravagant entrance of bursting through the wall. He stepped over the rubble, stretching out his arms so that Steve could hand Y/n over to him. 

“It always has to be over the top for you.” Steve chuckled, kicking a few bricks aside to get closer to the opening in the wall. 

“Now where would be the fun in that, huh?” Tony grinned, as he stretched out, gently taking Y/n by the shoulder and pulling her towards himself. He was about to take off when the obnoxious clicking of guns made all of them freeze. 

“Okay, Stark. That’s enough.” Agent Ross mocked, his arms crossed with half a dozen geared up agents behind him. “ I’ve had enough of your childish shenanigans. First, the stunt with the lawyers, and now you rip a hole into a government building to steal our property. “ He shook his head.   
“And you Captain Rogers. I would never have expected you to play along on such a stupid mission. Thought you were too clever for that but I seemed to have been mistaken. “  
He shifted his stance, turning his face to look into Y/n lowered head. 

“ What a surprise to see you up and awake young lady, I swo-” He was swiftly interrupted by an angry hiss. With what strength Y/n could muster, she straightened up, eyes darkened. She channeled all her pain and hatred towards him, it was enough to break out of Tony’s hold.  
Y/n charged forward, faster than any of the soldiers could react. Steve tried to reach out to her but even he was too slow.   
With a loud thump, the sound vibrating through the walls, She pinned Ross to the wall. Her hands gripping his suit jacket strong enough to tare it. 

She was breathing heavily, growling as the man quivered his eyes closed tightly, too scared to look at her. The soldiers just stood there, watching as they were too stunned and scared to react. 

The reports of the attack on the Avengers tower had been circling through the media and only the government knew about what had actually happened and who ended it. And they all knew that even in her weakened state Y/n could simply rip them to shreds, getting stronger and faster with each kill. 

“You better watch out, cause she’s a maneater and I don’t mean that in the sexy Nelly Furtado way” Tony exclaimed, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed in an overly self-confident manner. 

Ross was whimpering slightly as he felt a trickle of blood ran down this neck from the blunt trauma he received to his head. He turned his face very slowly, feeling Y/n breath against his face. “I-” 

He was stopped when Y/n slammed him against the wall again to silence him. He cried out in pain but stayed still as he was too scared to move. 

Y/n leaned forward, her lips nearly touching his earlobe, “ You have any idea how hungry after being cut open and being kept in a freezer for 2 days?” she whispered, breathing against his neck.

Ross didn’t react, he held his breath, trying to stop from shaking. 

“Do you?” Y/n pushed, slowly licking along the small dribble of blood on his neck.   
She took her time, ignoring the clicking of guns as the soldiers slowly awoke from their freeze.

Ross gave a small whimper “ What?” Y/n leaned back a little, smiling and flashing her fangs. 

Steve was starting to get uneasy but she ignored all of them, all of her attention on the agent in front of her. 

“N-no.” He squeaked, “ No, I- I don’t “ He corrected himself, trying to build up his posture. 

Y/n took a step back, nodding slowly “I thought so.” 

She lurched forward, pressing Ross into the wall, trapping him like an animal. This time the soldiers reacted, pointing their guns at her, a few shots being fired.

The small room quickly filled up with smoke, the soldiers stopped shooting when they couldn’t hear anything. The only sound was the clank of bullets hitting metal.

As the smoke cleared away, the fired bullets fell to the floor, completely deformed from the impact on Steve’s vibranium shield. 

He had reacted quickly, shielding Y/n before she could be hurt. He looked over to her, surprised to find Ross still alive. He was crying, huffing as Y/n slowly lifted her lips from his neck. The skin intact, her fangs never pierced his neck. 

She leaned away, to look at his face, her hands let go of his suit. She took a step back, palms smoothing out his suit as she told him casually.

“You are In luck then.” She looked up, tilting her head slightly, a grin spread on her lips.

“I don’t eat trash.”


	38. how

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short new years chaper!!!! Happy new year, let's hope that 2021 will be a better year than the last. I plan to update atleast every other week to get through the rest of this. I hope you enjoy the rest of this story and I might even do a sequel ( or a prequel? if i am creative enough?)

Her head leaned against the metal wall, concentrating on the dull feeling of liquid dripping into her arm and the whirling of the metal aircraft around her Y/n sighed.  
She had her eyes closed, her head was still swimming after over exhausting herself just a few moments ago. And she would have made a fool out of herself, stumbling over rocks, nearly passing out, if not for Tony’s fast reaction. He saw how her eyes lost the focus on the things around her. She had to give all she had to teach Ross a lesion and used up the strength that she didn’t possess. He flew in quickly, picking her up and making another cheeky remark before taking off swiftly. 

Now, Tony Stark wasn’t known to tell story’s in their boing, true set of events. He liked to paint his own picture, create a myth around what actually went down and such was the case as she leaned against the wall.   
Y/n listened to him talk, it was a soothing sound. Low chuckles and exclamations that the others made while listening to his tale.  
“And then she walked up to him, straightening his suit and she said-“ Tony turned back, leaning past Sam who sat next to him on their seats, to see Y/n on the other side.   
He had a wide smile on this lips, childish wonder and excitement glimmering in his eyes. “ Y/N tell them what you said!” He grinned, nodding towards her to call her to attention.

She huffed, a small smile on her face as she opened her eyes slowly. She cleared her throat, sitting up a little more straight. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips before she spoke in a lazy tone of voice.   
“ I said, I don’t eat trash” Y/n leaned back, closing her eyes again. Her smile broadened when the group started cheering and laughing. She felt drained, whenever she closed her eyes, her focus drifted off. Her face relaxed, jaw going slack and   
felt herself becoming lighter, ever so slightly fading from the plot.

A warm hand on her shoulder pulled her out of her trance.   
“Hey,” Ashley tried softly. She sat down next to Y/n. The other woman looked positively done, ready to fall into bed and not wake up for the next week or so. And Ashley’s heart ached for her, there would be no rest, not so soon and then there was so much pain ahead of her that Y/n had no idea of yet. That feeling, knowing about what was to come over her friend was what made her eyes water.   
“Ash…” Y/n mumbled, oh so slowly turning towards her friend as a soft smile settled on her lips. She groaned, sitting up a little for her. “ Hey…” Her smile faded a little, she noticed the look Ashley gave her. She knew it too well. But now was not the time for any more drama. Y/n decided she would ignore the signs as long as she could. “It’s good to see you.” She gave weakly, turning towards her and leaning into her side. 

That small remark was all It took for Ashley to break. Her lip quivered and she released a shaky breath before quickly covering her face and turning her back to Y/n to calm down again. She pressed her hand harder against her mouth, silencing the sobs that were breaking out of her. And even though her eyes were squeezed shut, painfully hot tears ran down her cheeks. 

Steve heard it none the less, quickly turning around to see what was going on. He was about to get up and comfort his girlfriend when Y/n sat up, placing her hands on Ashley’s back and nodding towards Steve. She had the situation under control she had somewhat expected this to happen.   
He contemplated for a moment but then decided against intervening. He trusted Y/n with the situation. 

“Hey, Ash, it’s okay.” Y/n ran her hands over the girl's back. She quickly detected the painful tense muscles and started massaging them slowly.   
“It’s okay, I’m here, see?” She held Ashley’s shoulder, turning her and pressing her against her chest. The younger woman still refused to let her tears spill freely but when her cheek came into contact with Y/n warming skin she couldn’t hold it any longer. She sobbed against her, clutching her and holding on while the sobs shook her body.   
Y/n began rocking her carefully in an attempt to calm her down. “It’s okay, let it out.” She spoke but her voice betrayed her, cracking slightly. She felt tears rising too so she pressed her forehead to Ash’s head. 

She suddenly became very aware of how quiet the room had become. The laughter died down and everyone was watching them quietly, not sure how to react. But then Tony was the first to react, sitting down in between the others, blocking the view from the girls. He started talking about something mundane and unimportant but quietly everyone was glad that he did.   
When Ash did calm down after a few minutes, she looked up. With a careful, shaky hand she reached up to y/n cheek. Her fingers smoothed over the warming skin, feeling the small hairs and slightly texturized skin.   
“ You are here…” She spoke quietly, in awe of the normally unimaginable. She realized, her boyfriend had just broken into a government morgue and stole the supposedly dead body of her best friend. A clear shot in the brain vanished into nothing with a few drops of blood.   
The absurdity struck her and with proper to process the events, Ashley began to laugh. Because, to be honest, it was hilarious. 

Y/n frowned at her, this was not what she expected to happen…” Ash-“

“You are here!” Ashley laughed, sitting up to pull Y/n in a tight hug. Her tears of joy mixing with the ones of sorrow that had just been running down her cheeks. “We broke into a fucking government building to steal you back!” Ashley laughed. 

Steve watched the two curiously. A fond smile adorning his lips. Ashley had been holding in a lot. She did it to keep up her professional demander. She was a new recruit, moving into the team faster than anyone had before and that together with another girl that turned out to be a HYDRA spy. Her relationship with a higher-ranked member, Captain America no less put her in the spotlight and everyone seemed to have an oh so important opinion about it. Now it all became too much for her and he was glad that he had Y/n to hold her when she needed it. 

“Yeah, I guess you did.” Y/n chuckled, gently swaying with Ashley’s arms still wrapped around her in a tight grip. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warm seeping into her.


	39. could

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are still reading and enjoy this chapter :) We are moving towards the end of this story now. Thank you foe the comments kudos and for sticking around. lots of love!
> 
> Music for this chapter: Experience- Ludovico Einaudi  
>  https://open.spotify.com/track/1BncfTJAWxrsxyT9culBrj?si=hxabciGmTrmW6g8CXIqcYA

With each breath, she felt her chest expand and fall back down. A fluid motion, simple, calming.

It was a nice change from the constant ringing in her ears that had been there for quite some time. This was the first time she had a chance to stop. And it didn’t even feel half as good as she had imagined it to be. Instead, she was restless, driven to go on and on; keep fighting, hunting… 

She inhaled deeper 2,3,4 _ "hold for 4 _ , 2, 3 4 her heartbeat was way too fast, making her feel like she was suffocating  _ and out with 6…. Just breath, okay?" She still felt the remnants of that big warm hand on her back, the stubbled cheek pressing against her own. _

2 3-“ Okay, tell me why you are here again ?” He looked at her with a sense of annoyance. Fury leaned back, adjusting his back against the leather seat he was in. He licked his lips, looking at her excitingly. “ I mean, you do have a reason to show up here. Like that-“ He nodded towards her, a sly smile playing on his lips. 

Y/n looked at him with a frown. One of her hands moved through her hair in a calming manner. She couldn’t help it. I felt so wrong to sit there so calmly, to just talk.

“Well, Sir…I-“ She looked at the wooden cabinets behind him to collect her thoughts. How should she go about this? Where to start….what is the narrative…

“I want to- step down.” She spoke, surprised by the determination in her voice. It didn’t reflect the storm inside of her.

“Because of the incident? I already talked about that with Rogers.” He sat up with a small grunt. “ I admit, I wasn’t a fan of how the situation was handled.” He shook his head, eying the box of pens that rested on his desk. “ Especially your…. _ Involvement _ ” He looked at her again.

His stern gaze made her shrink down, he had a fascinating way of making everyone in the room feel small. 

She was about to answer but Fury stopped her, holding up a hand. Y/n sank back into the chair.

“ It’s not the way we handle things here.” 

_ “I have control. Opening doors 7 and 9. Might need back up in case their a-“ A gust of air rushed past him. A phantom grabbing each side of the slowly opening gates, effectively breaking them out of metal walls. With a feral grunt, it moved into the corridor, simply ignoring the bullets that flew through the air. Each wound would heal in a matter of seconds after the kill. _

_ The first few soldiers stood their ground, defending their fortress but with each body that dropped to the floor, the fear grew. They lowered their guns, taking a few steps back with their fearful gaze on the bloody beast. One even managed to turn around and look at the closet exit before he was slain just like the other. _

_ And with that one, a man around his early 30’s, she took her time. She drank in a hast, refilling her energy and healing the gunshot wounds she had obtained. But this corridor was merely a sub-level on her mission.  _

_ Steve had allowed her to go absolutely feral and so she did. _

_ “Never mind. Backup just butchered the whole place.” Tony signed, letting go of his push to talk button and making his way along the corridor that was now covered in blood and guts.  _

_ “Jesus Christ.” He cursed under his breath, as he looked at what aftermath she had created. He spoke to her from a distance, “ You do realize that I will make you pay for the plumber when you clog up my drains with all this…..Stuff on you when you take a show-“  _

_ With a wet thud the body dropped to the floor, Y/n growled, wiping her mouth roughly.  _

_ Tony froze, he was sure that even his iron man suit would be little protection against her if she wanted to get to him. “Listen, I-“ _

_ “NO. “ She turned around towards him and he couldn’t help but gasp at the sight of her.  _

_ Y/n’s chest was heaving, tears had mixed with blood, both running down her cheeks and covering her suit. Her eyes were dark, bloodshot, the skin slightly greyed and ashen. _

_ She was absolutely beside herself. Worst than it had ever been. “We need to go on” She spoke, no truly looking at him, her gaze was off….starring into nothing as if she was blinded. _

_ “We have to wait for Cap to give us the go-you know how this works. I understand you are eager to get him back but-“ Tony tried to reason with her, maybe even calm her down a little. But she just shook her head, “I can’t wait! We need to go now!” She cried. _

_ Tony, swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat. He couldn’t fight the tears that threatened to come to his eyes. Moved by the sheer desperation in her voice. _

“Running amok and ripping body to shreds? That’s not what we do here. Not to mention that your Team wasn’t even sure that it was the correct base you were attacking.” Fury told her. 

Y/n sighed deeply, nodding at his words. “ I know Sir, and I assure you that I didn’t mean to let it get out of control. I just….” She stared at the desk, letting her eyes focus to soften.

“What? Was blinded by love? You wanna come at me with that bullshit?!” Fury agitated. He hadn’t canceled two meetings to listen to this girl oh so sad and tragic backstory, god knows he heard enough of those in his time in the job. 

Y/n sighed heavily, leaning back in her chair. She turned away from him, nibbling at her lip and trying to think of some way to make her point without making Fury angrier. She came with intent and she wouldn't leave before he understood. But maybe this was conversation wasn’t going the way she had imagined it in her head. 

“You do realize, that I could throw you out for that little show back there? But wait, maybe I should.” He leaned forward onto the table. His right index finger pointing at her, jabbing. “That would teach you how we handle things here. Love? My Ass. Not only did you act careless and put your team in danger. But operating machines, the weapons of our enemy, that you do not understand is just-“ 

“Well, maybe I did.” Y/n interrupted his speech. Maybe I did do it for love.” She sat up, determination in her eyes. “You want to preach how much you know and how great SHIELD is. Frankly, I did do it out of love.” Y/n swallowed down the wave of tears that wanted to break free at the memory. She pushed on against the tremble of emotion in her voice.

“Because I finally understand what’s important to me. It took me a good 400 Years but be sure that I will not step away from what I love, no matter who or what tells me otherwise. “ 

_ “No... NOOOOO It has to- FuCK “ Steve had only just arrived at what seemed to be the deepest layer of any HYDRA facility he saw. He ran there as fast as he could, following Tony’s directions to where the two had fought their way. And as if fate was mocking him, it was the same Base they had found Y/N in. HYDRA had to rebuild it in only a matter of months and none of the avengers had been clever enough to think about that. The base had been crossed out of their map. It was done, crosses of as finished work. That brought them Time. Enough so, that he was greeted with the same stoic and emotionless face on his childhood best friend.  _

_ Buck just sat there, completely unphased and looking into the abyss. An empty shell; again. But that was not the reason that Steve’s heart felt so so very heavy.  _

_ It was the young woman, covered in god knows how much blood. She was crying, sobbing even, and with shaking hands, she tried to install the small wakandian device into the machine that had taken so much from them.  _

_ “Please! It has to work I CAN’T-“ She wiped roughly wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. But her vision wouldn’t clear up, making her even more upset. Y/n didn’t notice the Captain approach. He was still a little out of breath and walked over slowly. His gaze was fixed on Bucky, hoping that he would feel recognition; any emotion to show that he was still there.  _

_ “Y/n? “ He called carefully, not wanting to distress her further. She stopped for a moment, whipping around to see who had managed to sneak up on her. But the sight of Steve was too much for her. She broke down, with her emotions and instincts running higher than ever before. She took a breath to speak, fighting against the oncoming hyperventilation. “ Steve I-“ She sobbed. With a hand she reached out to him, showing him the slightly bent device. “ I pushed it in too hard and now it doesn’t- I… “ She broke into another sob, pushing the device towards him. She was so lost. Slowly sinking down against the side of the metal chair. “ He- I was too fast and now he- I should have waited, I-“ Y/n rambled on franticly.  _

_ She reached out a hand towards Bucky’s still leg. Her fingers grasped onto the fabric of his pants, holding on for dear life. And she looked so painfully small. So lost. _

_ “I need him. I don’t care how…” She shook her head. “ That’s the only thing I need, Steve.” She looked up at him with an eery sense of calm. “ Him. And nothing else.”  _

Fury chuckled, clearly amused by her sudden burst of emotion. He knew what was going on but he didn’t plan on letting her off the hook so easily. Especially when she planned on making this even more complicated and unnecessarily poetic. Final poetic justice. 

“ How touching.” He remarked dryly. “ I know why you are here, no need for theatrics. The only question is: How do you want to go about this? Should I do it? Do you want to sign or should we go the super official and unnecessarily bureaucratic way and active the little contract you prepared with Captain Rogers?” 

_ “ You know, this is unnecessary, Y/n. I don’t want to sign anything when we don’t even know-“ Steve tried to reason. He watched the people pass by the glass wall of the small conference room that had been cleared out for them for ‘Talk’ that Y/n had insisted on.  _

_ “No. I do this. But only when you sign it.” She slid the handwritten note closer to him. “ I want out. All records removed with a clean bio and a passport.” She crossed her arms in a similar manner to what Steve did to seem more intimidating.  _

_ “ You know I can’t do that. Not to the team, not to Bu- ..” He sighed. Saying his hurt more than it had before, even when he had still thoughted him dead. “ Do you expect me to just pretend you weren’t here? That you never had any influence? Never eve existed?” Steve leaned forward. He had hit a point, making Y/n shink down in her seat. “ I can’t do that. Not anymore. That stuff might have worked for your brother and his underground music business but you? The public knows your face, they know that you are one of us. I can’t just make them forget when I sign this…. This note you prepared.” _

_ There was a heavy silence, lingering for a good minute while both waited for the other to take the next step.  _

_ Y/n sighed, unconsciously rubbing her hand over the spot where her skull had been pierced not even a week ago. “See it like this. What if I did die.” Steve rolled his eyes, ready to interject but she carried on. _

_ “No, listen. For all that they know, I did die. The last record was, that I was taken by Ross, put into the medical facility, and remained there. That’s it. That is what happened.” She shrugged.  _

_ “ And what am I to tell him. When you just disappear. That you don’t know each other? That you were just friend and those news bulletins didn’t get a PR move?” Steve stared at her.  _

_ “Yeah, why not. Seems the easiest way. I see no reason to go through all that again when it can be avoided.” She bit back the tears.  _

_ “ Why would you want to avoid it? You are in love. I have never seen him as happy as he is with you I-“ Steve frowned, trying to understand where she was coming from.  _

_ “I am. I really am but I-“ She stopped for a moment. “ I want him to have what Ashely gives you. A perspective. The chance to just stop someday and rest. Together. And I….I just can’t give him that.”  _

__ “ Honestly? I don’t give a damn. It doesn’t matter, I just want to leave and you can note down whatever you like in your little folder. “ She pointed towards one of the brown cardboard folders that resided on his desk. 

“right.” He hummed, writing something down. “ But now that things worked out differently, why do you still want to leave? I would pardon you if that would change your mind. I hate to admit it but someone with your skillset is very valuable to us.” Fury crossed his arms in front of his chest. His expression changed when he saw the sly smile appear on Y/n lips.

“ I got a better offer to be frank. Something that better fits my….. current and future needs.” 

She smiled warmly at the thought of it. “ It was hard but I got what I wanted. Agent Barnes it back. Healthy, mentally stable, and very willing to stay in his line of work.”

“ And what does this offer include may I ask? And who made it?” Fury took hold of his pen while simultaneously pulling out a resignment form from under his desk. He put his signature on it before handing Y/n the pen. 

“ It’s an exchange. My old life for whatever took hold of me. And I have to admit that I never expected Loki to be so generous.” 


End file.
